I know I ABU but I soooo want to stop this child getting this award.....

[amck5700]

Just read in our primary school minutes that a child who bullied my son and encouraged others to do so is probably getting a national award for sport and my blood is boiling.

They are now both in High School but we chose to put my son to a further away school becasue of the way this boy and the others made my son (and other kids in the class too) feel.

I sooooo want to find out who the award is from and tell them what this boy is actually like. I know I can't do it and I know it is unreasonable to want to do it but still.......

Exactly tired - that's why we moved him schools as we felt that his own behaviour by this point was likely to make him a target for other bullies whereas in his new school he has no idea who the people are that he should avoid and can therfore be himself and take people at face value. We may have other issues along the way but all is good so far.

As none of these kids were involved in any of his outside activities, he has been able to maintain that part of his social life and has voluntarily joined a lunchtime club at school - we are working on maybe going to some of the after school sports as he is not completely unsporty, he just couldn't compete in the primary class he had and he also prefers individual sports rather than being obsessed with football/basketball.

amk - my DS has had problems with the other kids in his class because he isn't sporty...it has caused so many problems. Personally, I can't wait for him to go to senior school next year as he will get away from these kids and hopefully get a fresh start. My DS is not a team player either and would be better at a non team sport.

also not a team player! i'm noticing a trend

yes having friends outside of school is a good thing. my ds goes to beavers, hurling, football and karate. there are a few people in each thing that go to school with him but that's because they are held locally. even so he still has other friends so that if school becomes an issue he will still have these friends to look forward to seeing.

Betty, If I could turn back the clock I'd probably have moved him to a different primary years ago but it kept going away.....and then coming back again so it never seemed the right moment to do it. I hope your son enjoys High School when he gets there - I also think it has something to do with their own personality too as to whether it ends up being an issue or not - sometimes I think they just use that as an excuse. My younger son is the same and at the same primary. he on the other hand gets no hassle at all for the not sporty thing. After the bother my eldest had we talked about whether it would have been better just to join in the football at break/lunch. Eldest said that actually he regretted not doing that but that he couldn't suddenly start as he would be rubbish and it would make it worse. Younger son then seriously considered joining in just for the sake of it. In the end he decided not to as he doesn't like it. he is a bit more mouthy than his elder brother though so a couple of remarks back from him seemed to have nipped it in the bud. But if they have a quiet nature you cant force them to be what they aren't.

I hope that my son's experience helps you to have confidence that things can change for your son and that the most important thing at high school is to walk with your head held high, to smile and to own your own space. making friends is the most important task for first yera and that a fresh strat should be just that. No-one knows what kind of person you were at primary so you can be any person you want to be at High school.

Yes tired - it's good to have as many friends as possible in different things. I truly hope your son doesn't have the same experience at school as you did. It's not nice.

also and this may be controversial, but confidence is so important for those that haven't got it. i'm not a confident person by nature (or nurture depending on how you look at it ) but i fake it when i i'm feeling really nervous or self conscious or if it's a new setting. it works. fake it til you make it. some of the most outwardly confident people i know are very nervous/self conscious in reality. but people can't tell unless you know them well enough.

sorry if i'm babbling. i'm still on a bit of a realisation journey and this stuff is all very fresh in my head.

amck - It took me a long time to realise DS was actually being bullied, I used to get snippets here and there but just put it down to kids being kids.

He was having stuff done to him like stuff from his pencil case being chucked in the bin, calling him gay and midget (because he is small). If he did try and join in say playing football someone would stick their foot out and trip him up and one time he got dragged along the field by his shoe!

He is such a lovely kid but he does wear his heart on his sleeve and I can well imagine they are aware they are winding him up.....however, we are slowly getting there and he seems happier this year and slowly finding his place. His self esteem is not very good but we are working on that as I realise confidence is so important.

Tired - hope this thread isnt dredging up awful memories for you.

Not at all tired. i am not that confident either, but I can play the role - never had a job interview where I didn't get the job, but then never gone for an interview unless I've had to!!

Strangely No1 son is more comfortable in his own skin and with who he is despite all the bullying but no2 is a bit louder and brash (still a star in school, just a bit more temperamental) but I would say a bit less confident. With them being so close he has a bit of a chip on his shoulder sometimes about not having exactly the same as his brother has but forgets that he is one birthday and Christmas behind in the present stakes!! We had the opposite issue the other day as eldest has his High school shirts to iron every week and he was moaning as youngest doesn't have them to do yet. As my OH explained, you will both be ironing High school shirts for the same number of years, you just have a head start.

The best thing we can do for them really is for them to know we love them and that we like them as well and that we are proud of what they do - every single day......even when we can sometimes be annoyed with aspects of their behaviour e.g. leaving dirty underwear lying about etc.

Betty we were the same - it wasn't until my younger son came home and told us that they were all throwing sticks at my son after breakfast club that we realised that there was an issue as he had never said.

Youngest was still in the junior playground so wasn't aware of breaktime or lunch issues either. When we first spoke to the school this boy had had to be moved in the classroom several times for being "unkind" to others so they eventually moved him next to his best friend - talk about rewarding misbehaviour!

I hope he manages to come through it - sounds as if he has already started the process - good luck to him. Finding something that he is good at will really help with his self esteem, even if it isn't something that they prize.

I think you sound like a very emotionally wise woman, tired. I always really admire people who can be so thoughtful and analytical about their life experiences.

I like the sound of you and your facebook contactee for the same reason, honeytea. I'm so sorry that you suffered for his distress at school but how amazing and wonderful that you have both grown into such fabulous understanding, emotionally literate adults.

hope the same will happen for your son, op. he sounds like a great kid.

thank you sminko - I agree with all your points :) All power to all our bullied and formerly bullied kids and adults here.

See, i'm not even annoyed anymore!!!

no the memories are there anyway ATM betty (long story) but it helps to be able to pass on a bit of what helps me.

thank you sminko, it's really the very wise MNers that should be thanked, i owe it all to them for helping me get to this point. i really love this place for the support.

glad you are feeling better OP, your dses sound pretty normal wrt the he doesn't have to iron shirts thing

Good tired I am glad that you are able to offer help through your experiences - you have definitely made me think a little different today.

and yes, despite everything, brothers will be brothers!! I actually like hearing him moan and complain now as he never did the whole time he was bullied - he just retreated into himself and wouldn't say boo to a goose. The fact that he will happily give chat back every now and then is a good thing!! he is becoming a normal boy on the edge of teenager-hood.

let the fun times begin!!

LOL! OP, I can just see you in 10 years time storming the podium at the Olympics when he's up there for his gold medal.... 'No, nooo.... you can't give him that! He was a bully at primary school'

Honestly, I do sympathise. both my lads were bullied a little at school. But thankfully nothing serious. It makes you feel so bad

Ormi - how did you guess, I have my outfit picked out already! - with any luck he'll get involved in alcohol and girls at an early age, develop a beer gut and dream about the days when he could have been a success :o

...by that point my son will have won an international prize for architecture, have his own tv show and have a few swimming medals too - my OH reckons he is a late developer......his swimming instructor has just called him fish boy and says he needs to be in a club but at 12 he is a bit old to be starting in that game so isn't quite sure what to do with him now that he has reached the end of the swimming programme.

I like your thinking!

if it's any consolation, i know a boy who has been a bully pretty much all his life but he was fantastic at sport. i mean really talented and a team player so he had loads of friends in all his different clubs. he was very popular and got away with terrible behaviour because of it. he really thought he was untouchable/invincible/whatever. he developed an over inflated ego and decided that he would treat the lovely people of australia to how fantastic he was and he sauntered on over there for a year, realised that he had no club mates or friends and that to fit in he would have to get a job, and socialise like the rest of them which meant ALOT of drinking and no sport. he's now back after his year away and has lost all his fitness, can;t get anywhere near the same level again and isn't even training anymore. plus he is out of school now and hasn't the same mates as he was away for a year while they all went to university so he's stacking in asda. yano, just til he hits it big again

tired :0

That's what I was thinking - this boy has a dream to go to the states and hit the big time :)