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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for thinking OH should get up earlier sometimes to get 3 year old ready/taken to nursery

12 replies

FamilarSting · 21/11/2012 11:18

We have an 8 week old baby and a 3.8 year old.

I?m feeding/changing the baby throughout the night so don?t sleep well.
OH sleeps in another room as the new baby disturbed his sleep, also he snores horribly so it works best for all of us. But this means his sleep is not disturbed, he gets to stay up in the evening playing his XBOX, watching TV, whatever, then sleeps through the night, and then gets to sleep in on mornings he?s not working early, and even on his ?early? mornings, we?re usually up before him.

I, on the other hand, go to bed early cos I?m knackered, am up several times in the night, then I have to wake up in the morning when the baby is sleeping, which wakes her up, and struggle to get my 3 year old, the baby and myself dressed, fed, ready and off to nursery.
All while OH sleeps.

In the first couple of weeks of DD2?s life he at least took DD1 to nursery, (it?s a 10 min walk for us, or a 2 minute drive for him) but only twice did he attempt to get her up and ready so that I could stay in bed with the baby.
Now he doesn?t even bother to take her (after I?ve already got up and got her ready, which usually results in the baby waking up).

He works, I don?t. Sometimes he works long hours, I wouldn?t expect him to
do anything on days he?s home really late and wouldn?t have had much sleep himself.
But surely if he can afford to go to bed at 2am (after staying up doing whatever) then it?s not unreasonable to think maybe once or twice per week he could make a sacrifice and go to bed earlier so that he could get LO ready for nursery and then I could get some sleep for once?

Or am I being unreasonable because he works and I don?t and apparently just sit around the house all day doing absolutely nothing.....?!!!

OP posts:
DixieD · 21/11/2012 11:32

Your DH is taking the absoloute fucking piss. He should be getting up early every day to compensate for the fact you are the one getting up at night. You do work, you take care of his two children as well as a lot of other stuff Id imagine.
He doesn't respect what you do, this is obvious. Tell him to start getting his arse out of bed in the morning or start handing the baby over to him during the night to be changed/ soothed. Or dump the baby on him in the morning while you get the toddler ready.

amazingmumof6 · 21/11/2012 11:46

we have 6 kids.
my husband gets up at 7am on a normal day, wakes up 5 boys, makes sure they eat breakfast, gets himself ready, (2.5 year old has a shower with him if needed), he makes 4 packed lunches, tells them to get dressed and makes sure oldest leaves at 7.55 to catch school bus. 8am- ish he goes to work.
I wake up at 6.45-7am and breast feed 7 months old in bed, then get her changed, dressed, get myself ready, get toddler ready, take over at 8am, do the school run and get on...

DH either comes home at 7-8 pm, put kids in bed, eats, then works till past midnight. sometimes he doesn't get home till 11pm.

If toddler wakes up in the night he goes to him, coz I'm on night duty with DD

oh yes and at the weekend he takes them swimming, cooks if needed, helps with whatever including kids' homework.
he has a nap if he wants to at the weekends, I have a nap on Tue or Wed if I can.

I do everything I can, including chauffeuring kids round for extra things like Samba class, piano lessons and 2 footie practice/week, but DD is a velcro baby so I just can't fit everything into the few hours she's asleep and despite working hard DH has to help out!

so tell you

we are both knackered and have a lot to do, but neither of us would let/make the other one struggle coz of being lazy/selfish!

so tell your OH to get a fucking grip and pull his weight, others do! (pardon my French)

OTTMummA · 21/11/2012 11:50

What ^ she said.

TwoJackRussellsandababy · 21/11/2012 11:54

Agree he sounds like he's taking advantage, you need to get him to take his fair share

Fakebook · 21/11/2012 12:28

No he's taking the piss. It will only go on like this for as long as you let it. Stop it now.

OxfordBags · 21/11/2012 12:33

I'm sorry, but you DO work. If he does his normal work then comes home and does jack shit and spends his nights on his leisure activities and enjoying blissfull, uninterrupted sleep, whilst you're a mother 24-7, then YOU're the one working by far the hardest and need support and a break, not Captain PissTake Angry

FamilarSting · 22/11/2012 16:12

Thanks for the replies, it's nice to know I'm not being completely unreasonable for wanting/needing/expecting more help around here.

OP posts:
JamieandtheMagicTorch · 22/11/2012 16:15

Yep, he's taking the piss.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 22/11/2012 16:17

When mine were this age, DH took DS1, on the back of his bike, to playgroup 4x a week.

He also got up in the night (sometimes) to deal with DS2

RosannaBanana · 22/11/2012 16:38

YANBU- ours are similar ages. My DH gets DS dressed every morning, often does breakfast and will take him to nursery when he starts in Jan whenever it's possible.

RosannaBanana · 22/11/2012 16:40

As far as I am concerned, BTW, we both 'work' and when he's home domestic stuff should be divided pretty evenly.

thekidsrule · 22/11/2012 17:07

op yanbu and im a martyr sometimes compared to many about motherhood
Grin
but even i think hes taking the mick

you must be shattered,he sounds very selfish

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