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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - In laws and christmas

56 replies

Abbicob · 16/11/2012 08:56

Please can others give me some opinions on this as it may be that I am making too big a deal out of this.

We moved house in June this year and I have always wanted to do a family Chrirtmas at my own house. Never had the room before so we always ended up at the in laws. They are very nice people but have a few strange ideas.

We (husband and I) told them that we would be doing Christmas at our house and they would be very welcome to come. There daughter had a baby in August and so they said they would just have Christmas at there house as normal and hoped we had a nice time.

Great I thought. We arranged to go over on Boxing day instead so they can give DD her presents and see her. DD is nearly 4 and is very excited this year about Christmas

The In laws have now decided to go away on Boxing day for a few days and have asked us to go over on Christmas eve instead. I said fine no problem. They then said they still want to give her her presents and let her open them on Christmas eve because they want to see her opening them.

I can fully appreciate the fact that they want to see her open the presents however for me it is not Christmas and I don't want her to open them on Christmas eve. I want her to have the excitement to the build up and Santa coming that night and leaving a drink and carrots for Rudolf etc...

I think that if she has her presents on Christmas eve she might get confused because Santa is supposed to bring the presents for Christmas day and he does not set off until Christmas eve night. She also get over excited and I might never get her to bed!

I have spoken to the husband and he does not see a problem with it. We have not spoken to the ln laws yet however I am thinking of asking them to pop over Christmas morning instead?

AIBU??

OP posts:

diddl · 16/11/2012 09:25

"still covered in cling film"

LOL

Oh dear-"should have gone to Specsavers"?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 16/11/2012 09:26

You see I think YANBU - I think having loads on presents on Xmas Eve does take the shine off Xmas day itself as it breaks the anticipation. I would compromise and say you don't mind her opening one present from her grandparents but that you want to keep most of them back until the main event.

CatsRule · 16/11/2012 09:26

You have reasonable inlaws...pick your battles! Do you know how rare those are to come by...I'd love to have just that problem with mine!

I can see your point but it's not worth getting upset with. I doubt your dd will stop opening her presents to question it!

Jelly15 · 16/11/2012 09:28

I think your ILs are great many would cause a fuss if you changed their traditions. I think at four your DD will understand that people give each other gifts as well as Santa bringing his.

ImperialStateKnickers · 16/11/2012 09:28

OMG the clingfilm...

SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 16/11/2012 09:31

I was unimpressed glad I hadn't gone completely bonkers and bought the £100 Bronze.

Sokmonsta · 16/11/2012 09:34

I'd let them bring one or two. I'm quite insistent that Father Christmas does not bring all presents for the same reason as many others. The giver should get to see the joy where possible. They can always bring the rest over after Christmas.

In our house stockings get opened first and then a few presents at a time. The children get to play with them as we go because that's what they want to do. It feels 'grabby' to me to open all of them at once and I don't think they are appreciated as much. At least on the day.

After dd1's first Xmas where everyone shoved presents in her 7 month old face and insisted she open/play with them, we've staggered them out over 2-3 days. And one year dd and then ds1 had presents unopened for nearly a week they had so many! The joy/magic lasted a lot longer that year. I can also imagine now we have 4 children, this period will just get longer and longer. Might have to suggest people just get one thing, or wrap them up together, rather than lots of little things.

FrenchJunebug · 16/11/2012 09:35

In most European country xmas eve is the most important day. In France kids open their gift on xmas eve. Tell you DC that she is having a French xmas!

diddl · 16/11/2012 09:36

Was it salvageable Slightly?

(I put the oven on the other day forgetting that there was some mince in there in a freezer bag)

SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 16/11/2012 09:38

Thankfully yes but I don't think my heart will ever recover.

thegreylady · 16/11/2012 09:40

I am only seeing my dgs on Christmas Eve this year so I will do some little pressies here for them. They will be the first opened so will be special and won't interfere with Santa :-)

maddening · 16/11/2012 10:10

My dad's family are eastern European and we always opened presents on Christmas eve - fc would come and give us a present and a naughty child was smacked on the bottom with birch twigs - so usually someone old like gf would be told off for being naughty and tapped with birch twigs (it was never a child) by father Christmas. All the children got a bag of strange traditional biscuits and sweets as well as a present.

So we did Xmas eve as per dad's family even when we stayed home for Christmas and then we had Christmas day.

fluffyraggies · 16/11/2012 10:31

Another one here with 'Santa's presents' being a totally separate set of prezzies from all the real people's ones.

Right down to the different wrapping paper on Santa's. (DDs would have spotted something sus. otherwise, even when tiny, bless them! ) and lack of gift tags as i don't want to start faking santa's handwriting for the same reason

I think spreading the present opening over 2 or even 3 days is a good idea. 'Specially when the kids are very young. They tend to get 'present overload' and a bit jaded if it's all on one day, i used to find. Too much in one go to be appreciative of it all.

lakeofshiningwaters · 16/11/2012 10:41

FWIW I think I would have been exactly the same as you ie. got a bit 'humph, that's not how I planned it' about the idea, then after a bit of perspective realised that I was being a bit OTT about it all.

I think you and your in-laws sound lovely and sensible too - hope you all have a great Christmas!

WhenShallWeThreeKingsMeetAgain · 16/11/2012 10:52

Santa DOESN'T bring all the presents! He brings the Christmas Stockings only. Other people buy the presents.

Sokmonsta · 16/11/2012 10:56

Lol fluffyraggies. You reminded me that last year, our neighbours brought round their 'Santa' paper so their children didn't find it and rumble them after one of their classmates did exactly that. Think that child's parents ended up telling them Father Christmas must have bought it from the same shop. But it was close call. We don't wrap stocking presents. I'm too lazy/too much mess in the bedroom when all they want to do is explore their stockings.

FTRsMammy · 16/11/2012 11:34

Just tell dd that granny and grandad wrote to Santa to say they would be away over Christmas so could he arrange for Rudolph to drop off her presents for their house early so they could still celebrate Christmas together

blackeyedsusan · 16/11/2012 13:25

surely santa does not bring all the presents. the ones from relatives come from relatives.

exoticfruits · 16/11/2012 13:26

Why has Santa got her presents anyway?
If I get to be a grandmother my presents are from me, delivered by me and Santa can do his own!

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 16/11/2012 13:29

YABU.

hhhhhhh · 16/11/2012 13:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2rebecca · 16/11/2012 13:39

In our family father Christmas/ santa has always delivered all presents (which aren't actually from him just delivered by him although my ex had a presents from parents as being from santa tradition so I went with this although the kids then reached an age when they wondered why everyone but their parents got them presents) and part of the magic of Christmas is coming down on xmas morning and seeing if father christmas has been and delivered presents.
Other families do it differently but I wouldn't have been happy if inlaws suggested this as it would just be them giving a present and not about the child getting a proper Christmas present. Giving a present shouldn't be about making the giver feel good.

tilder · 16/11/2012 13:46

We tend to have two Christmas days, if that doesn't sound weird. One with my family and one with dh family. We alternate who we spend the actual day with. My mum does the full on turkey when we are all together, regardless of date, mil does it for the day itself or nice food if we meet up before or after the big day. Father Christmas only visits on Christmas day.

Means everyone gets a turn, tho my gran always got confused.

Fluffy1234 · 16/11/2012 14:33

You are being very unreasonable and your daughter is very lucky to have generous grandparents.
Perhaps ask them to come over in the afternoon rather than tea time or the evening so your daughter gets a good few hours to play with her new toys.

Floggingmolly · 16/11/2012 14:36

I can't understand those who insist all presents, whether from friends, Granny, or Auntie Mabel actually come from Santa.
I don't know anyone in rl that does this, but if I did I would refuse on principle to buy their children a present.
Fund your own flaming Santa presents!

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