To expect my parents to check with me before buying DS birthday presents?

[Balldroppingjuggler]

My dad bought him a basketball net and ball, which we had already bought him and was standing proud in the lounge when dad and his OH arrived with their unwrapped box. Dad doesn't believe in wrapping things, I get a bottle of perfume every Christmas in a boots carrier bag complete with receipt so he can show me what a bargain he got so I can take it back if I need to.

Mum on the other hand, got him Thomas the tank slippers, which would have been great had they not been a size 6. He is size 8 (ok so big feet for a 2 year old, but still, would have been simple to drop me a text or something).

I'm all for spontaneity but at this rate we will have a whole load of useless shit thoughtful but inappropriate gifts come 25th December...

Don't you think this might have taught them a useful lesson?

Is your DS their first grandchild? I did a pre-emptive strike right at the beginning with both grannies and the Aunts and informed them at least six weeks early what we were getting the ddtwins, they are now all fully trained and ring to consult

Yanbu. I've jus given DD's GPs a list of specific items and then more general stuff to steer them in the right direction and hope they don't waste their money.... They all said they'd prefer my guidance but we'll see what we end up with

Well maybe, if I wasn't just totally too nice and hadn't:

A) said 'great dad, now we can have a court with one at each end'; and
B) squeezed DS's plates of meat into said slippers and exclaimed 'perfect!'

ISK he is their second grandchild, although they weren't up against formidable in-laws with the first (my niece) so I'm guessing the risk of duplication was somewhat lower.

Yabvu be gratefull that your lo has grandparents to bring gifts.

Yanbu.

My parents have to run things by us otherwise we'd just end up with a bunch of stuff that would sit around and not get used. They ask what DCs are into, if they need anything, if they'd like such and such and we yea or nay. Rather that than have them waste their money and us end up with clutter.

So yanbu at all, its important so double gifting doesn't happen AND so, like in your case, the wrong size isn't bought.

BTW my 2.8 yr old takes a size 8 too. Is that big? I thought that was normal

If they got arsey about their duplicated and too-small gifts, then it would not be unreasonable to say to them that they could call ahead to check whether you are getting said item / shoes size.

If they shrugged and weren't bothered, then why should you be? Like you say, your DS will have a whole court to play basketball on, and "could I swap them in the shop for the next size up so he gets more wear out of them?" would have been entirely appropriate.

So, to sum up, YABU.

YABU cos you handled it badly.

What the poster above says.

Yes whois I agree I handled it badly. Honesty is the best policy and all that. And let's face it, when DS is earning millions in the NBA even despite his deformed toes, my folks' actions will look genius.

I think YABU, it's their money and there grandchild. Apart from the slippers being the wrong size the presents sound very age appropriate and thoughtful.

YAB a bit U.

If you don't want duplicates/want the correct sizes next time let your parents know in advance what you are getting your DS, what else he may like and what size clothing/footware he is in.

It depends on whether your well meaning advice is likely to be taken or not. I have a problem with my DPs and DILs wanting ME to have a surprise as to what they have bought my DCs, instead of which I sit in nervous trepidation worrying about what they've wasted their money on this year and whethre there will be yet another duplicate present in the offing. I really don;t care if I have a surprise or not, I just want my DCs to get something they will like. And I know where you are coming from with the tactful responses as well, I'd do the same.

A bit close to home for me.I asked dgs what he wanted from Santa.He said Star Wars lego so I looked at what he had,told my dd I was getting SWL and went shopping.When I got home I rang dd and told her what I had bought cue...silence.
"What exactly have you got?"
told her
"Oh Mum he got that for his birthday,it is in his bedroom!"
went back to shop-they agreed to exchange it
rang dd,"I am in the shop.They have x,y and z in SWL which shall I get?"
"Actually he would like a lego city police helicopter!!!!!"
Got it :)

WEll yes they should check, but just be grateful they can be bothered to actually go out and buy the presents - my dad and ILs expect me to buy the presents and then give me the money! ("because we don't know what children these days like blah blah blah") Fine, I get what the DCs want but it would just be nice not to have to schlep all over the place so that they don't have to bother ....

Yabvu, if they want to they'll ask you. They're giving your child presents...

Set up an amazon wish list for your ds. An item comes off the list when it has been bought. Just make sure you put lots of inexpensive items on or you will look very grabby.

This works brilliantly for my dd as relatives and friends get to choose from a long list and then I don't need to worry about people over spending.

I don't think YABU

What's the point of buying something they already have or don't fit. It's a waste of their money surely.

My inlaws used to buy a lot of duplicate stuff, it was lovely of them to buy presents for the kids, but they'd buy stuff like garden swing sets, when we already had one, winter coats for Christmas and then get upset if the kids already had winter coats (I mean, it's not exactly rocket science to think we may have already bought winter coats come December 25th). They ask what the kids would like now, we give suggestions and they go with something we suggest. Much less angst all round.

We give suggestions to grandparents and aunts and uncles of what children would like, keeping within a reasonable price range. This way the children get things they will enjoy and there are no duplications. My brother and my DH's sister also give us suggestions for our nieces and nephews and we let them know what we will be buying. It works well for us.