How important are looks (in a man)?

[dollywashers]

Ive met a lovely man. He's a really lovely person, great with my kids, loads in common and have a great time together. BUT I don't really fancy him! I've always gone for attractive bad boys in the past. I've got two kids and I'm tired. I can't do attractive bad boys anymore. AIBU to wonder if it can work without me finding him physically attractive?

I think it is important but then I have a friend who is married and her husband is far from my 'ideal' man in looks but I can see why she finds him attractive as he is such a fab guy, so maybe the feeling will grow in time - I don't know what I would do in your position though?

Does the thought of shagging him make you want to barf?

No it doesn't make me barf. He just doesn't drive me wild with desire.

I think its important to have chemistry with someone unless you are not really that fussed about sex. I think the spark needs to be there at the start, well for me anyway. Otherwise its more of a friendship. I don't think you have to keep going for bad boys but neither should you settle for someone you don't fancy (unless the physical side of things isn't that important). There will be a man out there who you fancy but comes without all the drama and treats you well.

I don't think looks are that important. Attraction is though,chemistry if you like. The bloke could be the least facially pleasing man in the world,if there's chemistry,it won't bother you.

I think if it's not there to start with,you are doing both him and yourself a disservice and may regret it in the long run.

I agree with Alisvolatpropiis. A man doesn't have to be stereotypically 'good looking' to be attractive.

A really good sense of humour is wildly attractive to me, regardless of looks.

Looks aren't that important, but if someone just doesn't appeal enough it can be hard to get past it.

Is the problem something tactfully fixable (grooming, choice of clothes), or is it just plain not right for you? Total lack of physical appeal in the early days, which are meant to be at least mildly heady, Does strike me as a bad indicator.

And, after a run of bad boys, wanting a haven is understandable. But any port in a storm isn't the way to find one in which you can be safe AND happy.

Well do you find him attractive at all? If no best leave him to someone that does.

For me looks are important, I have to be attracted to them. They do t have to be a supermodel mind you, they may have lovely eyes or teeth or whatever. Try him, his good bits could well make you attracted to him

My XH wasn't handsome, but had a lovely smile. I found him very attractive because of his personality and there was a huge chemistry there.

I have been on a date with a man where there was a bit of chemistry, but he had really bad teeth, I mean, most of them were missing and what was there was brown and gnarled....

I feel shallow that it made a difference to me......

I had a man who was attracted to my photo, had a great connection by email, same sense of humour etc, but saw more photos and refused to meet me due to my size. Was adament there would be no spark, without even meeting. That I did find sad.....

Speaking from experience, staying with someone you don't fancy is a recipe for disaster and will just end up with you hurting him in the end. you either do or you don't and if you aren't feeling it after having a lovely time together it ain't gonna happen.

" Drive me wild with desire" - I find that strange. I never felt that way about any of the men I fell in love with as it was a heart swelling romantic, heady emotion I felt. Most women fall in love not lust.
But whatever you are looking for in a male partner and good stepfather for your kids, you ought to feel warmth and love for him when in his arms.

Those bad boys who drove you wild with desire were no good to you anyway.
If you really loved him you would find everything about him attractive - so to me you don't and it is not fair on him as he obviously thinks you do

Good looks = not important
Being attractive = important

I don't know what DH looks like to other people but he's very fwoar to me and has been since I first layed eyes on him. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

But there has to be some 'attraction' between you and a possible bf, the way he hands you a martini, his laugh, his thoughtfulness, the nape of his neck.. et cetera

sex.
if you and he are willing to work on making sex amazing, you'll get round to fancying him like mad.

Vamos
Yep, you reminded me of the surge of love/attraction to the " nape of the neck" - gorgeous.

You absolutely have to fancy him. This is nothing to do with looks but you have to fancy him.

I agree, attraction isn't about looks - its the x-factor if you like.

I've never been with a 'pretty boy', but all the men I've been attracted to have been very manly if that makes any sense? You wouldn't want them in their boxers posing for an aftershave advert, but in person there's just something about their whole persona that's incredibly attractive.

Tbh if your not getting that spark, I would relegate it to friendship, it's one thing you shouldn't have to work on in the beginning IMO.

As important as they are in a woman. Agree with everyone else, if you don't fancy him it's a non starter, but it's not necessarily looks that attract me. I've fancied the arse off some frankly butt ugly blokes in my time, but they had a certain something that made me go weak at the knees. In a similar vein I've known some spectacularly good looking blokes that have left me stone cold in the attraction stakes.