Not inviting siblings to dd's birthday party

[fufulina]

Perspective, please, vipers.

DD's 4th birday party is on Saturday.
She asked for a girls only, barbie party (I realise for that alone, she IBU).
Se started a new preschool in September.
I have invited 2 old nursery friends, one nct friend, one of my friend's daughters (who dd knows well), and 4 little girls from new class that she seems to talk about.
Were having it at home, which is a 2 bed flat (I did consider the full nursery class thing, but we can't afford the venue hire, entertainer, etc.). One open plan room downstairs where the party will be. In essence, 9 little girls hooning around with balloons, faces painted, and pass the parcel.

One of the new nursery friends mums asked today if the girl's big sister could come as well. I said no, because of space. We are already going to be stuffed to the rafters with 9 little girls, plus a parent each. And I've already said no to another two siblings. But now, I feel guilty! AIBU?

I don't think it was cheeky to ask
But yanbu to say no

I've asked siblings and partners this yr but for extremely specific reasons. These I have said to each child mother, I didn't do it last year and won't next. There's just several things that happened this year to make it appropriate AND it so happens I'm in a bigger house now so can do so. If If it were not for that then i wouldn't have done as I couldn't have justified expense of hall either to myself in truth.

So YANBU. If I were the 3kids mums I'd ask if I had to stay all the time rather than if sibling could come I think... Now would that b bu???

Well anyone with an ounce of forethought would know that you can't expect to bring siblings too.

They do know that I'll wager, they're just chancing it by putting you on the spot and making you feel awkward about saying no

Do not feel badl!

I've only know people ask when they are expected to stay - round here with 4 year olds its usual to do so it changes around 7 -and they have no one to have the other DC.

However I have seen and had happen to parties we've thrown both parents turned up with extra siblings without asking then expect them to stay and join in.

So you may have to be firm on the day as well.

YANBU. Even very many years later I still recall ds2's 5th birthday party. It was systematically ruined by two older (uninvited) siblings who simply trashed the event. I tolerated a surprising amount of chaos but cracked and phoned their parents to ask for their removal after the gatecrashers deliberately stepped in the birthday cake before anyone had had a slice.

When your dcs are young enough to need their parents to stay it is a bit different, especially when a guest has a baby sibling. But by the time they are old enough to be left I can see no reason at all to ask if siblings can come alone.

After school when partners may not be home it can be impossible for Mum to stay without sibling.

I had no nearby family or friends to dump the other DD on so it could be difficult.

YANBU at all. Tat woman was being very cheeky. You should have told her that the arty is fr the invited child only

One of my dd's nursery friend's mothers avoided the whole cheeky to ask point by emailing a reply to my invite for her younger daughter saying that thanks , invited daughter and her older sister would be coming.
Said older sister then badgered me the whole afternoon to make more sandwiches, prompting a lot of passive aggressive "did you mean to forget to say please" from me in front of the parents. Still, nice someone appreciated the food!

are already going to be stuffed to the rafters with 9 little girls, plus a parent each.

I've just read the OP again and seen that - well not all of us have other people round who can have the DC so if you've made it clear you want an adult stopping with the DC they may well be stuck and no choice now but to decline the invite.

Well if the parents are expected to, or need to stay, then its not unreasonable to ask if a sibling can come too, as they may not have child care for the other one. If the parents aren't staying then theres no need to ask. Several parents asked if they could bring siblings to dd's party, as it was a hall I didn't have a problem with making a few extra sandwiches. I would say in your case its not unreasonable to say no, and most people understand that, although the invited child may not be able to come. Some of the responses on here are a little OTT.

YANBU but if you're expecting parents to stay with their child, you will also have to accept that some may not be able to arrange alternative childcare for their siblings.

Hi sugarplum, I am anticipating a parent each, but would be delighted if they all just dropped and left! But, didn't want to say they couldn't stay, if they wanted to, and I have no idea what most will do... Am expecting most parents to stay, but not wanting them to, IYSWIM.

Well then that's your answer. Assume they are asking for childcare reasons, and say brightly that siblings are not invited but you don't need parents to stay.

HoratiaWinwood's right - make sure they know that leaving the invited DC is an option, even your prefered option due to space, then they can decide if that is something they can do.

Your welcome to stay but if your happy to leave them great - you can leave a mobile number if you want.

Usual wording round here.

"Parents are as welcome to stay as they are to leave - and feel free to decide this on the day" is how I've phrased it each time. Seemed to keep everyone happy. I've always been ok with a younger sibling or two, but bar older ones, as they tend to take over.

Sometimes a four year old will be happy to be left, and at other times the same child could go into meltdown.

just say that lots of the siblings want to come but you just don't have space sadly