To think "ok, i have been daft" but ffs didnt expect such judgemental attitiudes from folk around me!

[nananaps]

Im pregnant, 30 weeks.
This baby was not supposed to be, i didnt expect it to progress and so carried on as i have been for the last 10 years, busy at work, busy at home, busy with uni work.

Been working over 40 hours a week in a highly stressful job which has got more stressful over the last 6 weeks. Its not a job that i can just switch off and go home and forget.
Have constant back pain, hip pain and im not sleeping.

Ended up on delivery suite the other night with back to back very strong tightenings. These lasted all night. Anyway, all is fine.

More than one friend has said to me that i have been putting work before myself and this baby. I probably have, feel guilty as hell, but i have got life to get on with and i never take pregnancy seriously because i just expect it to end.

So, ive made it to 30 weeks, so now i have to take it seriously, so i am doing.

Spose i am just disapointed in the lack of supportive comments.
Im sorting myself out. why do people feel the need to comment negatively?
For that i think that they are BU. Feel bad enough as it is.

I think they are advising you rather then being negative, real friends tell each other the truth even if the person not like hearing it.

Maybe they meant it more in a concerned way but because you are feeling guilty/sensitive you are hearing it as an attack?

Many posters on Mumsnet seem to imbue fairly innocuous comments with great malice when none was intended!

I worked in a stressful job while pg so I feel your pain.

Take it easy now and CONGRATULATIONS!

What do you mean,you didn't expect it to progress?

I think pointing out that you need to put yourself and your baby before your work IS being supportive. It's a comment designed to ensure your well being. Suppirtive doesn't always mean agreeing with you.

It must have been very hard to carry a pregnancy expecting it to end. Sound like you've protected yourself somewhat from that by just carrying on as if it wasn't there. No reason to feel guilty about that.

However you're 30 weeks. There is now every chance your baby will be born happy and healthy and you need to start getting yourself in to a frame of mind where you can maybe believe that.

Have you been for all your scans? Would a posh 3d (or id it 4d?) one be an idea if you can afford it? You can actually start to see what - and who - your baby will look like. Might help?

I doubt it's meant as criticism - it's probably more concern for both you and the baby. Do they know how you felt - that you didn't expect it to progress etc?

Pregnant women work full time lots many up to actual delivery with no problems,

Why do they think its your work that has caused your problem?

I am assuming there is a back story to your not expecting the pregnancy to continue.

No one can tell you what you should be doing. You have had a bit of a scare, you have realised you need to slow down.

If friends are "blaming" you then that's crap and YANBU for feeling they are not being supportive. Pregnancy is one of those times when others feel they have the right to pontificate about what you should be doing or, moreover, a list of things you do which are irresponsible . IMO, you need to either develop a glazed expression, staring into the middle distance to show your disinterest or you need to say "my baby, my way". Believe me, it only gets worse once their born!

FWIW, your scare could have been due to any number of reasons so blaming yourself - or listening to others judging you - is not of any benefit.

Hmmm, didnt think of it as concern, just took t as critisism i suppose.

Work has been the most stressful and demanding thing, delivery couldnt attribute any reason for the contractions, it wasnt early labour, probably doing too much and stress they said..makes sense as i have been really on the ceiling with anxiety.

Defo a protective thing avoiding thinking beyond tomorrow with this baby, multiple mcs you see.

No need for that now, i see that, its all going to be good and fine and healthy and happy and real and i can almost touch it its SO close....

I do have lovely friends, just unexpectedly felt like a jab in the ribs.

So it could very well be nothing to do with work. You should see what some women in other parts of the world do when they're pregnant. Good luck with the rest of the pregnancy.

nana i have followed your other thread and i bumped it the other week to see how you are!! anyway sorry you had a bit if a scare but yanbu you have done nothing wrong.

do make sure your work has done a rusk assesment and they are taking care of your needs etc. pay attention to your body, i think you may have 'tuned out' a bit and i think that is perfectly understandable given the circumstances.

your friends should be more understanding, hipefully they mean well and are just concerned for you xxx

Hiya madthings!! how lovely to talk to you again

Think i have zoned out...trouble is now i am the size of a hippo i have no choice in slowing down
Urine clear, nothing in it,
BP ok,
Growth scans all normal
AND..
I have a date for C section whoooohooooooo .
Now THAT made it real!

Oh nana sorry to hear you've ha a stressful time recently. I was a lurker on your other threads, an have been wondering how you've been getting on.

I totally understand why you feel a bit attacked, but I'm sure people are just concerned for you, especially given your history. Big hugs and I hope things get less stressful soon! X

Thanks Kate

I am going into work on Monday to bring mat leave forward, sort out leave and time owing and doing shortened weeks until mat leave.

I havent even got a babygrow yet, let alone a nappy!

Gotta get a move on..

whats the date?!!

and no need to go mad, get yourself to h&m for cheap unisex babygrows etc. you donf need loads and i bet you will be inu dated with gifts once babynaps arrives! :)

I remember your thread when you found out, and funnily enough I was just thinking about you this morning, wondering how you were getting on.

Yay to 30weeks What veg/fruit/other are you now?

I am sure people are just concerned about you and certainly don't mean to make you feel attacked.

Congratulations and a hug I think and I don't care if I'm not meant to.

wisden its got to be something large and round now! like a melon...or frozen turkey!!

25th January is my D date. 1st on the section list.

30 weeks!!! Nananaps that is fantastic! I lost your thread and was wondering how you were getting on.

I can understand why it would sound like a criticism but I think she was just trying to give you a prod in the right direction - and it sounds like it worked!

Congratulations on the c-section date. I'm so excited for you.

thats lovely advice matilda, i have had a previous section and did prety much as you suggest, it was truly lush.
Wound healed lovely, although i did look after it myself pretty much (im a nurse and love wounds..even my own!)

30 weeks lalalalalalaaaaaa!

nananaps
I remember the weekend when you were thinking you couldn't possibly be pregnant - it was Father's Day and I popped into Church for my Dad and said a little prayer for you. Last time I popped into Church actually .
I have your thread on 'watched' and often wonder how you're getting on.
Glad things are on an even keel, but you do have a highly stressful job (and how grateful we all are for people like you), but you do need to be a little more selfish for you and little one.
Please take care - and I think it's time you started to believe!!!

I think it sounds like one of those well meaning stock phrases that are thrown about rather than a criticism. It's often used as a well done but its time to now take it easy. Rather than you're in this situation because you've valued your job over health.

I was going to say I worked up to a few days before due date with my DC's but I sat on my huge butt in an office. I could not begin to compare that with being an angel nurse. It seems as if your LO is telling you it's time for Mum to have a well deserved rest before He/she arrives. I hope you get lots of support and no more scares.