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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put the pressure on regarding meeting his mother?

26 replies

FishTiingers · 27/11/2012 13:59

Yeah I've posted about this before but it's coming to a head tonight. Bare with me please, last one on this topic, I promise.

Basically we've been together 6 months. He's met my kids (which I now realise he shouldn't have done but that's done now) and he's met my friends and my cousin. I've met NOBODY that means anything to him. Not met his kids, not met his mum or ANY of his family and not met his proper friends. I've been introduced to work mates when accidently bumping into them but thats it.

Ok so I can cope with the fact that he doesn't yet want me to meet his kids but he said 2 months ago that he wanted me to meet his mum. He's said it a few times yet has never arranged anything.

I feel it's all very one-sided and this along with the fact that he won't allow me to post anything on Facebook regarding the two of us is starting to make me paranoid that either a) he's ashamed of me or b) he's not as single as he told me he was.

Things have been tense between us these past couple of weeks and I've had enough. Tonight I'm going to ask him if I'm ever going to meet anyone that means anything to him. Fair enough if he doesn't want to get that serious but then have the balls to be honest with me about it and stop getting me to think he wants me to meet his mother if he doesn't.

So, AIBU to finally push this once and for all?

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 27/11/2012 14:01

YANBU - sounds like he is hiding something...or someone!

What does he say when you talk about this issue?

Original poster
FishTiingers · 27/11/2012 14:05

Well everytime he's brought it up (and it is always him!) he says stuff like "oh I should really arrange for you to meet her soon, she's getting nosy" or "You'd really get on with my mum" or "You can meet my mum anytime, I want you to meet her" - and then weeks go by without it getting mentioned again. Whenever he brings it up I say "yes I'd love to meet her, arrange something" so he can't say I show no interest.

The last time I brought it up he said "yes I need to arrange that, she wants to meet you" and then nothing again.

It feels like he's just saying the right things to buy himself more time. But why?? is 6 months really too early?? and if so, why did he say he wanted me to meet her?

OP posts:
OneWellAndTrulyCrackeredMummy · 27/11/2012 14:09

Oh ffs this again? Really?

You ignored my last suggestion on one of your last 6 threads about exactly the same fucking thing so why post if you're not going to listen?!

squeakytoy · 27/11/2012 14:11

fucking hell...

"starting to make me paranoid that either a) he's ashamed of me or b) he's not as single as he told me he was"

every fucker on here has been trying to tell you b) for the last two months...

tag the fucker and take his mum a bunch of flowers if you know the address... and then see what happens...

but please, dont keep asking the same sodding question on here every day...

TroublesomeEx · 27/11/2012 14:15

I'm getting a strong sense of deja vu!

You are going to get exactly the same advice as you have done before. Why do you think that today will be any different? I understand that this is a big deal for you, but we are not going to say anything any different to we have done before, if people even bother replying.

He isn't divorced; he isn't single; he's not even unhappily married.
He hasn't told his friends about you; he hasn't told his kids about you.

He's messing with you. He's fobbing you off.

You think you're in a relationship. He doesn't. And even if he does, this isn't a grown up relationship like the sort that adults have. It's the sort of fake relationship that some women will tolerate in the hope/belief that he will eventually realise she's in it for the long term/loves him/whatever. You've introduced him to your children as a way (presumably) of showing him how serious you are without really considering the impact of this on your children.

I know people said before that it's probably too soon to meet his family, and it might be (although I think 6 months is long enough) but to not have met his friends or anything just isn't right.

I'd just give it up if I were you. What is he giving you that you can't live without? Or are you scared to be on your own? Whatever the reason, this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship and is certainly not something I'd be exposing my children to. sorry.

HecatePropylaea · 27/11/2012 14:17

He doesn't mean it. From time to time he's saying it to keep you off his back for a bit.

He doesn't want you to meet anyone in his life. Why that is, you and we can only speculate. All we can say with certainty is he doesn't want people to know about you. Do you have any evidence that any of his family even know about you. (him saying they do doesn't count)

You have to face that. Really, properly face it. And then decide if you're willing to accept it or not.

He doesn't HAVE to introduce you to people. But you don't HAVE to be with someone who won't, if you don't want to be.

CheeseandPickledOnion · 27/11/2012 14:18

Agree with everyone else. He's either not at all single, or he just doesn't want an actual relationship with you.

It's just time to either ask him for once an all to address these issues, or dump the bastard.

missymoomoomee · 27/11/2012 14:19

You are repeating the same thing over and over again, the advice will be the same as it has been in your last 18 million threads.

LTB.

TroublesomeEx · 27/11/2012 14:19

He is 'kicking the can down the road'.

That means that whenever you bring the subject of meeting his friends/family up, he tells you what you want to hear/what he needs to tell you to shut you up and then does nothing about it.

Because he's just pushing that problem back to another day.

Hecate has summed it up nicely. He doesn't want people to know about you. Whatever his reason for that is.

MoomieAndFreddie · 27/11/2012 14:31

he is married. get out.

voice of bitter experience

NarcolepsyQueen · 27/11/2012 14:36

Again?! Really?! Same advice as last time.....

helpyourself · 27/11/2012 14:43

Aaaaaargh.

Original poster
FishTiingers · 27/11/2012 14:43

Yeah he's probably married isn't he. Or at the very least, hoping to get back with her.

OP posts:
HecatePropylaea · 27/11/2012 14:45

yes.

TroublesomeEx · 27/11/2012 14:47

YES!!!

And even if he is as single/divorced as he says, he isn't interested in a 'proper' relationship with you. Sorry.

MoomieAndFreddie · 27/11/2012 14:47

or keeping you hidden for now in case it doesnt work out with you he can go crawling back to his dp/dw

WithTheDude · 27/11/2012 14:49

Definitely married.

You need to dump his ass.

bradywasmyfavouriteking · 27/11/2012 14:49

Oh my god.

What is your problem? You must live under a bridge.

Because NO ONE would keep posting about this, ignore the advice and keep posting about it. Then name change and post in relationships, then step parenting, then spend the whole day going through his Facebook account. Then name change and go through it all again. this is at least 15 threads in about 10 weeks.

So which is op are you a time waster or do you make a trip trapping noise when you walk?

MummysHappyPills · 27/11/2012 15:00

Blimey. Even I have noticed that you have posted zillions of threads on this and I am normally oblivious to things like this!

This is really not a fun or fulfilling relationship if you have to post this often about the same issue!

If it bothers you that much, insist on meeting her.

If you want to stay with him and think he is worth it, lighten up and be patient.

Either way, posting about it so much is unhealthy. Get out more and find something more worthwhile to spend your thoughts/time on. Do you think he wastes so much mental energy analysing your relationship? What would you think about him if he did? I'd find it a bit creepy tbh.

KenLeeeeeee · 27/11/2012 15:03

Leave the bastard.

Seriously though, you don't need to post this half a dozen times to figure out that this man does not take your relationship seriously. Sorry to be blunt, but you deserve honesty in your life, even if it is from internet weirdos.

mrskeithrichards · 27/11/2012 15:05

Lol!!

Dump the married fuck.

Sallyingforth · 27/11/2012 15:20

Whether he's married or not...

How many ways can anyone put this?
He doesn't want you to get too close.
He's not interested in anything permanent.
He doesn't want to admit he has a relationship with you.
He's only after a non-committed fuck.

Just forget him.

Groovee · 27/11/2012 16:06

He's just not that into you!

pigletmania · 27/11/2012 16:37

Run run fr the hills I say

WilsonFrickett · 27/11/2012 16:40

OMG. I don't even hang out in relationships and I'm sick of this same thread again and again.

Listen to Wilson.

It doesn't matter how many times you post it, the advice will not change.

He is either seeing someone, still married, or has no wish to commit to you.

NOW GO AND ASK HIM INSTEAD OF ASKING US.