To think PIL should be more interested in ds than friends?

[ewaczarlie]

Ok am I being over sensitive here? pIL moved north a few months ago. Before they lived close by and saw ds every week. Now they rarely see him (although Sid have him for half term). Today is a family friends gathering and they are coming down so will see ds there for 2hrs but here's the thing, I would have thought they would want to come down a couple of hrs earlier to spend quality time with ds but appears not.
I'm quite pissed off as ds adores them and after spending 1st 3yrs of his life seeing them regularly now hardly sees them. You'd think they'd want to see their only gs!
Should I just accept that they will no longer be a significant part f ds life? What I guess I'm most pissed about is that thy are willing to make the 3hr trip for friends but not their gc.
Unfortunately my parents live abroad so ds only sees them a few times a year, I'm sad that he doesn't have gp around.
So AIBU to expect gps to make more effort?

Have you ever had any friends around to meet your ds, OP? And was that showing him off like a pedigree dog? Or is it different when you do it?

Surely being proud of your grandchild and wanting your friends to know it is a normal healthy part of family life? Just like it is a normal healthy thing for a proud parent to want the grandparents to appreciate their grandchild. So why would one be right and the other wrong?

I think what we are all trying to tell you is, this isn't just about you and your feelings, it's about your son, about his future relationship to his grandparents and about the way he learns to relate to other people in general.

If you bring him up to feel slighted at every opportunity he will be massively disadvantaged in life. If you teach him to be easy going and generous in his attitude to other people, he will find opportunities opening up before him at every turn.

They had him for a week not so long ago. Hmmmm.

Thank u for the parenting advice, my poor DS is indeed disadvantaged. Think by al, yr wise comments I should just relax and let the gp do as they want (and if they don't want to make an effort to see their gc then I will just relax and not ush the issue). It's actually great advice, since dh doesn't want to see his own parents then why should I encourage any family time.

You can't post on AIBU and then only choose to take on board the comments you agree with "others are plain rude so I'll ignore those", it's the sort of area where you will get both perspectives, it's the old adage never ask a question you don't want to hear the answer to! Your PIL will be seeing your DS and just because it's not in the way you would prefer that they do it does not make their visit any less valuable for your DS.

YANBU they see him regularly. People do have lives outwith children. Your PIL simply sound like normal, well adjusted people who have a balanced social life. They sound really rather lovely grandparents.

Yes they only had him for a whole week. Lazy sluggards.

I agree with you about relaxing and let the GPs do what they want.
I think that is a good idea and it is what we do.

Stop fretting.

Not sure why it is 'poor son' though
He's not long had a week at GPs hasn't he? 2x

ewaczarlie Sat 24-Nov-12 14:55:36
"Thank u for the parenting advice, my poor DS is indeed disadvantaged."

He will be if you teach him to throw a strop every time he doesn't get things exactly the way he wants them. It is up to you to make his life easy by teaching him social skills and gratitude for the good things in life. Like grandparents who want to have him for a whole week at halfterm.

Have you actually asked them if they would like to come earlier to yours? Maybe they don't feel they can invite themselves or just turn up? (sorry if this has already been asked)

So you expect your PIL who do not get on with their own son, to make a special effort to spend even more time with him, you and a 3 year old who they just saw for a week a few of weeks ago?

YABU.

Why aren't you on your parents case to move to the UK to spend more time with him? Not that you should of course be on anyones.

I wish my parents or my IL would have the kids for a week. Or a night even.
You're lucky to have PIL who are interested in your DS. Some of us don't have that luxury.

^ that wasn't having a pop at you btw, I'm just a bit envious

Well we've jut returned from said night and DS didn't want to spend much time with gps. I sat with them and talked with them but he didn't want to so I was relaxed and let him do what he wants. Unsurprisingly gps asked if they could see him tomorrow. Now we have plans but for all of those claiming I'm BU I've said yes of course, well cancel ur plans as I know how important it is for them all to spend time together (and they apologised for not making time to see him today thus making us change plans which of course I don't mind because I believe that family comes 1st). I know my DS and gps - his avoiding them is natural since he doesn't see them that often now but I don't want him to loose contact with them ESPECIALLY since dh isn't interested in seeing them.