to expect him to make an effort?

[mashietattie]

Background: "d"p and I don't live together, partly because he is so lazy (and he readily admits he's lazy!). I organise everything we do socially, not because I don't like his suggestions but because he makes no suggestions; he can't be bothered to organise anything. This includes all the cooking (we eat together most nights). I find this wearing and I often feel taken for granted.

We agreed a few months back that this isn't fair on me so he would organise something at least once a month. Went fine for a couple of months then back to normal. SO I asked him earlier today to think of somthing to do tonight. He suggests theatre - sold out - then going out to a cafe - really negative reviews on internet so I asked if we could go somewhere else. We're in a city, there's loads of good choices.

So he went in a big flap and told me to find somewhere to eat if I didn't like what he suggested. I told him no, it was his turn and to stop expecting me to do everything. Apparently this makes me a bully and he's now sulking. AIBU or should I have agreed to go for a rubbish meal and been grateful that he'd made the effort?

A petty argument but it reflects a lot more :(

His perceived laziness stopping you from living together....is this because you don't want to live with someone you feel is lazy, or because he hasn't got round to moving in with you/have you move in with him?

It's hard to tell who is unreasonable here, because you've contradicted yourself (by saying in the first paragraph that it's not because you don't like his suggestions, then by not liking his suggestion later on). It doesn't seem clear where the balance is.

On the basis of what you've said, you sound a bit of a nag, but he may be a bit more non-committal than you've made out. Too hard to tell.

I can kind of see his point slightly.

If someone went on at me to suggest to do something and I did twice and it still wasn't good enough. I would have gone in a mood too.

But I can see your side too.

I think Euphemia has hit the nail on the head.

I sympathise - but if you look at it from his perspective, you pretty much took over. His first plan fell through, fine. He came up with a second plan but you checked it out and told him it wasn't good enough and that he needed to come up with something else. So it really wasn't his night to organise any more, he probably just felt he would keep coming up with options that weren't good enough.

To be honest I would have gone along with what he organised, even if I was worried the food would be awful, because at this point you want to reinforce that you appreciate him doing the organising occasionally, rather than undermining his choices when he actually does make the arrangements.

if you want to give up control and let him be in charge once a month then do that, it is only through experience that he will learn it is important to check reviews etc

and if he picked a place what was the point looking at the reviews?

oh well fair enough! better go and grovel now. Euphemia, you're right.