To expect people to tidy up?

[waitingimpatiently]

Ok I won't go into great detail as it will out me but...
DH, DD, DS and I went to a friends house, DD made a mess of toys (as did their DD) so I tidied it all up before we left.
They then came to our house, their DD made a mess of our house (as did our DD) but they left without even an offer of help.

AIBU to be cross and expect help tidying? DH said they might have thought my tidying their house was a criticism of their housekeeping. If they did see it like that it certainly wasn't meant to be, my DD had made a mess so I tidied the toys away (it wasn't like I had gone round wiping my fingers in the dust and got the polish out or anything).

I hate people clearing up my house and don't like to clear up other people's. I don't know where things go and it is their manor so not my place. I also like to do all the work when people are at my house so I can relax when I go out.

Would never occur to me to tidy up someone else's house

But then it would never occur to me to expect someone else to tidy mine.

Which puts me firmly on the fence.

Just because you do it OP doesn't mean everyone else does.

I'm a bit of a clean freak and would probably do this but I don't expect anyone else to.

YANBU to tidy up the mess your DC make in someone elses house. But that's your choice.

YABU to expect them to do the same it in your house. That's their choice.

I always offer to help or at least encourage my dc to tidy some toys away as its time for us to go.

Tbh most of the time my friends will say to leave it etc. but I think it's good manners to offer and to show your dc that they should help tidy.

And when we have people round I tidy up after they leave as I prefer to.

But it depends on the person I think.

If there's a toy box there and all the toys are pulled out then all over the floor - then YANBU - anything more YABU.

YANBU.

I always encourage DS to tidy toys/things he's been playing with away. If I don't know where it goes, I just ask or try and put it in a tidy pile at least.

I wouldn't EXPECT people to do it at my house but it would be nice.

There was a toybox in both houses. I didn't perfectly do it, I basically did just throw it all in box.

Ok, I'm ok with BU but what do I do next time? Do I tidy as I would normally or do I not bother so I can save my energy to tidy my own house?!

I much prefer to tidy up when people have gone TBH. I used to offer at other peoples' houses but nobody ever said yes.

It would never occur to me to help tidy someone else's house - how on earth would I know where anything was kept? And I'd never expect anyone to help tidy my house - they'd probably put things in different places and I'd never be able to find them again.

OK with BU? That's no fun. And, on the first page...

I think it's rude to leave chaos in your wake... I'd always say to the children that it's time to tidy up now before we leave. It's not difficult to put kids toys away where they come from and you can always put them back exactly where you like them later on - but it's not great to let kids think they can just make a huge mess then walk away from it. I always say not to worry, I'll do it later as I'm quite anal particular about them being put away properly, but it does the kids no harm to at least put them in the general direction of a toy box/shelves etc.

I always tidy up before I leave other people's houses. My DS is like a hurricane, playing with every toy going! I just put the toys in the closest toy box and encourage him to help. It wouldn't bother me if my friends didn't return the favour though

Sorry MrsTP, this was more of an 'I may have been unreasonable but I'll put it to a vote' rather than a 'Im absolutely convinced I was not being unreasonable and I'll fight anyone who suggests otherwise'.
However, I am willing to feign annoyance at being called unreasonable in order to put a more entertaining spin on the thread

I always ask my DD to help tidy up when we leave somewhere, playgroup, playdate, nursery, whatever. She has to tidy her toys away at home so she needs to show respect for the things she uses elsewhere.

I would tell my children to help tidy away the toys and equally I would expect others to do the same . That's just good manners .

Yanbu. It's good manners. If the kids are v little the parents should make some effort to tidy up or at least offer. I would always take my cup/plate to the kitchen too if I've had a snack there plus the dc stuff.
I had a kid here to play lately that trashed dd1's playroom so much that I made a firm statement that no more toys were available until everything was out away. The mum instructed the child in a half hearted way and they completely ignored her. She v half heartedly dumped some Lego in the box. I was/still am cross. I have taken dd to at at her house before and tidied up.

I am a 'TOHM' too OP - always make an effort to clear away toys my DC have played with when at the homes of other people - at least enough to clear the floor.

I had people here with their DCs (mine at a party with DH) and they left a veritable trail of destruction behind them. My jaw did drop a bit as their DM carefully stepped over the piles of toys on her way out.

I never tidied at other peoples houses, then when they came to mine, they never tidied.

I would have instructed both children to tidy away. And expected (depending on their age) for them to do most of it. If it needed lots of adult help I'd be grateful if the other adult helps, though sometimes this is not helpful as they don't know where things go.

I am rubbish at tidying generally. I make a slightly pathetic attempt to pick toys up when at other people's houses and they normally say 'oh don't worry' - I would never see it as 'expected'! And when people come to my house and tidy up after their kids I try and appreciate it but I do bristle a bit - it does feel like an implicit criticism of my hospitality - but then I was brought up to think that hospitality means that 'guests' should not have to lift a finger - so if they are tidying up, I have failed in my duties as a hostess. Or something.

Clearly one of those minefields of etiquette that we will never all agree on!!

It's just good manners to tidy up after your DC if they've made a mess at someone's else's house. I used to expect people to do the same at mine. Mostly, they did, as did I at theirs. YANBU.