AIBU in feeling overwhelmed & actually quite resentful? Long post, sorry.

[reallifeisnotalwaysperfect]

Ok, I'll try not to drip feed & will try to get the facts in place with as little digression as possible.

I'm having my DC2 by ECS a week today. First DC with DP. I have DD (age 14) so it's like a new experience again.

DP called his DM yesterday & due to overhearing his side, found out his DM and DB will be travelling to ours & staying over the night before I go into hospital.

I need to arrive at hospital at 07.30 with the CS booked for 10.30. So no reason, IMO for the extra stress of hoose guests, the night before/the morning of. Our DS won't be born until late morning & that's if there aren't any EMCS to push us back.

I'm happy for his family to come meet our new arrival but i'm not happy that they are staying the evening before. I've had a horrific pg, with a lot of illness & want nothing more than his first few hours alone with DP & DD.

On top of this we don't have room for them to stay but I've agreed to find it & have them both for Christmas too.

This will be the first year my DD is staying with me for Christmas & if I could I'd have Christmas just the 4 of us, but I've agreed to them coming and in all honesty, I feel overwhelmed.

My DS will be weeks old & I'll be recovering from major surgery.

Is it unreasonable to say I don't want them stating here for the birth if they are coming for Christmas too?

I suggested to op that they are more than welcome to stay whilst i'm in hospital, as my DD will be staying with my sister.

I feel rotten.

*sp house...not hoose!

YANBU!! They are for asking to come the night before you go into hospital and also for coming for Christmas when you have a newborn!

I can't believe that anyone thinks this is an ok thing to suggest.

You have no reason to feel rotten - you are not being at all unreasonable, I wouldn't be having them stay the night before the birth, and it's highly unlikely I'd be having them for Christmas - unless DH was cooking, cleaning and looking after them!

Your DP needs to think about you, and tell him DM and DB the night before DEFINITELY isn't happening, and Christmas needs more discussion.

Maybe point out to your DP that this is your LAST NIGHT as just you, him and DD, that the following day your family and lives will change forever, so it is important to you to just have a quiet night at home with DP and DD, sharing that last night pre DS together.

Do not have them there when you are having a baby! You so don't need that shit. You will be recovering from a major operation, getting to know a new baby, establishing breastfeeding... You really don't need in laws hanging around for that.

Did he invite them without asking you, or did they invite themselves? Either way its not on.

Thanks for the responses cool & sirboob I actually thought I'd be flamed.

I wasn't consulted about the night before. I know he hasn't gone ahead & done it to upset me, he's excited & wants his DM & DB to be a part of our sons arrival. I get that, I just can't cope with the stress.

I will need to wake him now, as I can't sleep. We need to talk.

What an inconsiderate man! If I was being uncharitable I would call him an idiot. You can't allow this, stand your ground!

I actually have. Thanks gobbin

I woke him & told him I feel overwhelmed & need some quiet before the storm & he told me he'd sort it out.

Christmas, I'll suck up, as it's Christmas & that's a while away but I am so relieved.

I guess I've been forgetting to communicate recently about anything except how excited I am to meet our son.

Thanks all for the kick up the ass I needed to actually talk to my DP. It's appreciated.

I feel so light.

Excellent result so far OP! Sounds as if your DP wasn't really thinking but has now seen sense.
He also needs to explain that it's not possible to have any definite plans for Christmas until you see how you feel in a few weeks.
I do get his wish to share this exciting time with his DM and DB but the reality is they will have to fit around what you feel up to coping with. And you will want your DD to feel very much included, so although they're important, they're not at the very top of the list.

Meant to add: very best wishes for next week!

Tell them if they come for Christmas they have to do all the cooking and clean up as you will be sitting with your feet up and the baby asleep on your chest.
Fingers crossed Dh sorts it all out and they don't come to see baby till after he's born.

YANBU.

If they are coming for Christmas, it is to put Christmas on for you not the other way round.

You should be chilling and feeding and relaxing and recovering while people run around for you.

Yanbu. You really really don't need the stress of house guests when you're about to have a baby , nor when you come out of hospital with new baby and your house is full of mess and visitors expecting to be hosted.

At Christmas, you'll be busy with the baby. DP and his family will need to take charge of cooking and cleaning and preparations.

Yanbu

I agree with the others - if they're over for Christmas then you are absolutely not playing host, you will be on your arse the whole time while they cook and run around the place. Do you think they will do that, or will they expect to be waited on? I'll be heavily pg this Christmas and I did consider having inlaws over but MIL gets on my nerves so much that I know even if she was doing all the work she would drive me nuts. DH totally understands.

staying the night before baby's due unreasonable.
coming for christmas not unreasonable (and sounds like you have already agreed) as long as you dont have to lift a finger and someone else makes lunch and clears up.

What Christelle says

Thanks for all this support.

My DP is a good man but sometimes can't see the bigger picture IYSWIM & in a lot of respects, thinks that I don't want his family around....the thing is, at the moment I don't.

The thought of us all squashed into this tiny house over Christmas makes me feel physically sick.

The alternative was for us to travel to his DM's and spend the holiday there & quite frankly, the thought of packing for a new baby, sleeping on rickety z beds & everything else associated with Christmas, I felt I was able to agree to the lesser evil of the family coming here.

I also want to see my family over Christmas but thankfully, they don't plan on spending nights here.

I'm going to concentrate on the happy arrival, minus the planned invasion that I've managed to achieve & when that's over, plan my escape to a deserted island with my 2DC's and leave DP to his family and bloody Christmas! Bah humbug!

Yup what christelle says. If there's any suggestion that won't happen u must cancel in advance and take this year as just ur family only.

It just isn't worth the arguments. Be clear before hand so there's no surprises.

Could they stay in a travel lodge? Not being off but can they stay nearer but not at urs? Mine now do. We give them a little hamper for the room so they have food wine there and enjoy the main day with us. Has taken a load off. I hate it when they stay with us, drive me bats.

The babe will be around for a while. They are not missing out by not seeing it. Stay protective of this time as u and dp will not get this back. And it's frighteningly short and precious.