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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my MIL to take this photo off her Facebook?

113 replies

DancingLola · 23/11/2012 21:27

Sorry,a joint FB/MIL whinge coming up!

I just logged on to FB to find my MIL has uploaded a photo of DS in the bath on her profile, and has made it her profile pic. He's lying on his front covered in bubbles & you can quite clearly see his bum. Aibu to not be happy about the photo being public? I'm not one of these people who thinks there are peadophiles lurking everywhere, and I don't mind her putting up photos of him normally (as long he's wearing clothes!) but I have no idea who she's friends with on FB & want her to delete it!

OP posts:
mnistooaddictive · 24/11/2012 08:15

Loads of people (including the mayor) have seen my dd2s bottom as she hates wearing clothes. The world is still turning.

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 24/11/2012 08:39

Not going to have a go, but just curious OP, why is it so different because the photo is of his bum?

nomoreminibreaks · 24/11/2012 08:59

I'm pretty relaxed about this stuff and there is a photo of DS that shows his bottom on FB when he was about 6mo I think.

I did have a fleeting thought at the time though - these babies are growing up in a time when FB is huge. Assuming it doesn't become obsolete somehow, DS will one day have an FB account. Will we go back and tag him in all the photos we've added of him over the years, thus giving future friends the ability to see photos from the day he was born?

I know it'd be the same as getting the baby album out for girlfriends but it was a bit of a strange thought. I imagine it'll become commonplace by then?

FantasticMax · 24/11/2012 09:11

I too think the OP is getting a hard time. I would be annoyed if my MIL did this - or anyone else for that matter - and I would ask them to take it down.

A friend of mine recently posted several photos of her DD potty training. You couldn't actually see any naked bits or anything, but I just felt it was an intrusion of the child's privacy and will be extremely embarrassing for her when she grows up - my friend has no privacy settings.

I think posting a picture of a 5 year old's bum in the bath without the parent's permission IS wrong. I certainly wouldn't have wanted naked bath pictures of me as a child on the Internet and I would extend the same courtesy to my DCs.

LtEveDallas · 24/11/2012 09:29

I had someone 'defriend' me when I posted a naked bum picture of DD swimming naked in our pool. Apparently I had 'broken DDs trust' and 'put her in danger'

Ridiculous woman. She was no loss.

StaceymReadyForNumber3 · 24/11/2012 09:31

My xh's fiancée put up pics of my kids in the bath, she pretty quickly got a text via my XH telling them this is not appropriate and I want them removed. They were gone within the hour.

YANBU

IneedAsockamnesty · 24/11/2012 09:38

A few weeks or so ago there was a thread about fb photos of a naked child swimming on holiday think child was about 10ish the op of that thread who had posted the photos got a mega telling off when she asked aibu because her ex had been angry about them.

GlitKnit · 24/11/2012 09:39

facebook is just shit

at least put shitty facebook whinges in the topic so the rest of us dont have to endure them

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 24/11/2012 09:43

YANBU. And I say that as a mother of a 5 year old girl who will happily have her picture taken but would be mortified if everyone saw her bum Shock

Floggingmolly · 24/11/2012 09:53

Well, I don't think YABU, nothing to do with your child's arse, but because I don't allow anyone to put my kids photos on Facebook.
I choose if and when anything relating to my kids is put on the Internet - some people find this extremely odd but I'm fine with that. My decision.

MikeOxard · 24/11/2012 09:59

Even though catgirl's comments are fucking hilarious, yanbu to tell her you don't like it. There's probably enough arse on fb already.

BIWI · 24/11/2012 10:09

I think a lot of you need to think about how you are going to feel/behave when you have grandchildren. If someone tried to tell you that you have no right to show off a picture of your own grandchild, how do you think you will feel?

If it's not about paedophiliac hysteria, then what is the issue? OP, you have these very pictures online yourself, so what is the difference between you and the grandmother of your child having them online?

And you are assuming that because your mother is in her 50s (God help her, she shouldn't be allowed on the internet on her own as she is so old Hmm) that she hasn't got her FB page set up properly. Do you know that for sure?

I sometimes wonder how we older people manage.

NairyHipples · 24/11/2012 10:11

FloggingMolly But how do you prevent anyone from putting photos of your kids on FB?

ByTheWay1 · 24/11/2012 10:11

So it is wrong for men to oggle pictures of naked 5 year olds on the internet, but not wrong for OPs MIL to post naked pictures of a 5 year old Hmm....

The child is naked..... ask MIL if you can change your profile pic to one her naked in the bath covered in bubbles except for HER bum - see how she would like it...

GreenBeer · 24/11/2012 10:12

YANBU I would be pissed off and be asking MIL to take it down. We live in another country from both sides of our family so we send them pics by whatsapp so they can see DD and the SIL and MIL started posting these on FB so I asked DH to speak to them.

My family have never done this (as they know me well enough to know that if I wanted them on FB I would put them there myself!) but if they did, I would tell them to remove also. So its not a 'me v the in-laws' comment.

Blu · 24/11/2012 10:13

YANBU
I hate this lack of respect for anyone's choice about what aspect of their private lives are made public to the big wide world. You don't have to be hysterical about paedos to just want to keep private family moments private family stuff. What are her settings like? Do people realise that if your DS is named / tagged then anyone for years to come who searches his name on Google will see that image on google images? NIce way to launch his first attempts to get a job.

Ask her reasonably and nicely (she almost certainly just didn't think, and was proud).

If that doesn't work put up a pic of her naked in the bath as your profile pic.

IneedAsockamnesty · 24/11/2012 10:14

glit

Did you not see Facebook in the thread title? You didn't have to click on it. It's clearly a aibu.

Woozley · 24/11/2012 10:15

I would ask her to make it "friends only", remove it as a profile pic & if she doesn't know how to do that, just delete it.

IneedAsockamnesty · 24/11/2012 10:24

When I have grandchildren I would never post a photo of them naked online, and if I did and the parent asked me to remove it I would be suitably sorry for doing it.

If its ok to post naked pictures of 5 year olds is it also ok for 10 yo 15 or 20?

Would it be ok for my mum to put up a naked photo of me now? It would be a criminal offence if she did without consent

AThingInYourLife · 24/11/2012 10:28

YANBU

I don't mind photos of my children being online, but I do think they are entitled not to have adults they don't know looking at pictures of their bare arses.

BIWI · 24/11/2012 10:30

But it's not about a photo of the OP at that age is it? And it's about a photo that the OP already has online.

HauntedLittleLunatic · 24/11/2012 10:31

Hmm....I wouldn't be happy, but then my dm has about 30 thousand friends she doesn't know from Adam that just happen to play farmville or whatever the current fad is.

I would be a but upset that it is a profile pic though, because profile pics are googleable even once they have been removed.

Iheartpasties · 24/11/2012 10:42

I would be silently fuming if my MIL did this, and you are of course doing the right thing (your dh asking nicely for it to be taken down), it's not liek you are banning your MIL from seeing your kids! Just asking nicely that she respects your wishes re: photos on FB. I find it wierd when I see my MIL wit pics of my child as her profile picture, my BIL does it too.

shesariver · 24/11/2012 10:43

GlitKnit Guess you missed the word FACEBOOK in the title then? Hmm People can post what they like here, no-one is forced to read or "endure" anything.

Original poster
DancingLola · 24/11/2012 10:45

Thought I'd pop back on quickly to update...

DH managed to speak to MIL this morning & she's now removed the photo. She said she didn't realise her profile was public, but had wondered how friends of her friends had manage to comment on the pic Hmm Anyway, all sorted & no major grudges being held as far as I can tell!

BIWI - It was my MIL, not mother who put the photo up and I only mentioned her age in connection to psychomum5's comment about her generation. I don't consider early 50s to be old. Honestly, she's not internet savvy & she mainly uses FB to play games, so hasn't looked at the privacy settings. I don't have these photos online myself, as I said in an earlier post, I've got a few in a private album, but DS is fully clothed in them. This is a photo that she took & posted, not one of mine that she has shared/copied. When I'm a grandparent I hope that I'd follow the lead of my GC's parents as far as photos online go. I don't think my grandparents have any photos of me naked as a child, but I'm pretty sure my parents have a few in an album somewhere Smile

OP posts:
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