To think people are just plain INSANIO about Christmas?

[HullyEastergully]

In many different ways.

So much upset and pain and worry and strategising.

It's not good.

Yes, few of our traditions cost money.

Christmas tree goes up on the last Sunday before Christmas. Everyone shoves decorations wherever they like, none of this matchy-matchy colour-coordinated crap.

The kids' favourite present is still the stocking (or old rugby sock) with the mandarin orange in the toe, the tube of jelly tots and the toothbrush.

They still (even ds1) open their stockings together on our bed. Last year ds1 then went back to bed to sleep off the hangover.

Proper presents don't get opened until after breakfast.

Hateful sticky tape clumps with hairs on are a thing of the past in this house thanks to Lakeland. I can now get as scuttered as I want to on Christmas Eve.

Meat on a sled, indeed. I just totted it up in my head, and it is about 50lbs of meat. That does include a turkey for my DMum.

I reckon it's the cocktail sausages weighing me down, but what's a party without a sausage on a stick?

DD's birthday is 14th December, so I have normally had a strict line between birthday celebrations and when christmas starts, so usually the tree goes up the last weekend before Christmas, but in recent years dd wants the tree up for her birthday. Which means (with 4 cats) the poor sad tree is a ramshackle bald mess by Christmas day.

This year will be strange as we are flyging abroad for a week on the 14th so will have to get a tree very last minute. And how the fuck do you get a great big tree in a polo?

Stockings on our bed in the morning. Tick.

Presents AFTER LUNCH (about midnight) distributed by Father Christmas (whoever is sober enough to wear the outfit and fool the kids).

OO where you going Morris?

What about getting it delivered Motherfuking?

I use this place

You can choose a delivery date to suit you.

Egypt. Just me and dd. We are going snorkelling and then flying to Cairo for a few days. I can't WAIT.

Do wear large sacks from top to toe tho or you will be BESEIGED

Bloody hell I had no idea that you could order trees online and have them delivered. What a cracking idea - thank you/

Ooo, tree question. Which is the best, I like a smelly one (tree that is)

Balance it on the roof.

Get two children to stand on the back seats with their head and arms out the window holding it on.

Drive very slowly.

This was out childhood method. I suspect the police might take a dim view these days .

Egypt [sigh]

Yes, we are taking very sensible slacks and covering tops and aim to look like Carrie from Homeland . DD is very blonde and beautiful and bloody 17 so I will be holding her hand (can you imagine the howls of outrage).

Snot a proper tree if you haven't chosen it by smell and ripped your hands up getting it home.

Also I suspect ordering online from a picture would totally sever my parents' already tenuous grip on the realities of ceiling height.

I have spent years carefully booting all my extended family out of my xmas so that I can enjoy it with my own DP and DC - sometimes a friend or two but no family stress and nonsense. It's great. It is so stupid the way people get in a total tizzy and have to drive hundreds of miles to and fro at the worst time of year on the roads, just because rellies expect them to. I can just about understand it if you want a big family christmas and enjoy it, but it's miserable that so many people do it under duress.

Present list is also minimal - our parents and (some of) our siblings, each other and the DC.

I love the food - the cheese, the chocolate, the sherry and ginger wine and the stollen. I also like the sparkliness, lights, xmas music and xmas markets but I do not like the forced socialising element.

I have got that mental image of the tree tranposrtation in my head maryz - very funny.

Can you imagine attempting that now.

Wear wedding rings and cover dd's head. Forget rights and wrongs, it will just save a lot of ag...

I should get me some of those wrap fixer things.

What tends to happen now is that I basically cover the periphery of the room with little rectangles of Sellotape to assist with wrapping. And even if I've seemingly covered the entire periphery, I still only have enough to do two and half gifts, before I have to re-do the whole process.

I frequently find little bits of tape stuck to the underside of the coffee table, mantelpiece etc

Bloody hell wedding rings, I didn't think of that. Good idea. Thank you.

Oh, and surely if they deliver you get the bald one with the wonky top? I hate wonky-topped trees. It offends my control-freaky love of symmetry.

I do that greeny! Spend ten minutes covering the sides of the coffee table, rocking chair, shelf with bits of sellotape and discover some remnants weeks later.

"The tree's too big, Pam!"

Every bloody year. Maybe in their heads they live in a castle. Wish they'd invite us there in that case.

I wasn't sure about it at first but as I don't drive I was left with no other option..read, getting a fake tree WASN'T an option and never will be.

The tree that I got from them was stunning. Better than ANY tree we ever had as a child. I hope they are as good this year.

Yy sad little pieces of unloved and un-needed Sellotape

Very jealous Motherfucking.
Me and Hulls could come too. We could be like diversion devices. Or wiry bouncers.