Duplicate present dilemma

[BrookeDavis]

So, MIL sent me a very excited email to say that she'd bought DD a particular present for Christmas.

Only, it's virtually the same thing as DH and I have got her. I checked and we can't return as I am super organised bought it over 30 days ago. Money is tight so I can't really afford to get her anything else instead.

So i replied to MIL saying really sorry but that's what DH and I bought.

She is now not speaking to me.

Was I unreasonable? should I have been more diplomatic? pretended for the rest of her life that this did not happen

background, we have a strained relationship. I'm trying, but I just don't get the politics in their family. So I can't really tell if I Did Something Wrong.

You did nothing wrong. You bought your DD a present. Your MIL is being stupid for for not speaking to you over something so trivial. I am assuming that she has just got hers so she can return it?

I think most grandparents would ask the parents if they were buying something large or there would be a danger that it could be bought twice.
Just good manners really.
get your DH to deal with it!

Could you ask your DH to have a word and explain yours can't be returned, and that you are grateful obviously but could she either exchange for something else or get her money back and buy something different elsewhere, maybe give her ideas as to what.

Yep, sounds fine to me. Your response, I mean. It's nice that she is excited but she really should have checked. In fact, that's what her email was doing, wasn't it? Otherwise the present would have been a surprise, but instead she has checked with you. So you are fine to tell her along the lines of "Thanks, but I've already bought it for her & can't change it".

Hmmmm. I think you could have phrased it differently: 'is it possible for you to take it back? only she's getting the same thing from us!' I think 'Sorry' in this case doesn't sound very sorry.

But I agree that if you want to give your DD a pressie then that's what you're giving. Hers will be second whatever, although you can't make her not give it.

In the future maybe get your DH to do the difficult texts/emails!

Oh good. Thank you.

I shall get DH to deal with it and wait for her to forget she's not talking to me.

You were unreasonable to say that instead of asking your DH to do it. Otherwise of course not.

Why should the OP have waited for her DH to deal with it when the MIL sent the email to the OP.

You did do the right thing and I don't think you should have phrased it differently. I suspect she would have been pissed off anyway.