to not talk to my best friend until she apologises?

[JaneFonda]

I don't want to go into too much detail.

Essentially, I had an argument with my best friend - we were both tired and frustrated, and it was over something petty, but she was incredibly aggressive/sarcastic and it really shocked me.

I apologised later on for my behaviour - I like to sort things out quickly, and not hold grudges etc. It was a genuine apology because I had overreacted, but I did ask if she understood why I was upset.

She 'apologised' in a sarcastic and quite angry way, sort of a half apology of - 'but I didn't do anything wrong' IYSWIM.

WIBU to not talk to her until she apologises properly? It all seems very childish and like it belongs in the playground, not between two grown women.

You don't want to hold grudges but your happy to ignore her because you didn't like the tone of her apology?

Unless it was something major I would just move on and don't let it ruin your friendship

YWBU if you didn't talk to her. It is childish, sorry. But you could tell her you are hurt and that you feel sad that she hasn't apologised to you sincerely.

But if she's genuinely not sorry, and stands by her viewpoint and manner then what point is there in an apology?

Better to accept that you disagree and leave it at that.

We need to know what the argument was if you genuinely want to know if YABU. On the face of it YABU as she did apologise and hard for us to judge her sincerity without more info.

WIBU to not talk to her until she apologises properly? It all seems very childish and like it belongs in the playground, not between two grown women.

I think you have answered your own question there. It is, of course, extremely childish to stop talking to someone until they apologise in a manner you deem acceptable.

Better to tell her, directly, that you'd prefer to sort the matter out properly since you are both unhappy at the consequences of the argument. But also be prepared that you might have to agree to disagree if you want your friendship to continue. Things are always better out in the open and not the subject of a one-sided simmering campaign of silence.

I know what you mean -- a grudging or ungraceful apology is ugly and immature, in my view. People should always be prepared to move on if an apology is given that's clearly heartfelt. But the bottom line your friend was probably as hurt as you were, hence her reaction.

Does she always react like that? Some people have great difficulty accepting that they are wrong. If she's like that you may have to reassess the friendship.

Otherwise, unless you're prepared to get into a long post-mortem about it I think you're just going to have to move on from this one.

Frankly sounds like she wouldn't notice u were ignoring her as she doesn't c the need for an apology and u do. By all means ignore her but isn't that only useful if they know u r and can guess why and will make moves to amend. Doubtful she will as doesn't c ur view.

Leave. Then go for a coffee. Might come up of own accord.

To not talk to her does seem like a childish response and essentially means you are sinking to her level, however justified. You do need to talk to her about this and decide from her response whether you want to continue the friendship as it is or not.

FWIW I have no tolerance for this kind of behaviour due to stuff happening in my past. We should all be aiming not to hurt others feelings if possible but sometimes it happens. However I can't stand people who won't own up to a mistake or accept they acted badly or hurt someone's feelings. Decent human beings apologise when they hurt someone or do something wrong, and try to fix it, because they want to. We all want to run away and pretend it never happened but that isn't good enough.

If you like/love/respect someone then you should be not just willing to but wanting to give a genuine apology for hurting their feelings. Dismissing it by doing it half arsedly or not at all is not the behaviour of a decent human being. It says 'I don't care that I hurt you'.

Yanbu she is being disrespectful and she knows what is acceptable to you and what is not. Maybe your friend doesn't deserve you.

you both sound about 14

A bit of a mixed bag of responses, there!

I understand the hypocrisy of me ignoring her, yet at the same time saying it's childish! :o

I suppose it's because she has done this several times before, but it seemed quite brutal this time - continuous sarcastic remarks even when I sort of admitted defeat and was wanting to let it all go.

I suppose I just need a bit of time for everything to calm down.

Maybe she's not that good a friend after all.

but it happens.

Take back your apology and offer a third of an apology. Ask your friend to give you 2 thirds of an apology, then you respond with the remaining 2 thirds of your apology leaving your friend to top up her apology with a further third of one. It will end in 2 full apologies but nobody would ever be more than a third of an apology up on the other.

Simple.

I agree she doesn't sound much of a friend.
Continuing an argument when someone is trying to back out of it is aggressive and a bullying behaviour.

She does not come off well in this at all. Maybe this is the final straw for your friendship. I would think clearly about it. If this is a repeated problem do you think it is something that talking to her would lead to a change in her behaviour? If not are you willing to put up with this behaviour for the forseeable future? - I wouldn't.

It sounds like you're not seeing eye to eye. I'd just back off and give each other some space. I wouldn't just stop talking to her, that's a bit daft. Give it a couple of weeks. If you still feel you're owed an apology, then sit her down and talk to her calmly about it.

It's not a matter of 'not talking to her' is it? It's a matter of really not wanting to talk to her about anything personal or private. Being civil is one thing, but if someone hurt me and didn't apologise, I'd go right off them.

playground stuff.

if she's polite and meets a need you have, continue.
if she isn't, or doesn't, drop her.

stop thinking about 'my friend'. after you leave primary school, such things are irrelevant.

Since when have friends been 'irrelevant' lovebunny?

But you didn't just apologise you apologised then asked her if she understood why you were so upset - see imo this is sort of like a half apology - either you're sorry you said something or you're not. My Mum does a nice line in "I'm sorry if you felt that I ......" , this has the same kind of ring to it.

You've had a row, there's no need to talk it to death - move on or don't. It sounds like you may be more upset over the lack of "decent" apology that what you actually rowed about?

I like that approach, Lovebunny; much simpler to have people in your life who you like to spend varying amounts of time with, for different reasons, than pigeon-holing them (and yourself) as 'friends,' thereby feeling obliged to take any crap they choose to throw at you.
She sounds like a cow, op - I'd back right off. But then, I don't have many 'friends.'

And what Wriggles said.
< agrees with everyone >