Too much time in playpen for toddler?

[lexiss]

This morning DS 17 months woke up at 6am. I got up bf him and put him in the playpen. It is one of those extra large, hexagonal playpens.

Around 6.15 I gave him some water and changed his nappy. Then I went back to bed after making sure the playpen had only safe toys and the baby monitor was plugged in.

I fell asleep and woke up at 8.30. I went out to see DS and he was happily playing with this toys. He is very into small manipulative puzzles, shape boxes, stacking cups etc at the moment and he was busy playing with these.

He had been in the playpen for nearly 2.5 hours! Is this too long? Is there a problem that he plays happliy for this length of time by himself?

Most days I have a nap during the day for an hour or so and DS spends this time in the playpen but I have never left him for 2.5 hours before.

What do you think about this?

My worry would be that my toddler would find a way to climb out of the playpen, open the door and wander off into the street/get into difficulties while you're asleep. Being knackered is part and parcel of the job of parenting.

As I said upthread - I'm a big fan of playpens for keeping my DD safe (talking the BIG ones) whilst I do housework. My house is a decent size and I can hear her unless the washer/vacuum/dishwasher is on no matter where I am, because I leave all the doors open.

I don't have an issue with the 2.5 hour thing, as long as the parent pops in and out interacting with the child and making sure they are ok. I do have a problem with the sleeping thing, and the sleeping in another room.

People have said that this isn't neglectful. I said in my previous post that IF something happened then it would be viewed as neglect. I'm not hysterical, as a parent of a child who does play alone merrily for decent periods of time I am happy that she does and I allow her to. But I check - sometimes through the crack between the door and the frame.

So... to the people who think sleeping in another room whilst your toddler plays alone in a playpen is not neglectful....

Headline of tomorrows paper:

Toddler in hospital after seriously injuring himself in home.

Toddler, X months, was rushed into hospital with severe injuries following an incident at home. It is thought that the child fell/scalded self/pulled heavy item down on head after climbing out of his playpen.

His mother was asleep in another room at the time, having returned to bed after placing her child in the pen. When questioned she said "I was tired, and I had the monitor on."

The child remains in a serious but stable condition. It is not yet known whether the injuries he has sustained will cause permanent damage.

I know that if this was in the paper the "mum" would be absolutely villified on here. She would be up there with the worst parents in the world and ripped to absolute pieces and we all know it.

But - because nothing has happened yet in the exact same situation the idea that this is neglectful behaviour has been completely pooh-poohed. The only difference is the OPs child didn't get out of the playpen.

Yeah - right.

I don't think anyone is in raptures about getting up at that time but to be adamant that you are not because it is the night and you need your sleep...well that's precious, grow up, find some stamina and realise that actually a lot of people are up at that time as IT IS the morning.

Yep coola for me it's not the playpen as these are invaluable for keeping a child safe, and in my case keeping a baby safe from a curious toddler.

For me it's the going back to bed and sleeping in a different room.

Lots of people are up at 5am too, what difference does that make?

Really, if there is no need to get up at 6am why would you? It makes no sense!

I don't in ANY way feel morally superior about getting up at 6. You however do seem to have feelings of moral inferiority because you refuse to respond to your toddler's needs. Why is that, why do you feel I'm saying I'm a better parent than you, you must have some serious self doubts about your parenting style.

6am may be the morning, but it's early morning so I am not getting up unless I really need to. Why would anyone?

My body clock is set to wake up at around 7am. Any earlier than that I feel knackered all day. If DS wakes before 7 he plays in his room, perfectly happily perfectly safely

Getting up at 6am is not a "need"

I havent read the whole of this thread yet, but I am shocked that someone would think it was ok to leave their child alone anywhere for the reason that they fancied some more sleep.

Parents are tired. Drink some coffee like everyone else or get someone else to watch DC while you sleep. I have never known an adult that cant get through a day without a nap. And leaving your small child unattended to do so is very selfish.

This thread is amazing!

Abandonment!

Indulgence

Fantasy news tragedies!

The most overt public displays of martyrdom since nearly 2000 years ago!

The assumption that unless you are an aforementioned martyr, you won't have a close relationship with your children when they're older!

Diagnosis of special needs via the internet!

Hahahaha!

This thread is hysterical, absolutely hysterical. WTAF is the difference between what the OP did and waking up at 6am, going into their room and feeding them, leaving them in their cot and going back to bed and going in to get them up for the day at 8.30am?

Absolutely nothing, that's what.

i co-sleep with my 4yo and my 10mo. neither of them have ever spent a single night in their own cot/bed and even i can't see a problem with this.

The smell of burning martyr on this thread is overwhelming.

Goldenbear, but that is exactly what you are saying when you accuse someone of putting their needs above their child's needs by not springing out of bed when the baby wakes. You are saying that because you get up at 6am when your toddler wakes then your parenting is better. You may not have used those specific words but it's obvious to anyone with half a brain cell that's what you were implying.

I don't have any children but when I do someone please remind me not to ask advice on Mumsnet; because although there are lots of people who give helpful advice, there are always people like you ready to be smug, self righteous and judgemental.

Sorry Goldenbear, not in this house either.

I must have missed the royal edict that was issued telling me what time I have to get up.

My kids sleep in at weekends. Always have. I have to wake them every morning for school. (and yes, they are in bed at a reasonable time before you accuse me of keeping them up till all hours)

Do you reckon I should go in and shake them awake at 6am on a Sunday morning because staying in bed later than that is somehow spineless and lacking in stamina.

6am suits you. Great. It doesn't suit me or my family.

Very probably stupid - do you not leave your child alone in its bedroom at night while you sleep?! You selfish person you.

If it wakes you at 3am and is wide awake, do you not put it back in bed so you can go back to sleep???

Well it is if the toddler wants to NATURALLY get up in the MORNING. If your child is happy to play on its own for an hour until coincidentally the parents want to get up then there must have been some training done at some point where they were ignored. Personally, I feel their need to have company, you know of their parents and not be stuck in their cot for an hour on their own should be met.

My 9yo got up and made her own breakfast and milk and cleared it away before I even woke this morning. I await a call from SS

Yes, but he is asleep. In his bed. It is totally different than getting him up for the day then pissing off back to bed because you're too lazy to get up when your child gets up.

I'm not jumping on the bandwagon of people calling this neglect etc because basically OPs child was fine, and nothing happened.

But putting your child to bed at night and leaving him alone there is a completely different situation than leaving him alone to have a nap. Which you dont need. Its the same as thinking 'oh, i fancy going out in the garden to sunbathe for two hours without having to parent my child, so ill just chuck him in the play pen while i indulge myself'.

The need to have company every second of the day?

DS is in a bed not a cot does that make me 'ignoring' and 'abandoning' him ok?

How can you judge anyone else on their parenting, or accuse them of ignoring their child when you know nothing? DS loves playing on his own, he quiet often 'cooks' breakfast for me on his toy kitchen which we eat together before going downstairs.

he is happy, I am happy yet you feel the need to judge? Are you really such a perfect parent you can pass judgement on others?

My DS has never been left to cry If he woke before 7am he either came into bed with us or stayed in his cot and played with toys/books until getting up time, depending on his age. Now at 27 months he will quite often play in his room for an hour before calling for us.

Goldenbear, not everyone has very demanding children - some are happy to play alone and not be entertain every second of the day.

BitOutOfPractice You now need to get her trained to bring you breakfast in bed!

I cannot understand why anyone thinks its ok to leave a toddler alone downstairs for 2.5hours while sleeping upstairs. If someone more enlightened can tell me why this is ok id appreciate it.

I think almost every has said that the OP would be better sleeping on the sofa in the same room in future wewereherefirst.

Sirzy, she brought me coffee when I woke and rang my bell

It's not just the safety aspect, though, is it? Two and a half hours of no interaction whatsoever isn't particularly good for his development, whether he seems to accept it placidly or not.

...leaving him alone to have a nap. Which you dont need.

but she very obviously did need it it, very badly if she has sleep problems and slept for 2.5hrs.