to still wash my 4 year old?

[Flossypotts]

As opposed to washing herself?

She has a bath or shower before bed every night and I still do all the washing. Someone said it's about time she washed herself, especially her "privates". I don't think she'd be capable of washing her vulva etc properly herself yet. AIBU?

My daughter us one and we have always washed her bottom and vulva. I think it's because she's in nappies, I feel she needs cleaning down there. I worry about travelling poo and standing urine. Her urine has always been strong smelling too. As pp said, I would feel u wasn't looking after her properly if I didn't wash her. Perhaps I'm doing the wrong thing?

That should be I would feel I wasn't not u!

Cripes, I never use u instead of you! Blurgh.

I've also always washed my DDs bits because she's still in nappies and i want to make sure no crap hangs around. She's 2 and for some time has enjoyed doing all the washing herself - but I still usually do the main washing operation to make sure she actually gets clean (hands, feet, face, bum and bits). Then she follows up with a second round, in which the hair gets shampooed but not rinsed, and the tummy gets liberally soaped and rinsed several times over. Sometimes I just let her soak but I wouldn't feel properly clean myself with just a soak so I don't let her do that too often.

So, I think YANBU - but now would be a fine time to start gradually getting her to do it under your supervision.

I thought vaginas are self-cleaning?

Bloody hell, its just washing a child. Making sure they're clean 'down there' seriously?? Is no different to washing their armpits.

I wash DS and show him how to do it himself.

Agree with JackThePumpkin
If only that was truehf128219

I thought vaginas are self-cleaning?

like an oven?

But the vagina is the inner surely? That's self cleaning I agree. What I wash is the skin outside; the groin, tops of thighs, tummy, and outer lips. None of that is self cleaning.

Jack- err? Eh? I think I agree...?

I stopped washing them about 2.5 I call out body parts and wash their hair.

No soap or soap free wash should be used to wash her bits. Water should be fine, if you really feel the need to wash her down there use the femine ph balanced wash. I do think she should be washing her own bits tbh OP.

Swish a flannel around their bits to make sure no poo is present, then let them okay with their bath toys.

I've not really felt the need to discuss with my 4yo about inappropriate touching.. he's a wee bit young . He knows he needs to wipe his own bum at school...

Ha.. that should say 'let them play with their bath toys'

Twatting autocorrect.

If you are using a soap free baby wash like Johnsons baby wash, then that is causing the irritation.

Many baby washes are very drying on the skin. The 'no tears' washes have the same ph as the eyes, so that they don't make your eyes sting. The problem is your skin is not the same ph as your eyes, so they dry you skin and can make it sore.

You do not need to wash your dds labia minor/major with anything except water. In fact rubbing/wiping it isn't really necessary either, sitting in a warm bath of just water is actually enough. The use of any soaps/cleansers actually stops the skin doing its work.

Also, do you wash her hair in the bath? The shampoo that then gets into the water can irritate the vulva, this is really common.

If you really want to use somehting, switch to E45 junior bath wash, which goes into the water, but even that can irritate my dd. Best is Oilatums bath wash, but it costs an arm and a leg.

From talking to other mums, I have found that lots of dds get red (mine do) it might be that she isn't drying herself well after doing a wee, and so she has slightly damp wee knickers against her skin. I started pointing this out to dd and telling her it was Ok to get some dry knickers if they got a bit soggy, as damp kicks are not comfy. That did help more than anything.

and my youngest is now 5 and I don't usually wash her, I am getting her to do it herself, as part of her growing up and learning to take care of herself.

That's really interesting about the no tears, steppemum

I don't think YABU op. Well if you are then I am. I still wash dd down there and she's 5. Same with 3 yr old ds.

kitty - I learned it on mn about 10 years ago when my dc1 was a baby who kept getting dry sore patches on his skin. Stopped using it and his skin went all baby soft and lovely

and now he is great hulking 10 year old and I amd Not Allowed To Walk In When He Is In The Shower

my baby all grown up

Oh steppemum! It comes to us all! You poor thing.

I love your name by the way. I see you as a beautiful buxum woman making blini and kielbasa whilst necking vodka on the banks of the Volga.

My oven doesnt self clean?! Self cleaning ovens!

OP my son is nearing 6 and we still give him a hand because he's lazy Its not uncommon for girl and boy genitals to get a bit sore, my sone had balintitis once so we really want to prevent that again. Not that it ocurred through lack oh hygiene. I think its just one of those things.

Steppemum is right, you have be extremely careful what you use on the vulva as it can irritate really easily. The outer lips are just skin, so no problem there, but it's very easy to get detergent on the labia minora where the tissue is more like the inside of your mouth - much more sensitive and prone to irritation. Can you imagine washing your gums with johnson's? It's important the vagina and vulva maintain a certain balance so that it can have the right flora to stay clean - washing too much causes dryness and makes you more prone to yeast infections, bacterial vaginitis etc.

A friend of my mum's was really knowledgeable about this when I was younger and gave me a big lecture on it (I think as she had had a lot of problems herself due to a very scrubby mother) and I've never had any sort of infection or soreness in my vulva/vagina, not even a yeast infection (despite many bouts of antibiotics due to gacky ears) I think because I've always followed her advice and have never used any sort of detergent there. I do notice that I'm often quite dry after a bath, particularly if I use bubble bath so even just soaking in soapy water can be quite harsh.

I had same issue with DD's bits, getting red and sore especially when she didn't have a bath every day, but found just letting the water "do its thing" was not sufficient so I buy the special non soap stuff that I use for my bits, problem solved but I had to wash her until she was about 6 and I could rely on her to do it properly herself

I have a just turned 4 boy and a 2 and quarter girl. At this stage, I wash their hair, and dole out some liquid baby wash for them to do their fronts, arms, pits and front bottoms (by which time the baby wash is all gone), and I do their backs and back bottoms and pits if I get there before they do. I encourage them to do any bits they've missed and I do the little one a little more thoroughly if required. Legs and feet get more of a soaking so don't really need washing, but I do tickle their toes. Faces get done each meal time and toothbrushing time. I then rinse from head downwards, though they sometimes do from shoulders downwards. Occasionally they want to do their hair and I keep a careful eye out for shampoo in their eyes. As they want to do more, I let them, or if they're very tired I do more for them. Essentially it's what all mums do - react to their growing abilities and encouraging development of their skills while taking care of their needs.

Either way, OP, I would say that parents need to make sure their children are clean whether it's washing a four year old or telling a teenager that they need to improve their personal hygiene (if they do). I personally, depending on your 4 year old herself, be encouraging her to make a start on washing herself, but I definitely wouldn't be assuming she could do it all thoroughly for a few years.

kitty - you really made me laugh!!

I am actually English but was living in Kazakhstan when I joined mn, hence the nn. Never thought people would think of me as a Slovak Mama!!!

My just turned 4 yo will attempt to wash herself but it is slap dash so I often wash her properly, she bathes around 4 times per week unless she has gotten particularly grubby at nursery. She has a 'stand up in the bath' wash with warm water and a very mild hypo-aller'whatsit baby wash the evenings she is not bathed.