To have an only child because I can't afford to have more ( plus I don't really want more than one)

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I keep feeling like I have to justify my intention to only have one dc. I'm currently pg and haven't even had him yet but already people are saying you will want to crack on with your second as soon as you have this one! I'm 33, so I suppose age is a factor.

Thing is, I don't really want more than one child, I'm not a mummy type person and I just don't know how I will be when ds arrives.

I know that children are expensive and we can afford this one as we will be relying on family to help with childcare, wouldn't ask my mum to look after 2. I will have to stay ft to pay all the bills.

So I can afford one and only want one- why do I fell like I am an awful person with this decision? AIBU?

DownTheRabidHole

HOWEVER once you see just HOW lovely they are, you might actually want a second.

Sorry, but this is exactly the kind of comment that gets on people's tits.

Yes, she might want a second. She also might want a cheese sandwich. Or she might not. Right now, what she's actually saying is that she does NOT want a second, no matter how lovely the first one will be. It's not because it somehow escaped her attention that children are lovely, it's because she's spent some time thinking about this matter and has came to the conclusion that she does NOT want a second child.

OP, you need to develop an ability to ignore pearls of wisdom like this.

Though it's kind of universal, regardless of how many children you actually have.

If you have none, it's when are you going to have one. When you have one, it's when are you going to have the second. When you have two, it's when are you going to have the third. And then it turns into what, you want a fourth, are you crazy. Bottom line, you can never have exactly the right amount of children, it's virtually impossible and somebody would always helpfully point it out to you.

Great post - panic!

just take no notice
I have several friends who only have one, it's none of my business!!!! why ask??

YANBU. We wanted one child, and 6 1/2 years on, still have one. He's lovely, and I love him hugely, but in spite of many people telling me I might change my mind, neither dh or I have.

Yab perfectly reasonable. I only wanted one, for ages, for pretty much the same reasons as you.

I am now pg with number two, mainly because DD is so wonderful (mostly) that DH managed to convince me to have another, and I honestly always had a little niggle in the back of my mind, wondering if I would want a second child.

I am really excited about DD2's arrival, but I am also really worried about how we will manage - both financially and emotionally. I am determined not to think about how things would have been had we not gone for another, and I think that's probably the best attitude to have if you decide to only have one, as well - you make your decision, and don't let other people make you second guess yourself. They can make their own life choices, and leave you to yours. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy, and enjoy your lovely baby when he/she arrives.

YANBU if you only want one child.

YANBU if you eventually decide to have six children (or more!).

However, there'll always be someone who will comment on what you do - the trick is to just smile and nod, and then ignore them! Personally, I'm very happy with my DD, and I definitely don't want more children. Some people find that difficult to understand, but that's up to them.

If you only want one child, then stick with one. What is wrong with that.

If you want six, have six. Take no notice of what anyone else says.

You are definitely not unreasonable. We got one more than we planned on having and we certainly will not be having more. Thankfully we can afford the two despite originally planning on the one, but certainly not a third.

DD is 6mo; many people have asked if I'm going to have a 2nd. All these people know that DSS1 & 2 live with DP & I - we have no room to fit any more children in the house. Also, DD's birth & subsequent stay in SCBU scared me half to death and I never, ever, want to run the risk of going through that again.

End of.

YANBU - is up to you whether you have one child or more.

Don't justify it. If people ask if you intend on having more just say "No.". It's not open for discussion how many children you choose to have.

I think only children suffer from a very negative and unfair stereotype in the UK.

Sorry, I just read the replies That were posted while I was typing - I didn't mean that because my DD1 is wonderful and I have been persuaded to try again based partly on the fact that I think it can't be a bad thing to have another little person a bit like her, doesn't mean I advocate the 'oh but you'll see how wonderful your DC is, then you'll have another' type comment.

I was sure, throughout pregnancy and the first two years of her life, that we would only have one child. I changed my mind, but By no means think that you or anyone else should!

We only wanted one, and now DS is nearly 1, I can sort of see that I might want another child.

If I could skip the first 6 or 7 months. And you could guarantee that I got one that slept. And wasn't as sick as DS was.

So, basically, I don't want another.

I get a lot of patronising comments about how I might change my mind when I'm older, or when DS is at school. I just can't see that happening. We're happy with our lot.

I actually had to tell one person that the topic of me not wanting another child was not up for discussion. She just wouldn't shut up about it. (She is now an ex friend but not just for that reason).

YANBU

I'm another only child, and I'm really happy being one. I had a great childhood and seem to be having a rather fun life, so don't worry too much about what effect your choice will have on your child. There are plenty of good points to being a singleton!