to want to give up work and be a stay at home mom for a bit

[chiminybangbang]

I went back to work two months ago, when ds2 was nine months old and ds1 was 3.5h. It's a new job, as I was made redundant just as I went off on maternity leave (all above board!) Obviously as it was a new job I had much less room to negotiate, so I've ended up doing five days, although condensed hours. I also have a commute of an hour and a half a day in total. I was looking forward to getting back to work...but have been surprised to find I am hating the grinding drudgery of trying to juggle two children and a virtually full time role. The job is also not what I thought it would be, which isn't helping matters. At the moment, I am feeling that I want to just give it all up and just spend some time at home with the two boys. However, we have finally saved up enough money for a house deposit and I feel like I'm at a bit of a crossroads, where I can just suck it up for a few years and be knackered while they're little, yet give us financial security, or be a SAHM, get a few freelance hours a week and rely on the savings until I go back to work properly. My husband does earn a decent salary, enough to cover the bills, but definitely not enough for lots of extras or for us to get a mortgage in our area. I am also really scared about becoming unemployable in the current market if I take even a year or two out and worried about being dependent on my husband...I could earn pin money, but not enough to support myself should he run off with his secretary (he doesn't have one, but you know what I mean)! I know there is no perfect answer to this, but my husband just keeps saying he's happy if I'm happy and I'm tying myself up in knots about it! Any wisdom/experience/advice would be appreciated - I really am totally undecided at the moment!

I would go for the security of a house and a foot back on the career ladder if it were me.

You are only back two months and it is the depths of winter at the moment, so drudgery is guaranteed no matter what you do.

It's totally up to you, I don't think you will be unemployable if you take a year or two off.

I was made redundant when ds2 was about 14months old. I was then a sahm (looking for work) for ten months. It was nice to have that time at home and the redundancy came at a nice/convenient time for our family.. Since then I have covered 2 maternity leaves and it now looks promising that I will get a full time job, back to a similar payscale as I was on when made redundant. Fingers crossed. So the ten months off hasn't really blown my career, if anything the swapping and changing of jobs has made me a little more adventurous wrt the type of roles I am applying for (more specialised than before).

But the only thing I would say is nothing is easy. BEeing a sahm turns into drudgery just as quickly as working out of home.

SAHM life can become very ground hog dayish, whereas wohm life is very hectic. Nothing is easy!

I always planned to be a SAHM and after 4 1/2yrs and really struggling to get back into a working mentality. It has been very difficult to deal with having no money, no career but I was at bit of a dead end anyway so don't really feel I had the choice. I do want to work at least part time so my plan was to childmind so I can earn bit of a salary and be at home. Ds1 is in school now so I'm making the most of the last few months before my toddler will be at that age.

I'm a big believer in gut instinct - what does yours tell you?

It sounds like the problem is the job, not working per se? i.e. you're working full time plus you have a 1.5 hour commute, plus you don't like the job. If you had a different job, would you be happier?

To point out the obvious - your husband is also responsible for 2 children. Is he doing his share of pick-ups, drop-offs, sick days, planning, or is leaving you to carry the can while he carries on like a man without dependents? Does he really want to find himself his family's sole financial provider? Is he sure that he want find himself made redundant, or get sick, or sacked, or in some other situation that means he needs to cut his hours?

I'm always cautious about women leaving paid employment, based on the experience of my mum's best friend. Old story, we've all heard it a thousands times - she gives up work to look after the kids and his elderly mother, mother dies, he reveals that he's met someone else, divorces her, and she's left unable to find a job and scraping by on a tiny budget. That was pretty much it for her.