To tell relatives what you'd like them to buy as gifts?

[Theicingontop]

I know I risk sounding ungrateful, but does anyone else do this?

This will be my son's 3rd Christmas, and he has a lot of people buying for him. Last year he received A LOT of stuff, almost too much, two copies of the same book, two different versions of the same thing etc etc.

We were of course grateful, but this year we were thinking of giving the family a little suggestion of what he'd like for Christmas so we know it'll be played with.

For instance we've bought him a gorgeous play kitchen, but it didn't come with any pots and pans, so we thought we could ask for those, or little toy appliances or something.

We don't want to come off as ungrateful. AIBU to do this? Is it just rude?

If you do it in a light-hearted way I think it would be OK with close relatives. Trouble is that you almost then get into the appallingness of lists (like wedding lists and so on.) Otherwise you might end up with 16 of the same set of pots and pans for his play kitchen.

Personally, I'd mention in passing that you're getting him a play kitchen and leave it at that - unless specifically asked.

Doesn't anybody ask you? My family have always asked what the DCs would like & have been given a short list of suggestions.

They are only suggestions though, I do know of some people who are specific to the point of being rude (and actually are rude if the item received is not exactly as specified ). So long as you are asking not ordering it is perfectly acceptable IMO.

I think it really helps to give a list. I ask family for their lists, and I give ours - saying it's a list of "suggested ideas". Amazon wishlist is really helpful way to do it (you don't have to then buy from Amazon if don't want to, you can list non-Amazon stuff, you can put a note by each item...)

My family tend to give us gift vouchers, but my partner's family is vast (I'm talking like my partner has a great-great grandmother), divorced/remarried, don't communicate well and so get lots of separate presents. I kind of think that if we told them we got him a kitchen and left it at that, he'd get a lifetime of playfood

Yes I also will give suggestions to people who ask but me/DD is grateful for anything she recieves!! my DSis on the other hand is more specific and "tells us" what to buy each of her children!! I do find this rude but everyone in the family just goes along with it I suppose it makes gift shopping easier but I personally wouldn't dream of ordering people what to buy!! I'm going against the grain this year though I already have my nieces and nephews presents and I haven't had the order

My family do that Poppy. It's easier all round because dd1 is so hard to buy for and her birthday is right before Christmas so there's two sets of presents people have to choose. Everyone asks me for a list and then we sit down with the list and work out who will buy what.

I shouldn't think a list would be a bad idea. Just be lighthearted about it. Maybe send an email saying that you know buying for him can be difficult, so here's a list of ideas you've had - and mention that you've got him a kitchen?

I've done something similar with OH. It's his birthday and Christmas at the same time, and people get very stressed at him asking what he wants. Every year. He's made three lists so far but none have been good enough. The first had too much "everyday" things he should buy himself, the second didn't have enough items under £10, the third was too difficult to buy. He gets stressed, then stresses me out, and last year I had to run round buying things he wanted at the last minute anyway and got no thanks.

So I sent an email last week saying that as XX is a nightmare to buy for, here are some ideas I've had. It seems to have been well received!

I don't see what is the problem with a list - both my boys have Amazon wishlists. You can put stuff on there from any store or just a a suggestion rather than a specific product e.g 'X would like some pans for his toy kitchen'. The boys know they won't get everything from their lists and that some people will choose something else they think they might like.
We've also had birthdays where we've asked people to contribute bits towards a present - e.g. we bought a wooden farm for DS on 3rd birthday and other rellies contributed animals, furniture, a tractor etc.
I don't think I've ever offended anyone by having a list - they would rather get something that will be used than something we already have.
I make sure there is nothing massively expensive on the list and lots of smaller items so nobody feels pressurised to get something outside their budget.

My family does this as a matter of course. Of course it isn't rude to give a suggestion! You could say "we're buying DS a play kitchen, but he needs pots and pans to go in it like these. Would you be able to buy them for him, he'd love it". Easy.

our whole family (my outlaws I mean) have a www.whattogive.com list. You can add anything from any website. The kids love deciding what to add and we all get something we want.

My family send each other e-mails with a list of things to choose to buy from. This year it's mainly so we can keep costs down, as everyone's a bit skint, but it always works well, and since there's more items than present-givers there's still the element of surprise! My sister makes it easy by going "Here's my Amazon wishlist. Get me something off it and I'll be happy!"

Plus it prevents a repeat of the year I got two of the same figurine for Christmas. And that was when we all lived in the same house!
Don't think it's rude or weird - it's a perfectly logical way to make sure everyone's happy with their gifts at Christmas.

I don't think it's rude or weird, my family are inclined to ask for a small list so they can pick a couple of things. So we know we're getting something the other person will like but not completely without the element of surprise.