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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To suggest this way of splitting our finances?

52 replies

Autumn12 · 22/11/2012 15:18

My DH and I are about to aquire a mortgage and so it's probably high time we got a joint account. At the moment we split bills roughly 50/50. Once we start paying a mortgage our bills are going to increase quite a bit. So I've been wondering how we should split things to make it fair.

DH earns about 1/3rd more than me, so if we continue to split the bills 50/50 it will mean me having hardly any money to myself once everything is paid, while he will have quite a bit.

One suggestion I had thought of would be to pool all of our money into a joint account to pay bills, and then each of us to then transfer out the same amount each month into our own accounts for us to spend on whatever we like. But is this horribly unfair?

On one hand I think it's probably unfair on DH as he earns more than me yet ends up with the same amount of disposable income. On the other hand I think well we are married and money should be joint.

So AIBU to suggest this or not?

OP posts:
ThePlEWhoLovedMe · 22/11/2012 18:23

My parents (who have been married for 45 years) do not have a joint account and neither do I. It IS my money and his money in this house BUT for the moment this works well because we both earn good amounts which are similar. I hate the idea of a joint account ... I want to spent what I want when I want with out worrying/feeling guilty. I know some of you will say that you can do that with a joint account ... but really can you ?? If I want to spend £400 on a handbag then I can... my OH thoughts don't come into it ...and I don't want them too. Jeez my OH came home with a new car ... it is his money and he can do what he likes with it !

I agree with Gravel though ...if money was tight (or if there was a big wage difference) our way just wouldn't work.

ThePlEWhoLovedMe · 22/11/2012 18:24

oppps OP ...your suggestion sounds perfectly fine. YANBU.

Overthehillmum · 22/11/2012 18:32

When i started living with my partner he earned more than me, not a huge amount but i had quite a lot of debt, he was happy to open a joint account and his money became our money, he was happy to do it as we were a couple, paid off for him as i now earn x3 a year more than him and i am more than happy that we share equally.

Unless there is a history of bad money management or gambling then it sounds perfectly fair to me.

Callipygian · 22/11/2012 19:00

We are pretty old school, DH earns around 3 times what i do (before tax) and we have a joint account that all of our money goes into and our bills come out of. We buy things for ourselves from the joint account.

I will generally ring him if i'm going to buy something that is more than £100 (he does the same). He doesnt mind that he earns more than me because he also works much longer hours so doesnt do cooking, cleaning, ironing, Christmas shopping (except for my present) etc.

We started dating when we were young teens and have lived together since we were in uni, so everything is pretty muddled up together, we share computers etc.

Rudolphstolemycarrots · 22/11/2012 19:58

We are a team. We put all the money together and take out about the same. At times I have earned more but at the moment I am a SAHM.

Rudolphstolemycarrots · 22/11/2012 19:59

We have never been flash with money and so trust eachothers spending.

Olympicrock · 22/11/2012 20:03

That's exactly what we do

TheMouseDancing · 22/11/2012 20:05

I'm starting to think I'm getting a raw deal after reading this Hmm

Me and dp have our own accounts that we have our wages paid into, dp earns almost double what I earn. we each then pay the same amount into a joint account each month to cover mortgage, bills etc.

What is left in our own accounts we do with as we like mine gets spent mostly on dd

nocake · 22/11/2012 20:08

We do the same... we each keep £x a month to spend as we wish. The rest goes into a joint account to pay bills and any spare goes into joint savings.

It works well for us but whatever you choose needs to work for both of you. There's no point having a financial setup that one of you resents.

whois · 22/11/2012 20:11

I prefer the 'pay in proportionate amount to that you earn' method rather than the 'take out exactly equal' method but each to their own.

Climbingpenguin · 22/11/2012 20:17

we did pay in proportionate until we got married and then it was 'take out exactly equal'. The past few years has been split between who has been the earner and the SAHP and it's still always been our money to share equally.

ShellyBoobs · 22/11/2012 20:40

cantspel - OP's DH earns 1/3 more but you think he should pay double what OP pays?

Confused
Teabagtights · 22/11/2012 20:44

It's obvious the higher earner pays more towards the household. The lower paid shouldn't have less money left to themselves. If he earns a third more then he pays a third more towards the bills leaving you with both the same spends. I'd never do a joint account but I'd not be happy to pay the same as someone who earned more that be pretty shit.

Mouse dancing you are having the piss ripped out of you.

TheMouseDancing · 22/11/2012 20:54

teabag I think you're right, we've done it this way for 10 years! I honestly thought it was the done thing Confused - things are definitely going to change!

Op, would go with what everyone on this thread has said, pool your finances to pay the bills then split equally why is left.

MissCellania · 22/11/2012 20:58

isn't this something you should talk about before you get married?

whathaveiforgottentoday · 22/11/2012 21:02

We have a joint account and separate accounts. I made a spreadsheet which totals our bills then works out our proportion of joint income and we pay that proportion into our joint account and all the bills come out of that account. The money leftover in our own accounts is our own. DH currently pays slightly more into the joint account, but when we first started I was earning more, so I paid more.
Works well as DH is not good with money and likes spending, so if he wishes to spend the leftover money on something I consider trivial, thats his business. Saves lots of arguments.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 22/11/2012 21:05

That's what I was thinking MissCellania

OP - what about savings, are they joint or individual?

JollyJock · 22/11/2012 21:19

What you want to do is what I would like to do, OP.

What we've actually done is different.

Before this summer:
Each have our own accounts. Our wages go into our own accounts. We each pay a certain amount into a joint account. This was around £650 each. DH paid a little more than me. All our household bills came out of the joint account (mortgage, heating, holidays). Our individual accounts paid for phones, car insurance, loan repayments, contributions to charities etc. Our individual accounts also pay for food shopping and fuel. We also each paid £35 a month into a 'car fund' which was supposedly to eventually buy a new car but actually was used for MOTs.

Now:
We each have our own accounts. Our wages go into our own accounts. We each pay a certain amount into a joint account. This is slightly more for me than for DH and is around £1000 each. The joint account pays for household bills, food shopping and my fuel. Our individual accounts pay for phones, car insurance, loan repayments, contributions to charities etc. DH pays the loan for the new car and his own fuel. I make a £35pm contribution toward the car loan. We have got rid of our 'car fund'.

We have a joint savings account in DH's name and we put windfall money in there. I have my own savings account also but I use it more as a short-term saving pot. E.g. I'll save a little if I have some extra in March then take it out for holiday shopping in June.

I earn £1300 a month after tax and childcare are paid (childcare vouchers pay ALL my childcare) and DH earns £1800 a month after tax.

DH is comfortable paying for most of Christmas and will pay for most of next year's holiday.

ivykaty44 · 22/11/2012 21:21

I often wonder in these threads if jobs in the home are also split 50/50 or if the lower wage earner does a larger proportion of the household chores?

nokidshere · 22/11/2012 21:42

Money is money in our house. Makes no difference who earns what or spends what. Naturally we inform each other if we are going to make an expensive purchase but that's just so we don't both think there is x amount of money left.

We have two joint accounts. One where the bills go from and one whic has disposable income in it.

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/11/2012 21:44

"One suggestion I had thought of would be to pool all of our money into a joint account to pay bills, and then each of us to then transfer out the same amount each month into our own accounts for us to spend on whatever we like."
That is exactly how we do it. Our respective incomes have varied quite a bit over the years, from near-parity to our current positions of DH massively outearning me. Throughout, we have had equal amounts of "pocket-money". We both feel that this is fair.

suburbophobe · 22/11/2012 21:55

Well, I am absolutely for each one having a separate account, and a 50/50 one for bills.

How you work out the logistics is up to you both.

Original poster
Autumn12 · 23/11/2012 00:00

Thanks for all of your replies.

Just to clarify for those who asked
We did discuss finances before we got married and we sorted out an arrangement that worked for us then. Years later our situation is about to change and so we need to rethink things. Currently our bills are quite low so we split them equally. DH has quite a bit more disposable income than me, but the amount I have is a good amount so it hasn't mattered. Plus DH pays for the car related expenses and uses his bonus for our holidays. However, our outgoings are about to more than double that will impact me a lot if we continue to split bills equally.
We have separate savings but that's only so we can both make use of our annual ISA allowance. We are usually saving for something specific like our wedding or a deposit on a house, so it all ends up joint money.

OP posts:
Original poster
Autumn12 · 23/11/2012 00:01

Thanks for all of your replies.

Just to clarify for those who asked
We did discuss finances before we got married and we sorted out an arrangement that worked for us then. Years later our situation is about to change and so we need to rethink things. Currently our bills are quite low so we split them equally. DH has quite a bit more disposable income than me, but the amount I have is a good amount so it hasn't mattered. Plus DH pays for the car related expenses and uses his bonus for our holidays. However, our outgoings are about to more than double that will impact me a lot if we continue to split bills equally.
We have separate savings but that's only so we can both make use of our annual ISA allowance. We are usually saving for something specific like our wedding or a deposit on a house, so it all ends up joint money.

OP posts:
Kafri · 23/11/2012 01:01

DH wage goes into one joint account and covers bills etc

My income goes into another joint account and covers the 3 Fs - food, fuel and fun

It's not his and mine-it's ours. Not for everyone but works for us. :-) x