Ok so a bit of background. DH and I have 3 kids in total ? 2 from previous relationships and 1 joint. Traditionally ( ie the last 10 years) we have alternated Xmas with the kids? other parents so one with all 3 at ours and the next with just us and our DC. We like it like this and have never felt the need to do anything different. We see my family on Boxing Day and DH?s family the day after. This always seems to work well for everyone. We have never been invited to spend Xmas with DH?s family ? his sister usually hosts DH?s parents and her own ILs.
So this year we have our 3 kids and as usual planned Xmas at home with a trip to see my family on BD ( 90 min drive), stay over and then see DH family on 27th ( 40 mins from my family) and then drive home ( 2 hours).
Last night MIL calls out of the blue and asks us over to theirs on Xmas Day but in same breath tells us we can?t actually stay at theirs as DSIL and her family are staying so no room. DH explains that in this case it would mean either:
a) A 4 hour round trip to them and back on Xmas Day with 3 overexcited kids ( 2 of whom are very travel sick) with one of us not being able to have a drink, and then having to do a further 90 mins to see my family on BD ( and thus spending twice as much on petrol); or
b) We stay in the nearest hotel which is 5 miles from them so need to pay for 2/3 hotel rooms and taxis ( or again someone doesn?t drink) which we can?t afford and don?t really fancy.
DH said MIL sounded a bit upset so he left it that he would talk about it with me. I asked why we couldn?t stay at theirs ? I appreciate the guest room is taken but they have 2 sitting rooms and we don?t mind sleeping bags and airbeds ? he just said she hadn?t offered. He put it to her that she wouldn?t want to do 4 hours of driving on Xmas Day ( and not drink) if the situation were reversed and she said they would just book a hotel. Fair enough, there is a very good one a ten minute walk from our house but there is only the two of them and they are quite comfortable financially ( 2-3 hols a year including always a big one to US/Canada/Australia etc in recent years). And besides we have sufficient room for them to stay at ours if that were the case.
I know she wants DH to call back with an answer asap. He?s quite torn because we have never spent Xmas with them and I think he would like to but logistically it?s going to be horrendous.
AIBU to want to just do as we planned? We will still see them just not on Xmas Day.
BTW actually we did invite them to spend Xmas with us about 8 years ago when I was pregnant with DC. DH was working Xmas Day and the older kids were at their other parents so I was going to be alone. I was 6 months pregnant and didn?t want to drive to my parents alone (too far) and at the time my Mum was too ill to travel herself. So we asked DILs as DH would be home around 4pm so we could all be together in the evening. We asked in Sept and they said yes. About 3 weeks before Xmas DH was talking to MIL and she mentioned gong to DSIL?s. DH reminded her she was supposed to be coming to ours. She said she couldn?t remember and that it was too late now as she had already promised DSIL. She refused to change her plans. I spent Xmas alone.