Expect more from DH?

[Jennlx]

I have a 1 year old and a 2.5 year old. We have no help from family (I'm from another country - oh's from another planet). I've been away from the kids (total break) about 5 times in past year, mostly for beauty appointments. We've just moved - so I'm just finishing putting the house together. I feel shattered, exhausted all the time. Far less energy than ever before. I joined a gym, but am too knackered to go at 8pm after kids in bed. While DS says he appreciates how hard it is to look after kids so young, he's completely oblivious to me. I asked him if he could take a day off/time off but said it was not possible until he gets to his monthly sales target - but this happens on last day of the month almost every single month. We're drifting further and further apart as I really am resenting his uninterested stance. I have spoken to him honestly and he's assured me things will change but not so far? Aibu? Sorry, long post!!

It's tricky because presumably if he doesn't meet his sales target he will bring home a minimal pay packet at the end of the month, so he's probably feeling work pressure too?
Does your gym not have a crèche where you could leave the children while you either exercise or drink a coffee and read a book?
How does your DH contribute on weekends? (I'm assuming he's not working 7days a week). Could you, rather than ask him to take time off, suggest he gives you half a day to yourself each weekend?
I really get where you're coming from though, it can be utterly draining when the children are so small and you feel you can barely breathe. I feel for you

Yes, thanks for your response and good points. I do know he's under pressure at work...although he's not often stressed by it - just last week of the month it seems! Also this month he told me that he'd met his target - then changed his mind when I wanted a day off! He's good on the weekends and helps out - but it's hard to leave as he really seems stressed out by the kids. He's quick to start yelling and time out, esp at my son as they seem to clash often as they're both so similar. I play peace maker most of the time. Ahhhhh...maybe this is issue with dh? He's supremely jealous of ds.

Ps. Sadly no creche - budget gym!

Oh, about your jealous comment. Do you think a first step might be to get a babysitter one evening and the two of you go out together? So he knows he's not lost his wife? Have a really nice sort of date evening?

When my DS was tiny (only child so my life was a lot easier) I sent him to nursery for half a day a week. Some people looked askance, but it meant I had a half day to - cant even remember what I did! Probably just saunter round, drink coffee and empty my brain. Obviously with two its quite expensive, but might that be an option? Or find if a childminder could accommodate you for a tiny amount of time?
The other thing is, I know it's difficult for you to leave them, but your DH needs to learn to live with and cope with his DS. Perhaps starting with some one-on-one time? Just imagine if anything happened to you so be HAD to look after both for a while AT THE SAME TIME as feeling stressed. He needs to get some practice in!
Sorry if I'm not suggesting anything very practical, I do understand its such a difficult phase of life

Rooble - you're totally right. Babysitter will be first step. I think we're both a bit resentful of each other and need to start afresh. I'm actually going back to work in Feb - which will be great but will miss the kids (although I will be off on Fridays). I guess I really should have expected all this - having them so close in age.

Thanks for the responses - I think I got a bit emotional and couldn't see the wood for the trees (PMT). I had four hours off on Sun and it was great! And my DS loved being with his father, so we're going to do it every week. Happy again! :)

pleased to hear it!

How old is your ds? I'm sorry to be blunt but if my DH was "supremely jealous" of my child, I would be telling him to grow up rather than making extra time to massage his ego.

What is he like.on his days off (weekends off)?

The key is in your phrase "helps out" at the weekend -- they're his kids too, he's not a neighbour dropping in to give you a hand!

Leave him and the kids to it this weekend, take a day for yourself. He needs to learn to look after them without you around. If you're hovering around being the peacemaker etc. you're just making it worse on yourself as he's learning he doesn't have to pull his weight as you'll do it for him.