to be so annoyed about comment on babys skin colour

[Lia87]

my baby is still quite jaundice. however an old woman in the doctors earlier found it necessary to say out of the blue "she's mixed race then?", with quite a condesending tone, to which i replied "no" then she felt the need to say "oh. she's got such dark hair as well though, is her dad british?" this was without any prior conversation at all

i just thought that was completely rude and nothing to do with her, for a start, why does it even matter what race she is? and to then question it again after i've said no was rediculous, i didn't bother to explain she's jaundice, as i don't think its got anything to do with her!

am i being unreasonable and over grumpy or am i right in thinking thats not the kind of question you ask people

[seeker]

I do think some people are oversensitive. I also think that anything an older person says to a mumsnetter is bound to be wrong!

I honestly can't see a lot of difference to many of these (not the really rude ones, obviously) to the "oh, look, she's got lovely red hair, just like her mum!" that dd got all the time when she was a baby.

[minouminou]

Ha ha, 5madthings - you should just say: "They're not mine....it's the Hitler Youth reception class and I'm the teaching assistant."

[InNeedOfBrandy]

Ha ha, 5madthings - you should just say: "They're not mine....it's the Hitler Youth reception class and I'm the teaching assistant."

^^ I properly laughed out loud then.

[Pendeen]

Lia87, out of interest do you live in an area where mixed race families are unusual?

Doesn't excuse the old lady's comment but maybe she is unused to seeing 'in the flesh' as it were?

[WhoWhatWhereWhen]

I'm so pleased you didn't introduce the concept that people can be Black and British, she may have died on the spot.

Such a shame these racists don't let us all know by wearing bedsheets and a pointy hat anymore

[Mayanala]

Clearly you have met a random racist!! YANBU!!

Wtaf, are you joking??

DD is mixed race and DS is white, people often bring up DD's colouring, it can sometimes feel a bit intrusive if it's someone I don't know but it's fucking ridiculous to suggest it's racist.

[WhoWhatWhereWhen]

Skin colour or racial features shouldn't be a taboo subject. Being too hushed up about it (in a politically correct way) causes more problems than it solves. We should be able to talk about racial features in the same was we talk about hair colour or eye colour, because that's what racial features are, just superficial physical variation.

I agree, whole heartedly with the above but, the comments from the old lady do seem to bring into question that Black people can't be British

[Mayanala]

Skin colour or racial features shouldn't be a taboo subject. Being too hushed up about it (in a politically correct way) causes more problems than it solves. We should be able to talk about racial features in the same was we talk about hair colour or eye colour, because that's what racial features are, just superficial physical variation

I also agree wholeheartedly with this.

[Wertrude]

cheekybaubles I got that from my DH's family!!! My ds is anglo/asian too but looks white he has my hair colour, eyes and skin tone (all fair). FIL asked DH if he was sure ds was his!! ARGH!!!

Lia87 as you can see from all these replies, you are not alone I think us new mums will have to grow some thick skin and just laugh off people's stupid remarks, even if they are shocking and borderline racist!!

[cheekybaubles]

FIL sounds lovely wertrude

[cheekybaubles]

Or "baby is rocking bit of a fro" mrsdv?

[YoullScreamAboutItOneDay]

FWIW Mrs DeVere - I have been asked twice whether my two have the same father (we are all white). This was simply on the basis that DD1 has brown eyes and DD2 has blue and both times was on the basis that 'but brown is dominant' Obviously nothing like the frequency you have to put up with.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Yanbu - but you can't stop people being tossers rude.

My brother was very jaundiced as a baby. He was also a very smiley baby. One of my mums employees on seeing him said "oh downs babies are always lovely aren't they". Someone else asked if he was adopted.

The most I ever say about people's babies is a variation of cute/sweet/lovely/adorable. Not sure why other people feel compelled to say anything else.

[YoullScreamAboutItOneDay]

You're a genetic impossibility MrsDeVere. You must be a mad scientist

[seeker]

I do find it a little ironic that a thread talking about the outrageousness of day to day racism is happy to be so casually ageist!

[Mandy2003]

ExP is mixed race (AngloIndian/White Caucasian).

When DS developed jaundice ExP's mother told me jaundice was caused by "the English blood fighting with the foreign blood"

WTAF!!!!!

[CrapBag]

I often get people commenting on DD as she is a redhead with very pale skin, but so far so good, they have been positive.

However I am olive skinned with dark hair and eyes, as is DS so I am surprised more hasn't been said about them being so different however they do look alike if you take their colouring away. It seems people aren't too shy on opening their gobs before engaging their brains usually though.

I have had the odd question like "has DD got her colouring from her dad" but this is from people I know.

[CrapBag]

I would say that the lady in the OP does seem to think that a british dad would equal white skin though which I would have found annoying as well. Not the standard what a lovely skin tone/beautiful colour eyes/lovely hair that people might say if they were giving a complement.

[InNeedOfBrandy]

~If the ageism comment was towards me.... It was in my experiences and still is.

[TraineeBabyCatcher]

When ds was born he was jaundice with dark hair (and two very white/pale parents). A lad I know asked my friend if I was sure x was his dad, was I sure who the dad was because he looks like a paki. I was astonished to say the least!

[Softlysoftly]

Inneedof I got the breed thing too for DD1 , it was in a park and from an Asian woman, can't remember exactly but it was something like "she's mixed right? What breed", like she's a fucking labradoodle .

Technically she's Wengladeshi

We are near Bristol perhaps we out to start a club!