AIBU to worry about my 3 year olds weight

[5dcsinneedofacleaner]

I have 5 8 and under. 4 of them are small for their ages but my 3 year old is MUCH bigger she is I would say overweight for what you would expect (she is on the 92nd line in her little red book) and she is a totally different shape to the rest.

Im not saying this as someone who is perfect themselves I was a VERY overweight child (I was 11.5 stone when I started secondary school and it obv went down hill from there until i left home). I managed to reign it in a little when i was at uni and during the pregnancies i did put on weight but not a huge amount. I am still overweight though and struggle to get below size 14 (am currently more like 14-16 which as a short person is too big I know). My mother was very large and died aged 41.

I am concerned for her simply because I had so many problems as a child and I really wish my parents could have seen it WAS an issue and helped me somehow. I actually have a couple of longer term health problems which i do blame on poor diet etc when i was younger.

My 4 other children have the exact same diet as my 3 year old and they do the same amount of excersize in terms of we walk everywhere as we have no car and they play outside together etc but personality wise the 3 year old is out on her own.Much more likely to sit and read rather than be running and jumping over the couch like my older ones.

AIBU to be concerned. I have tried to talk to the doctor about this but all he says is that i am not THAT overweight so he doesnt see the problem and that she is only 3. Other people clearly think IABU to worry about this.

I am trying to lose more weight myself now that im not pregnant but at the same time I dont want to make food/weight a massive thing in my house if you see what i mean. My other girls are really very slim I DONT want them to lose any weight.

What would you do? I know that my own experiences are really affecting how i feel but its hard to separate those feelings off now!

She's only 3 - I wouldn't fret too much just yet. My friend put on five stone when she had her first baby, and her daughter was the fattest baby I've ever seen - she was HUGE. Fast forward eight years and she is the slimmest, prettiest little girl you can imagine. And she eats like a horse as well. I would keep an eye on your daughter's weight, make sure she eats healthily, but don't get obsessed. After all, someone has to be on the 92nd centile and that means she is within the expected range for her age anyway. So relax!

Some children are more prone to weight gain than others.

I would try and cut the empty carbs from all your DCs diet, and limit snacks between meals other than fruit, cut down on processed food, and give your 3 year old slightly smaller servings at meal times. Then she will balance out over the next year or so.

Don't treat your 3 year old differently but give the other children larger portions at meal times. Also try and increase her exercise - at three she could do a gym class, or ballet, also running around park, swimming lessons. Or just jumping around inside or in garden.

speak to a health professional if you are really concerned and be honest about lifestyle and diet.

Is her height in proportion to her weight?

I would start by looking at portion sizes. Perhaps ask your HV for advice?

sirzy - no i dont think her height is in proportion to her weight on the height chart she is on the 50 line. I know that your not supposed to make too much of these charts but if I am brutally honest as much as i think she is gorgeous obviously i do think she does look larger than she should.

I have spoken to the HV who told me to go to the doctor who told me not to worry. Which is why im feeling a bit lost now - I have struggled enough with my own weight (I lost 4.5 stone at uni) and I had thought I was doing great with the other children as they have a nice healthy diet and are not overweight.

Its hard to talk about in real life because people act like im criticising my dd or like i should not even mention it - im not i just want her to be healthy and happy!. If she is fine as she is great, if not id rather face it and do something about it than brush it under the carpet.

I know its hard when you were an overweight kid yourself. I was and worry about DS who is and always has been from the day he was born on the 95th centile for weight.

He is however muscly not fat and I have not had any adverse comment from doctors even when he had his check up in P1. He also loves exercise and is always running around. He does love his carbs and sweet treats though and is quite fussy on main meals so it is a bit of a battle.

I think that provided your doctor is happy with her weight and she isn't going up from where she is in the charts then you just need to try to go with the flow a bit. Also if the others are very slender then she will look bigger in comparison. I like forevers idea about getting her involved in more exercise lessons.

Also try to be a bit kinder to yourself. Size 14-16 is fine and will not be causing you health issues. I know exactly where you are coming from - my mother is a doctor and I can't believe that she didn't do more to try to control my weight, but its such a tricky emotive issue that putting too much emphasis on it can cause even more problems.

Just be careful what you're feeding her - so no empty calories and sensible amounts of food - make sure she's not eating more than the older children. Try to increase her activity levels if you can - dancing/swimming/gymnastics would all be great fun for her too! At 3 she's still a toddler shape, so she may change dramatically over the next couple of years. My pudgy 3 yr old became skinny and long legged once they were about 6-7.

My children were all 50 - 75 on the height charts and 2 - 25 on the weight charts. I didn't take that to mean that they were all underweight and needed feeding up, and you shouldn't take your daughter's figures to mean that she's overweight and needs to go on a diet. She is within the correct weight range for her age, and the doctor has told you not to worry. So don't worry. If she goes over the recommended weight range, fair enough.

bestrookie
how old is your DS?
I only ask because a lot of people kid themselves their DC is muscular when in fact a child cannot be muscular until they have hit puberty.
A ot of the time if the parent is overweight it skews their perception of ehat is normal.
Personally, I'd just stop giving him the sweet treats.

My DS is almost 14months and on the 99.6th centile for weight, 50th for height. The HV is having kittens, and has made me take him to a dietitian. He was 8 weeks prem and because of bf not getting going was 2ozs under his birth weight at 6weeks - had he been full term he would've been on the 99th centile as I had GD. The HV hasn't taken this into account and just sees 'fat baby' and assumes I'm overfeeding him, but the dietitian rightly looked at his history, his growth etc. and thinks the HV is crazy for worrying me! As long as your DC's diet is good, stop worrying! If you're not sure it is, why not ask your HV for a referral to a paediatric dietitian? It can't hurt and may put your mind at ease.

moog - she isnt muscular but she is as i say a different shape to the other (for example her hands are the same size as my 6 year olds) and she has a large head so wears the same size hat as my 6 year old too. I think she is going to be generally bigger but she does need to slow down her weight gain so she catches up a bit with height.
I think I will just really keep an eye on whats she getting in the next few weeks - I know she has the same meals and snacks as the others as they get fed together but is she getting more in between?. If i really cant see a difference then ill think about going back to HV after christmas.

Oh she was 7 pounds 1 born but was born 36 weeks so thats not a bad size for 4 weeks early!, my last child for example was 6 pounds exactly born at 38 weeks

My dd is similar, I try to focus on ensuring she eats a healthy diet and that I don't serve her too big portions.
Fwiw it does sometimes make me sad that some kids get to eat loads of treats and snacks without consequence and she doesn't but this is the best way for her longer term health.

Honestly? I think yabu.

I think ur preoccupied by ur own view of urself. I think u are seeing gremlins in ur daughter where none probably (or only barely exist). To me u sound mildly obsessed with where she is in a chart because she looks a bit different to 2 others. Genes mix up differently. Perhaps she has more of u than the other two but u are in danger of marking her out here. I think she's too young for a diet other than removing extra sweets. Sounds like the diets actually aren't too bad. U are definately projecting ur young life on her from what u say and I think that's a bit ott just yet.

If she's overweight ur family and friends would b echoing ur views, however mildly. U readily acknowledge they are opposite. But now u seem to want a bunch of strangers to agree with you?

Relax. She's young. Ur kids sound healthy and she isn't u.

Some children do put weight on more readily than others. I would look at portion sizes - maybe serve her smaller amounts and only give seconds if she asks?

I think you do get body shapes that are different, and some you do have to be careful they don't get too thin, and others careful they don't get too fat.

Dd1 would be ill if she was as beanpole-like as dd2-who eats like a horse.

If she is 91% for weight and 50% for height there is a difference, and I'd expect the HV to be able to discuss diets. Friends and family often tell you what they think you want to hear (ie that she's not fat).

I was careful with dd1 as she's inherited my IL's "big bones" and was large until she was about school age. I never made a big thing of it, but just made sure snacks were only fruit. She liked to drown her pudding in cream, so I introduced the two tea spoon rule, and refusing seconds of pudding. We started having semi-skinned milk for her (she was very excited about getting a "different colour" milk). I noticed that she tended to eat when bored, and if the food was there she ate it, so if she said she was hungry, I'd first find something fun for her to do. If she came back and said she was still hungry then she could have some fruit. Most of the time she got busy and forgot about eating. I never refused her a special treat, but was careful when home.
She never realised I did that, they were rules we introduced as a "family".

You are definitely not being unreasonable.
You can definitely get this under control now,while she is young. Limit her 'treats', reduce her portion control and increase her opportunities for exercise.
Some people do have to work harder to control their weight, as you are obviously aware, and that doesn't mean that it has to become an 'issue'.
It will pay off for her in the long term.
Good luck with your own weight loss goals.

Anyone would think from reading threads where someone has raised the issue of weight, that that overweight toddlers and pre-schoolers were a rarity and that there's almost always nothing to worry about.

They're not a rarity! So YANBU OP, and well done to you for being vigilant.

I would echo the advice to cut out sweet treats for ALL the children.

please dont be offended by this but is she fat/or just big my little boy is in yr 1 now and one of his classmates who he has known sinc
e nursery is very tall and large but all in proportion i would say he looks more like an 8/9 yr old than a 5/6 but his parents are both tall and big?

moog thanks for your post, DS is 6 so ok maybe too young to be muscly but has our build so broad shouldered. He is sturdy and yes has a propensity to put on weight, but I do monitor it and he loves sports which helps a lot.

My DD1 is built on very different lines to my other 4 DC's but as she has got older (now 13) she has slimmed down. All myother DC's were slight but she was always "on the solid side", it didn't mean that she was eating anything different to the others but she was just built differently. We did things like buy her a trampoline for her birthday, encourage her to do even more exercise and although I'm not sure how much effect our efforts have had and how much is natural maturity, she is now a beautiful, slim 13 year old. I wouldn't be worrying myself into a fret over it but you are right to be aware of it and to try to do as much as possible to counteract it without going ott. As long as her weight stays in the same band on her weight chart the doctor won't worry about it.