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Original poster

Too much time in playpen for toddler?

721 replies

lexiss · 25/11/2012 11:25

This morning DS 17 months woke up at 6am. I got up bf him and put him in the playpen. It is one of those extra large, hexagonal playpens.

Around 6.15 I gave him some water and changed his nappy. Then I went back to bed after making sure the playpen had only safe toys and the baby monitor was plugged in.

I fell asleep and woke up at 8.30. I went out to see DS and he was happily playing with this toys. He is very into small manipulative puzzles, shape boxes, stacking cups etc at the moment and he was busy playing with these.

He had been in the playpen for nearly 2.5 hours! Is this too long? Is there a problem that he plays happliy for this length of time by himself?

Most days I have a nap during the day for an hour or so and DS spends this time in the playpen but I have never left him for 2.5 hours before.

What do you think about this?

OP posts:
motherinferior · 25/11/2012 14:34

This thread is quite stunning, and occasionally hilarious, in its martyrdom. It always gets like this on MN when someone admits to the fact they'd do anything for a decent night's sleep.

SamSmalaidh · 25/11/2012 14:34

Violet - do children deserve interaction in any two hour window? How about 3am-5am?

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 25/11/2012 14:34

DS used to spend hours in his prison! He loved it. He was born into an extended family under one roof who adored him and he got unlimited attention, but he loved it in there and would play for hours. OP there is nothing wrong with putting your DS in there, but even I wouldnt sleep in a different room.
I have similar sleep problems though, and can often still be up at 4am. Its a hard cycle to break. I know damn well that I ought to just go and lie in bed and read and I would drop off at a sensible time, but at 10pm I just feel wide awake. I really have to force myself.

katiecubs · 25/11/2012 14:36

If it was my child i would be concerned that:-

a, He was happy for such a long time in such a confined space. Does he not walk/move about/want to explore?
b, He was happy for such a long time with no human interaction. I know personality accounts for alot but at such a young age i would not consider this normal behaviour.

tittytittyhanghang · 25/11/2012 14:37

well ds bedroom is upstairs, mines is downstairs, he goes for a nap during the day, in his bed upstairs. Sometimes he plays for a while first. And sometimes he falls asleep on the floor/on his teddies/ on his chair. And sometimes i go for a nap in my bed. Sometimes i do housework mumsnet. Is that really what people call neglect nowadays?

motherinferior · 25/11/2012 14:38

As far as I'm concerned, the first three years of your child's life are about basic survival. You do whatever gets you through.

InNeedOfBrandy · 25/11/2012 14:38

My d would of been happy playing by herself for 2 hours with a couple of saucepans and a wooden spoon. Or I would put dora the bloody explorer/wonder pets and she would be transfixed for as long as the tv was on for.

SamSmalaidh · 25/11/2012 14:38

I think it comes down to people with very demanding children who need constant entertainment assume they are the norm, and cannot grasp that some children are content to amuse themselves or enjoy a bit of quiet time.

NeedabreaknotabloodyKitKat · 25/11/2012 14:39

"I didn't have a playpen, they are just cages for small children. I made the house safe. Why do people need them?"

Dunno, maybe I don't need it, I'll try without tomorrow and report back. Monday's a quiet day in A&E, right?

Gentleness · 25/11/2012 14:39

You know I think if I am a flaky, abandoning parent and not nearly precious enough and put having a healthy mum above indulging ds's occasional desire for play at unreasonable hours - then I'm in pretty good company! later this evening I'll raise an alcoholic Wine to the band of like-minded parents on here, even though baby is due in 4wks and I'm laid up with an evil cold and contractions from overdoing the nesting for my precious 3rd child who'll be abandoned at 6am once they're over a year, just like the others...

tittytittyhanghang · 25/11/2012 14:39

I think it comes down to people with very demanding children who need constant entertainment assume they are the norm, and cannot grasp that some children are content to amuse themselves or enjoy a bit of quiet time.

^^ this

NapaCab · 25/11/2012 14:47

Am boiling over with envy here. My DS is 13 months and would scream blue murder if I even thought about putting him into a playpen. He won't let me out of his sight for more than 2 minutes so I'm amazed that your DS can play happily on his own for an hour at a time when you're not in the room. My DS can play on his own for short times if I'm around and he can see me but if I leave the room e.g. to go and get something, then he cries for me.

One thing that would worry me about what you're doing is how do you know he isn't crying / whimpering in his playpen and you're sleeping through it? If you're used to getting a nap at a certain time, you might just be sleeping through the baby monitor. He could have cried in those 2.5. hours and you might just not have heard him. That's always what has stopped me from ever leaving DS on his own while I nap or snooze.

I really don't think playpens are a good idea but that might just be because my DS would hate it and scream so I assume they're cruel - but it could be that other babies are just not as clingy as mine.

RandallPinkFloyd · 25/11/2012 14:53

Poor OP, I hope you're not taking all this nonsense to heart.

Jesus, a mother asks for advice and she's told that she's a terrible neglectful mother? This place makes me fume sometimes it really does.

She asked for advice, it's the ones that don't ask for advice that are neglectful imo. And anyone who is completely sure that every decision they make is right is almost certainly a twat not the sort of parent I want to be.

Why do people fell the need to express such extreme opinions? How is that helpful?

Is there really no middle ground for some of you? Surely it's a lot more helpful and supportive to actually say something constructive.

Dear God, I'll bet your RL friends don't ask you for advice more than once.

RandallPinkFloyd · 25/11/2012 14:57

(That mini-rant wasn't directed at everyone btw, there have been many lovely posts amidst all the crap)

SamSmalaidh · 25/11/2012 14:57

Do you not hear your DS in the night though NapaCab? I hear my DS wake up in the night even before he cries (and without a baby monitor) and most of my mum friends say the same thing - they are very tuned in to their child, even when asleep. Unlike my DH who can literally sleep through DS crying and vomitting in the bed next to him Hmm

RandallPinkFloyd · 25/11/2012 15:05

I wish I could sleep through some of it Sam, I wake up at every blooming fart Angry. I thought It would change when he went into his own room. Nope, my body still feels a need to be at full attention if he sneezes!

katiecubs · 25/11/2012 15:05

I think it comes down to people with very demanding children who need constant entertainment assume they are the norm, and cannot grasp that some children are content to amuse themselves or enjoy a bit of quiet time.

Not really no. We are not talking about a toddler happy amusing themselves while you potter round the kitchen or do a few chores. He was alone for 2.5 hours!

My d would of been happy playing by herself for 2 hours with a couple of saucepans and a wooden spoon. Or I would put dora the bloody explorer/wonder pets and she would be transfixed for as long as the tv was on for.

But did you leave her totally alone in a seperate room while she did this? If not how would you know she would have been happy doing so?

OHforDUCKScake · 25/11/2012 15:06

Nail on the head from previous poster, its the lack of human interaction that gets me. I think I just want my ds to know where I am in case he needs me. I want him to feel secure in the knowledge that someone is there, that he can see.

I suppose my ds is demanding in some ways, but someone said a parent admits to doing anything to get a good nights sleep, its not that is it? Its a lie in. If you are having bad nights, go to bed earlier. I have to go to bed at 7.30 2 nights a week and 9pm others to survive the hell which are night times. I just wouldnt leave my child in another room while I slept. I couldnt relax enough to sleep anyway.

Sirzy · 25/11/2012 15:09

I would wonder what all those who are so concerned about children having human interaction are doing on mumsnet and not interacting with your children! I do hope they are all napping and not being ignored.

A few hours entertaining themselves isn't going to cause any issues and is probably better than an over tired mum with no energy to do anything!

SamSmalaidh · 25/11/2012 15:10

katiecubs - chances are he dozed at some point in those 2.5 hours. My DS will regularly play for an hour in the morning before calling for me, and sometimes for 2 hours in the afternoon and has done since about 20 months.

My DS knows that someone is there and will come when he calls, even if he can't see them Hmm Maybe he is a genius?

PurpleGentian · 25/11/2012 15:15

My DS often had a short nap when he was in his playpen. The playpen came with a padded mat that fitted in the bottom of it, so softer than the floor. I usually just popped a blanket over him so he could sleep undisturbed if I saw him sleeping.

I also think it's likely that the OP's DS napped during this 2.5hrs in the playpen. And given the baby monitor, the OP would presumably have heard if her DS started crying for her.

tittytittyhanghang · 25/11/2012 15:23

Not really no. We are not talking about a toddler happy amusing themselves while you potter round the kitchen or do a few chores. He was alone for 2.5 hours!

But he's no more alone whilst mummy potters in the kitchen than alone when mummy naps on her bed/sofa.

katiecubs · 25/11/2012 15:27

Sam i didn't say i was concerned about the neglect angle. i'm sure he was safe and of course he would have called out if he wanted/needed something.

I am more concerned that he didn't call out and was totally happy on his own in a confined space for such a long period of time. He may have fallen asleep (we will never know as he was alone) but the OP does not suggest this as an option and says he is reguarly happy for an hour in the same situation.

If it was me i would get this checked out as it raises red flags.

katiecubs · 25/11/2012 15:30

Titty without going into specifics about the layouts of peoples houses and locations of playpens i would have assumed people to take from this statement that it is one thing a toddler to amuse themselves while they can see and hear you and another when you are fast asleep out of sight in another room!

InNeedOfBrandy · 25/11/2012 15:32

Yes katie she was, I was at college then so she would of amused herself in the living room while my head was stuck in textbooks at the kitchen table. I also like hour long soaks in the bath, she would happily amuse herself then to. And she never cried in the morning to get out of her cot she would babble away to herself until I got her up. But of course thats abandoment and neglect.

Maybe it is to do with brightness as someone else said, my dd is the top of the top set in everything in school not a child genius taking gcse at 11 but very very clever.