yet another Christmas Day family dilemma - sorry

[Justforlaughs]

For the last few years we have had a really good arrangement for Christmas. My ILs arrive for breakfast (yes, breakfast!!) at about 8.30, stay until after lunch and then my family (sometimes just my parents, maybe the odd sibling/ cousin in tow) arrive for late afternoon and stay for a buffet tea/ supper and go home at about 9pm. Suits everyone. This year however, my siblings are all going to be home for Christmas (live around the world) for the first time in quite a few years. I woul dlike to invite them to mine for lunch for various reasons, I can't deny that I would LIKE them to come to mine but my main reason is that my mother is getting older and i think it will be too much for her to host 13 people, and I'd rather she was sitting down and enjoying time with her grandchildren (who she hardly ever sees) than running round after everyone and struggling with cooking Christmas lunch on a small cooker. We could then invite my ILs round for breakfast (stay until 12ish) and see them again on Boxing Day. Do you think I would appear rude if I suggested this to my IL's? (We also see them every Christmas Eve until late, which wouldn't change)

I would ask them personally if its just the two of them.

It sounds to me like you get on really well with the ILs so I'd suggest you talk to them.

Say all your family are coming and ask mil to be your right hand woman so you gey time to catch up with your family or if they'd prefer a quiet lunch you won't be offended.

I would just invite them to stay as normal - 2 more isn't going to make any difference. And if they only live 5 mins up the road from you they might leave after lunch of their own accord if they are feeling overwhelmed or unwelcomed by your family.

Agree - if they are only 5 mins down the road and you already have 20 people, your ILs should def be invited for lunch too and they can leave whenever they decide your family is a nightmare

Puggymum is right, I'd do that. Most people would politely decline anyway.

I would explain that you're inviting all your family over and ask them if they would liike to join you, or if they would prefer a quieter meal on Boxing.Day.

I wouldn't ask them tbh.

They are seeing ils Xmas eve and Xmas morning and boxing day already. The whole Christmas is being monopolised by ils.

Why can't ops family have a few hours with their daughter? She has already said the families don't really mix.

I'm with puggy, too. I would explain the situation about your family being in this country for the first time for years and you're having them round for lunch, say to ILs you are happy for them to come, too, but it's up to them.

I do think that everyone's ILs should make an effort to get on - for the second year running we are going out for afternoon tea on New Year's Day with my DS, DIL, their baby, DIL's parents, my DD, SIL, GS and SIL's parents - we don't see our DC's ILs very often as they don't live close, but it's great to see everybody together once in a while.

Sounds exhausting.

Not just this year, but what you do every year.

Well if you have them all Christmas you can have a peaceful Boxing Day.

Cooking 2 dinners is a lot of hard work!

I didn't get from the op's posts that the IL's are monopolising. It sounds like they all get on well and see each other regularly. I think its a bit harsh to not invite the IL's tbh.

They might not want to be there anyway if the op's family are hard work but surely they will know this already or the op can let them know.

My mil helped me when I had my family round for xmas and when it all went tits up cos they were so late (and half cut as they'd been the pub) the soup had evaporated, DH had to take the dogs out for fear of losing his temper and I was crying over the turkey it was mil who supported me as she was forewarned something would go wrong!