In not liking too much television for preschoolers?

[ditziness]

I don't really watch much television myself, the odd box set (currently into dexter and breaking the bad) and things on 4OD or I player if I've time (Fresh Meat at the moment). I'm not against good television and films when you choose to actively sit down and watch them, but I don't like TV culture when it's just on as the background to life and everything gets watched, regardless of what it is and whether it's any good. I also can't stand crap like X-factor etc. I think too much television like that can be detrimental to the imagination.

I've a three year old and a six month old baby. I don't particularly like the three year old watching television, he's never watched that much. Didn't watch any before he was one ish and then after that, only ever the odd episode of "In the night garden" or some DVD or film. The reason for this is 1) research about television not being good for under 3's 2) I can't stand kids TV, drives me up the wall 3) not wanting him to get addicted to it and keep pestering me for it 4) I want to play with him and encourage him to play by himself, rather than hand the responsibility over to the television. 5) A vague uncomfortable feeling that I doing him a diservice The baby I don't particularly want to watch any telly at all.

I'm not unrealistic, I don't want to ban it completely, but I don't like it and I try and limit it. But now I have a new baby he seems to be watching more and more. People just keep constantly telling me to put the telly on for him to give myself a break, and sometimes I do, if I haven't had any sleep, desperately need a shower, need to feed baby, need to do some work. But I limit it. The annoyance comes for me recently is that other people caring for him to give me a break sometimes just default put it on for him. I'll come back from doing something with the baby, catching up on sleep, having a shower to find him sat infront of cbeebies.

Now AIBU to be a bit fed up about this? If I wanted a break, I could just put television on for him myself! But I try really hard (and sometimes admittedly wear myself out) not to.

Can we have a bit of a debate about telly for preschoolers? I know there'll be loads of people come and say, don't be so precious, use television and don't feel guilty. Fair enough, everyone has their own things they compromise on or don't worry about. But is there anyone who also doesn't like telly for preschoolers? Am I alone? any other perspectives?

Only anecdotal I know but the few kids I know that are really mesmerised by it are the ones where it's limited at home.

yeah, maybe that's the case.

But I haven't limited it completely, like I said he's watched probably on average a couple of hours a week since he was a year ish. The cbeebies bedtime hour or charlie and lola on iplayer, or a dvd.

He will stop watching it after a while, if cbeebies is just left on he'll get bored after half an hour or something.

I think you shoudl just enjoy the berak unless you get them every day!

As for the "debate" well, that could go on for ever. I'm pretty sure not all of the kids whose parents banned TV grew up exceptionally more educated or active than me though.

I read those articles you linked to oand its seems hard to extract the impact of TV watchin from other factors which may tend to cluster with TV time. My husband loves TV but eats healthily and runs every day, bet he would mess up the statistics. Part of the way he parents is to watch TV with DS, so although personally I don't want him to have too much TV - and I try and actively watch it with him - I'm not going to interfere unless it gets to a level I am unhappy with. And we're still at the playground in the rain too.......

I wish mine were hypnotised by it. They watch what they fancy and dip in and out of it.

DD will watch Numtums before nursery but on the way we will spot the numbers they have just shown. Cbeebies is pretty wholesome and education if you interact with them and talk about what they are showing.

And, mine were at nursery 4 days a week from a young age so no telly there!

So the consensus is that I'm being unreasonable? why does it feel so wrong to me then I wonder?

I watch TV, DD (3.5) watches it, DH watches it. We also read a lot, listen to music, go out a lot to all sorts of different places, colour, draw, write, do play doh, baking, play on the ipad, general playing etc.
If she asks for TV it'll probably get put on, if she asks for a story I'll read her one etc.
She watches age appropriate TV/films.
All of that said, I personally dislike computer game consoles etc & really wouldn't want her playing on those. No reason for it though!!

It's like everything I supposed too much is bad.

I think it's only a real problem when kids are left with it for hours a day with limited interaction.

I will often sit next to ds and chat when it's on, it's bloody crazy trippy stuff thought isn't it.

I actually enjoy watching baby jake

I can't stand children's tv (or our tv) on all the time and I do get a pang of irritation when DH has responsibility for 1 hour a day and on it goes, like he can't think of anything else. When I stay at DSis BIL has to have it on as background, he will walk into a room turn it on, then walk back out wtf?

Having said that in moderation it's not an issue, DD watches in a morning when she wakes, and a wind down before bed. Some days if she's tired/ill we have a cinema afternoon with a proper film, bed tent on the soda and popcorn.

I did 'use' tv more when DD2 was newborn but at 6 months that now isn't necessary.

I think with a newborn cut yourself some slack, those studies are wildly debatable as to accuracy, they seem to be self reported (and let's face it parents/teachers can fib!), and no adjusents were made for socioeconomic differences and the huge impact that can have on children's educational support/success.

As long as you consciously turn the tv off at an allotted time, do plenty of other activities both structured eg games and crafts and unstructured maybe while you clean, and go out and about a lot then your DCs will be fine.

It's up to you. Yanbu- its just the way you feel. Others feel differently. My DS has tv, but not on all the time. Some days less, some days more. If he watches too much I feel guilty, but I don't think it's a problem in moderation.

Those studies are pretty flawed IIRC.

I don't think there is much right or wrong about it.

But I have an innate sense too much tv is wrong.

Eg today I'm 26 wks pg and ill, ds has chicken pox and can't go out..

I won't feel bad for putting it on

You can't tell the type of tv that is being watched in these studies. American children's tv is wall to wall adverts. CBeebies can be pretty educational.

I think that a lot of studies have been done in the US, where the quality of programming is very poor compared to CBeebies and there are hundreds of adverts.

My two have always watched a fair bit, some days more than others. They never whine and tantrum for the telly though, which I have seen in some children where TV is very limited.
If it is on and they don't want to watch it then they will wander off and do something else.

I don't think YABU for wanting other people to respect your parenting decisions. I'm not going to get into the good/bad TV debate though as it's all down to people's personal preferences in the end.

My son is 4.5 and I've never limited TV. He barely watches it now. The novelty is over.

I wish my DS would watch more tbh. He is 2 and prefers to be outside at all times running about! Would kill to be able to plonk him in front of the TV for a bit so would love to have your problem.

I think YABU to not want other people to entertain your DS with tv though. Be grateful and if you are not, do it yourself.

I restrict how much telly & screen time DC get. Advert-ridden telly annoys me hugely, and some DC are obsessive & would never get off & do anything else without screen-time rules (rules that to be fair, must be made to apply to all).

If you're following Aric Sigman's advice, I presume you're happy to slap your child on occasion, circumcise your boys, eschew daycare for your under 3s. And of course you'll be banning social networking websites for your offspring under 18.

I'm just saying check the background of expert advice you're consulting and use your own common sense about what is a balanced approach.

YANBU but I felt I was'judged' quite severely by friends and family over this.

DH & I have from what you've said the same habits (love Breaking Bad) we use the tv for watching something great normally together a couple of times a week. If I'm by myself I might relax by reading and then catching up on something DH is n't so keen on. TV is not a default option here, we do other stuff.

We took the same attitude to the kids, a little bit, late afternoon, after tidying up, mostly watching together, before sitting down to dinner. Most nights but not everynight.

Other people, including my mother, clearly felt that I was depriving my children of an essential and we picked up a whiff of defensiveness regarding their choices. We often find friends and family 'helping' us out by plonking the DCs in front of the googlebox whilst they got on with other stuff.

Our thoughts are that too often TV is an easy lazy parenting option, it's often a default option because parents have n't thought it through. You solve an 'entertainment' problem in the short term but it does n't necessarily provide an long term development/growth.

Yes it is easier to watch 'I Can Cook' rather then getting the baking things out, it's less messy to watch 'Mr Maker' rather then covering the kitchen floor in paint but I find it so sad when I hear parents say they leave all that stuff to nursery - it really is some of the best parenting bits. It evolves as well, the cooking gets easier, the 'Making stuff' gets more organised, watching another episode of the same programme does n't grow anything.

Super long post, but we did think a lot about it and carried it out.

I like baby Jake too. :)

Have worked all weekend on a huge project, that without exaggeration if i screw up will see me out of a job. have also MNed extensively and blogged

I thank fuck for CBeebies for keeping Baby-Gusto occupied today. Yes I feel guilty, but he also had his current favourite toy of the Argos catalogue. He usually watched tv for about 20 mins before breakfast, and he loves big bang theory. But today, yes, an electonic babysitter is what i needed. Do i feel guilty? Yes.

Yet again though it isn't an either or. DS loves baking, and I loves watching I can cook. The two aren't mutually exclusive.

As for any research on the topic, it would be impossible to ever do anything vaguley accurate as their are so many variables

excuse typos. Have been up since 5 am working on said project and my brain is melting.

Egusta - hope the projects gone well, your brain must be fried.
In an emergency/illness/deadlines all 'normal' routines have to be suspended , don't feel guilty, you do what you have to do.

Thanks Listen my brain is fried. I had a meltdown about an hour ago as it is not going that well. There are 6 of us working on this, and all of our necks are on the line if we do not win this contract!

Oh well. Normal routines definitely suspended! Usually Sunday is family roast lunch and long walk day!

[sorry OP, it is not all about me, really] :)