To send this email to DS's sixth form HoY?

[mumblechum1]

Background; have just been called by said Hoy in DS's presence to complain that he's leaving to attend a tuition appt in the next town, in his free period.

She basically tore a strip off me, she kept going on about the fact that he was driving himself and that they're only allowed to leave the school site for 5th period (ie from 2.30 pm) or for lunch. Fair enough, they need to know where everyone is but I just felt she was being really heavy handed, esp when she then started on about the fact that on Monday, he left at 12.37 to go to Sainsburys to buy some lunch.

So I'm afraid that whilst I was very polite on the phone and didn't say anything rude, I have drafted an email which I'm itching to send.

DS loathes school, and I know why, they are basically treated like 10 year olds (v. high achieving grammar).

So, WIBU to press Send?

"" Dear Mrs xxxx,

Further to our phone conversation of this afternoon, I confirm that xxx has a tuition session in xxxxx at 1pm. He is, of course, driving himself, having passed his test some time ago.

I do understand that the school has its rules and regulations regarding absences, and that of course you need to know when pupils are on site, but (not for the first time), am a bit surprised at the school's rather heavy handed attitude, in calling me in his presence, given that he's an adult, and that sixth formers are no longer in compulsory education.

I know that you don't personally make the rules, but to be honest, xxx works hard in school, never gets into trouble outside of school, doesn't take drugs, drink to excess, get involved in fights, helps people whenever he can, is training to serve his country at the same time as studying, and is generally a very decent and moral young man.

Perhaps he "forgets" to abide by some rules, such as (shock horror! leaving a study period to grab some lunch in town) which do seem to be rather draconian, but I don't think he really deserves to be given so much grief about it.

I don't suppose I will receive a positive response to this email, but feel that it needs to be said.

Kind regards"

Actually, we were allowed offsite in 6th form, as long as we signed the booking out/in sheet on leaving/returning, so the could keep track of us. But that's because they tried to treat us like adults.

I had a free period once a week in the lesson immediately before lunch, and every week I'd sign out and go down to the swimming pool to exercise, returning in time for a quick snack before afternoon lessons. Never had any problem with that.

I think I overreacted a bit, am going through a bit of a tough time at the moment.

sorry to hear that, OP. This is why MN is so brilliant - can give you some perspective sometimes. I work in the sort of school that has those kinds of rules for 6th formers - we have a duty of care and need to know where they are is all. Just remember to always draft an email in Word first, then cut and paste after an hour or so when you've had time to think about, then you don't accidentally send the first version!

I think she get's the point....

They should ignore the rules for him because he's in the army? I hope he doesn't enter the army with his mother's sense of entitlement.

tisnot did you miss the OPs post where she said she thinks she over reacted because she is going through a hard time?

Write instead that DS will be attending the tutorial at X time on x day each week. If tehy have a problem with this, then just remember it will only happen until xx date, when son leave.

Yes agree with everyone else - sorry you are going through a hard time.

I hope you don't get 20 pages of battering. You asked for opinion, got it fairly unanimoulsy and have taken it on board.

Agree with other comments. Write the letter informing the school he will be at a tuition session on what day and which time and leave it there, no need to go into the specifics you have. Maybe say should they have any further questions they should email/telephone you to discuss this. Try to word it positively maybe with something like 'I'm sure you'll be supportive of DSs extra tuition sessions and the positive impact we envisage this to have in his studies'. It makes it harder for them to come back to you with a problem

As a teacher at a secondary school, tbh I'd be suprised by your response as I'd expect the parent to tell the school where the DS would be going on a regular basis via email or letter before the tuition sessions started.

Did you ask or inform?
I tend to inform and haven't got a bad reply yet....

"Dear X

Mumblesprog No 1 has an appointment with his tutor on Monday at 1pm. I'm sorry we couldn't arrange it out of school hours but he isn't in a lesson at the time. He will be back by Y time in order to continue his normal timetable"

Yours

Mumblechum

I think as a 1 off that is fine. However if you want to use his free period on a monday every week then maybe you are pushing school to far.

No idea why you/they have even mentioned how he's getting there?

Because she sounded horrified that he was driving himself, she kept saying, do you realise he's driving himself??

I'll get him to arrange his other tuition periods outside school time, even though on Mondays he only has one lesson. Can't be bothered with the aggravation, I have too much other stuff to cope with atm

In that case, point out the fact that he has a licence so the state sees fit to allow him to drive.

Wow, a head of sixth that is surprised at students driving?? I live near a school with a sixth form, dozens of them drive?!?

A big problem at my DC's school has been sixth years driving off with 5 of their friends squeezed in the car too. Doesn't really explain how shocked she is though.

people have said yabu
have have accepted yabu
job done

I would keep it simple, and say that you've arranged for tuition for your son, and that unfortunately, the only time available was during the school day. That you'd appreciate the school's co-operation in allowing him to leave school between xx and xx. If they have any concerns then they can contact you on phone number/email.

Is there a home/school agreement? Even if there isn't, you presumably knew the rules about being in school during the day when you enroled your son.

Don't antagonise the teachers - you might need them on your side one day.

YABU

Just wrte a note saying you give permission for the tuition. He shouldn't be driving off to sainsbo's really.

At my school you weren't even allowed to drive to and from school!

mumble - Poor you, hope you get things back on an even keel soon.

What subjects is he doing and are they generally pleased with him, is he doing well? Is he in upper sixth? What is he hoping to go and do next?

Sounds ridiculous that they aren't allowed to go offsite at lunch? Weird. Even fifth fomers were allowed offsite at my sons' indy school. And at the comp the sixth formers are allowed offsite at lunchtime, they need to go into town to get sausage rolls innit.

He's doing OK, taking biology, history and politics, he's in yr 13 and hoping to go to Manchester to do politics then Sandhurst (he's a PT squaddie now). His cousin died last month of a brain tumour, they were very close, I have some major health issues at the moment and dh is working 19 hour days and like a bear with a sore head on the rare occasions ds sees him.

He absolutely loathes school and has done for a few years, he just can't wait to leave

Sorry about all those things going on Mumblechum.
I'm not surprised he hates the place. How are they supposed to be equipped to live in the real world if an 18 year old is treated in a way more suited to a 13 year old?
As others have said 6th form colleges are very different. They are treated as adults, a little too much sometimes actually. DSs college has a huge student car park full of battered old corsas .

I loved sixth form, mainly because we didn't have to sneak out to the sweet shop any more! I can clearly remember going into town when we weren't supposed to; going off for picnics with my boyfriend when we weren't supposed to; visiting my friend's nan when we weren't supposed to... and we certainly never, ever signed out. And that was the one of the top grammar schools in the country at the time. The feeling of freedom was wonderful. What a shame that things have changed so much.

I don't think you can call him an adult when his mum is writing the letter.

And he needs to learn to sneak out.