my 28yo dd has been with her bf for 2 and a half years, throughout this whole time he has treated her terribly.my dd has borderline personality disorder and has had a tough few years. I looked after her ds for over a year because of her inability to look after him properly. He has been back home now for over a year as my dd's illness is much improved after a year of dbt. I'm very proud of how hard she has worked to get herself better.
I have never liked her bf, right from the very minute that i met him, i've tried and have been civil too him for the sake of my dd. Some of the things he's done over the years are awful. He has completely ruined her self esteem, when she wears makeup he tells her she looks like a drag queen, her thighs are'nt aesthetically pleasing and a number of other horrible personal things.
He is a weed smoker and occasional dealer, he has no respect for anyone or anything. There have been so many things he's done to upset my dd, at the start of their relationship he had'nt long split with his wife, they have 2 dc's together and he had been visiting and stayed all night, my dd had called him in the middle of the night and his ex wife answered! he denies that anything went on. My dd also caught him texting a female saying that they should get together and that it has been a long time coming, he managed to get round that somehow, my dd believes everything that comes out of his mouth. A few months ago he'd been out and took a girl back to his flat, they were drinking and taking cocaine, the girl stayed there overnight, he says nothing happened.
He ogles every woman that passes him and likes to tell my dd what he'd like to do to them. About a month ago they had a big arguement, his dc's were at my dd's house, my dgs hs behavioural problems and is being assessed at the moment and it looks like he has adhd, anyway my dd heard her bf shouting at her ds and telling him "not to be a tell tale or he would go on the naughty step" she got really angry and told him that his ds was winding her ds up. Her bf then went on to call her ds a cunt to his face, this little boy is 6 yo.
My dd lost her temper and slapped her bf in the face, she's not proud of this at all and has never done anything like that before. All of the kids were veru upset and the bf left with his kids telling my dd that she'd gone too far. He has a habit of twisting everything around so that my ddfeels that its all her fault. She has no self confidence and he has totally destroyed her belief in herself.
Since that day they have been meeting up now and again, they are still having sexual relations, he is very pushy in that area. When they were together he would demand sex from her telling her "there's no point resisting, you know i won't give up" 9 times out of 10 she would give in to his demands even when she was suffering from repeated bouts of cystitis/thrush, he knew full well thats she's been uncomfortable but carried on regardless.
The latest ting has been that since they split he has been keeping her hanging on hoping that they could get back together, anyway last Saturday she was out with her friends when she met up with a mutual friend of them both, he told her that her ex had been sending dirty texts to the mother of his flatmate, he's 32 the woman is late 40's. He does'nt really know her, he told the mutual friend that he was going to f**k this woman! My dd was distraught to hear this and it ended up with her and this friend sleeping together, she was very drunk and immediately felt guilty. She told her ex she did'nt want to see him again and he was all upset and could'nt understand why so she confronted him about the texts, he said it was banter!!! My dd has admitted to sleeping with their mutual friend and he is seemingly totally devastated. I think he just can't stand the thought that he's lost his control over him. He said that he thought they were back together but on the day this happened he told her that they were'nt.
Just to show how evil a man he is, his new flatmate is 17 yo and its his first time away from home. He told the boys mother not to worry as he would look after him, this is the woman he's been texting. The young boy gave my dd's ex his rent money to pay the landlord and he went and spent it! Yeah thats really looking after him. He sells weed for other people then goes and spends the money instead of giving it to the person who gave him it. He tells his kids if they don't give him a cuddle they have to on the naughty spot! there are so many other things, too many to write here. I hate this man for what he has don e to my dd.
I'm worried sick that they are going to get back together, i suffer from mental health issues and was very ill last year, i want to support my dd but i'm worried about my health breaking down, last night i cried for 3 hours and today i'm extremely emotional, its not like me i can usually control my emotions. My 26 yo ds has bpd too and his relationship has ended too and he's taking it very badly. e took an overdose last week. I also have a 21 yo with an alcoholic bf and a 9 yo dd and 5yo ds at home. D
on't know what to do anymore, how can i support them all?
Sorry this is so long had to get it all out.