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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

older cousins and christmas

27 replies

tilder · 15/11/2012 19:14

Am being careful with my words.

This is more a would ibu than aibu as I haven't done anything. Yet.

My dc are 6, 4 and 1. Their cousins are 8 and 5 and have been rather vocal lately regarding their recently acquired understanding about fc (am I being unnecessarily coy?). I really want the magic to last a few more years yet. Tbo if it were one of my children I would have a word with them. Would I be unreasonable to talk to my sil about this?

I have been told by mil in no uncertain terms that this has to happen at some point and I just have to suck it up.

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 15/11/2012 19:16

You do have to suck it up - you can't control what other children say.

The magic doesn't stop just because they figure out FC isn't real it's bizarre to pretend he is anyway

MuddlingMackem · 15/11/2012 19:21

Well, I disagree. I think that YANBU.

They've had their fun with the magic, it's really mean to spoil it for your kids. Yes, have a word with your SIL.

DS is nearly 9 and we're wondering when he's going to be 'put straight' by friends at school.

dreamingofsun · 15/11/2012 19:23

have a word with SIL, but they will probably hear at school anyway. my middle son told his class - i had all their mothers complaining to me - despite the fact that he didn't tell his younger brother for a while.

pecans · 15/11/2012 19:23

I would say to your dc 'gosh, I hope FC doesn't hear what they are saying - he might not bring them any presents.'

tiredteddy · 15/11/2012 19:23

I think as yours are still young, in particular the 4 and 1 year old, their cousins could be asked not to spoil it for them. 8&5 is old enough to understand that. I would have a chat with sil and ask nicely that they keep the story alive for their younger cousins. Yanbu.

lollilou · 15/11/2012 19:26

I would definately talk to your sil about it. I think it's lovely to want the magic of FC for your kids to last as long as possible.

redexpat · 15/11/2012 19:26

Could you ask the older cousins directly to keep it a secret from their younger cousins? Phrase it along the lines of you are both so grown up that you can be trusted to keep a secret.

Original poster

tilder · 15/11/2012 19:27

I can fully appreciate I can't do anything about it at school, that will just happen at some point. This is the children they will opening stockings with on Christmas day.

Thanks muddling. I thought it was a bit mean too - not their cousins but (this isn't supposed to be an anti mil thread!) Mil saying its tough and I have to let it happen. Makes me want to stay at home which would be mean too.

OP posts:

SarkyWench · 15/11/2012 19:28

Yanbu
Ds1 figured this out age 5 but is under firm instructions to let ds2 figure it out for himself.

Cortana · 15/11/2012 19:28

YANBU.

Your DC should be able to enjoy the magic, especially the younger ones, just because they're related to someone older doesn't mean they don't get too.

MIL and SIL should "suck it up" and say "It's fine that you know about FC but some children don't so shhhh!." DS often visits DP at work. DP mentions FC to the children he works with, DS doesn't go running in correcting them. He's 8 and understand why he shouldn't say anything.

Do you think SIL's DC(8) ruined in for her DC(5) and it's all a bit PA? If all else fails why not "Santa Claus only visits those who believe!"

Pandemoniaa · 15/11/2012 19:31

Its unreasonable to be completely insensitive about the existence of Father Christmas to younger children but equally, they do have to know sometime and their means of getting this knowledge is almost certainly not something you can control.

However, don't underestimate the determination of younger children to believe in Father Christmas - regardless of what anyone else tells them.

Original poster

tilder · 15/11/2012 20:11

Thanks guys. Will have a quiet word with sil and go with the 'only those who believe' line. Fingers crossed!

OP posts:

Alisvolatpropiis · 15/11/2012 20:18

I don't think you're being unreasonable. It happened when I was about the same age as the cousins for the exact same reasons. I,and my same age cousin,had had our fun but the little ones hadn't yet.

OpheliaPayneAgain · 15/11/2012 20:19

What would do about other children at school who don't do the whole FC thing?

FryOneFatManic · 15/11/2012 20:24

DD was about 9 when she found out but she understood not to tell her our then 5 yr old DS. DS worked it out for himself when about 6, he's obsessed with science stuff and similar things like Mythbusters, and eventually asked me outright if FC was real because "there's no way he could be fast enough to see all the children in one night".

So I asked him what if FC wasn't real and he answered that he was sure it was DP and I who bought the presents and he could tell us directly what he wanted... He was happy enough about that and promised not to tell his friends and let them work it out for themselves

DialsMavis · 15/11/2012 20:33

Even my soon to be 10 year old won't officially stop believing because of "he only visits those who believe"! He can't see how he can be real, but if he decides he isn't.... Then what if he doesn't come?!

coldcupoftea · 15/11/2012 20:41

YANBU- we are spending christmas woth SIL and her kids aged 12 and 9. I would be livid if they decided to 'break the news' to our DC, aged 4 and 2.

DeWe · 15/11/2012 20:43

I think it is perfectly reasonable to ask and expect her to tell them. However if it slips out-children can be terribly excited about the revelation, don't be angry.

I'd be cross with mil too, it's not an unreasonable ask.
My mil did a "don't be so ridiculous line" but went with it (with a little humph) but I was more concerned that bil would say something because he thought he was being funny. (he didn't, but threatened more than once)

apostropheuse · 15/11/2012 20:49

YANBU
Your children are only little. They've got plenty of time before they need to know. If the cousins are old enough to know then they're old enough to keep their mouth shut about it.

Speak to your SIL and ask her to speak to them.

To be honest I'm surprised the five year old knows. It makes me wonder if his older sibling told him and that's why the SIL doesn't care about yours knowing.

Original poster

tilder · 15/11/2012 20:51

Ophelia I think school is different. Nothing I can or would do there. Will I be happy when they find out? No, but everyone does at some point and I guess it is generally happens at school.

I do think it different though when its their cousins and they are spending Christmas morning together.

Coldcupoftea was interested to see that you would be livid. That's the word I used to dh and he said I was being unreasonable. Maybe I am but I would be livid. I think they are old enough to play along with it to let the younger children enjoy it. I like the idea of telling them they are grownup to be in on the secret.

OP posts:

susiey · 15/11/2012 21:12

Yanbu - we don't do father Christmas here but our children are under strict instruction to not tell any other child because it would ruin the surprise for them.
This is kind of in preparation for their cousins and the like in future years!

Annunziata · 15/11/2012 21:18

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

applefalls · 15/11/2012 21:23

No, YANBU, your MIL is. It's magic and it goes so fast, they should believe as long as they can, I think. Good for you.

squoosh · 15/11/2012 21:26

Tell the older cousins to button it or else.

Roseformeplease · 15/11/2012 21:29

My daughter is 10 and still believes. I would love her to have this one, last, Christmas. I would ask them nicely to help keep a secret. Children love a secret.

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