Pregnant friend smoking weed.

[firefliesinjune]

I really dont know what to do about this. Its about my friend - well we aren't really close - we are neighbours who get along ok, our oldest DS go to school together.

She is nearly half way through her pregnancy but she is still smoking weed and quite a lot. She isn't "stoned" all day long she actually works most days but mostly in the evening she is smoking a lot of weed. I know this to be true as we have talked about it. She says she is too stressed to stop. Her husband smokes too.

Just recently she had very bad stomach pains and she has told me that this pregnancy is more painful than her last. I worry about the effects on her baby.

She knows I dont really approve but she isn't really the sort to care. I dont know whether I should maybe mention my concerns to the family mentor at the school who knows us both and is a really nice lady? I just feel so awful knowing she may be damaging her baby and I am not doing anything about it.

Should I be minding my own business?! If its none of my business then tell me and I will accept that and try not to get involved. I am not a busy body or gossip but this has been playing on my mind.

I dont have anything against cannabis to be honest, as long as you aren't harming anyone you can do as you like I dont care but she is harming her baby isn't she?

Any advice gratefully accepted!

[ImagineJL]

I would tell her midwife, and ask her not to let on how she knew.

[LapsedPacifist]

If all my mates who had smoked cannabis when they were pregnant in the 70s and 80's had been locked up, then that would include lawyers, doctors, teachers, civil servants, IT consultants, ......

Some of them are grandparents now and most are very senior in their professions. None of them have mental health problems or ever came to the attention of SS or child protection services. There was no need. They weren't addicted, none ever had to go into rehab, none of them could remotely be described as "dysfunctional families". They don't smoke anything nowadays. Their kids have all gone to university or are holding down good jobs and are in stable relationships.

Of COURSE in an ideal world you shouldn't take drink alcohol or drugs or eat certain foods or get stressed or indulge in ANY risk taking behaviour when you are pregnant. But the sort of misinformation being promulgated here is completely unhelpful.

There is No evidence that the widespread use of cannabis 30-40 odd years ago contributed to an epidemic of birth defects or problems in later life. There is plenty of evidence that other co-morbid factors such as , alcoholism, tobacco use, neglect etc will have negative effects on children.

[gimmecakeandcandy]

Oh get off your high horse jothehot I have more experience and knowledge of cannabis than you'll ever know or have. Yes, she is an irresponsible twat and I am not going to be a bleeding liberal and say we should 'understand' her or pat her hand. It is wrong on so many levels what she is doing.

[JoTheHot]

Perhaps you could help me down from my high horse by sharing the science showing marijuana itself is harmful to an unborn.

[PearlyWhites]

No yanbu she is very selfish but I wouldn't report her it would only cause her and ultimately her unborn baby and other child more stress.
I am shocked and saddened at the number of posters who think that an adult women's rights/ needs are more important than a baby just because is yet to take a breath.

[valiumredhead]

ncpic.org.au/ncpic/publications/factsheets/article/cannabis-use-and-reproduction

I have been goggling and haven't found anything yet that says it doesn't harm the baby.

[Mylittlepuds]

Ok so this is clearly, clearly not ideal.

However she says she is stressed - too stressed to stop. So stressed she is prepared to take risks with her baby.

A lot of people think of stress as normal stress that everyone suffers time to time. However real stress is absolutely debilitating. She may suffer real mental health problems such as anxiety disorder like GAD, where it's hard to actually function. You couldn't possibly understand unless you have it.

If this is the case (I may be barking up the wrong tree here) but doctors wouldn't hesitate to prescribe ADs - the effects of which on an unborn baby aren't really known. There is certainly a lot of anecdotal evidence with women saying 'my baby was fine' but risks include the baby withdrawing after birth and getting 'jitters' for days after birth.

Despite this ADs would be prescribed as this kind of unrelenting stress can be even more damaging to the unborn baby - miscarriage is a possible association (although not catergorically proven) and low birth rate.

Perhaps she has offset the risks of cannabis and is self
medicating? Pregnancy can greatly exasperate an anxiety disorder.

Just a thought.

[Mylittlepuds]

• low birth weight

[valiumredhead]

Some AD's are ok in pregnancy iirc.

The low birth weight for users would surely be linked to the smoking element no?

[Mylittlepuds]

'some ADs are okay in pregnancy'. Um where is the evidence for this? That no risk at all is posed?

[LoopsInHoops]

My my, what a lot of pearl clutching on this thread!

1. It is her body, her baby, her lungs
   
2. Social services would not care, not should they unless there is any indication that she is actually parenting badly
   
3. From experience (my mother was an alcoholic and smoked weed when pregnant/when we were little), the people you should be getting all het up about are the drinkers. Do you call social services of the midwife for them?

[goralka]

no loops 'wine o'clock' is just amusing mum stuff.....

[valiumredhead]

Not that no risk at all but better on balance for the mother to continue to take them. Some are better than others. Sorry, didn't phrase that well.

Loops I agree, it's ultimately her choice.

[hellsbells76]

Foetuses don't get addicted to nicotine FFS, it's not heroin. Look, it's not ideal but it's also not any of your business. Fortunately we're not in the US and women can do what the hell they like with their bodies, pregnant or not. While some may make daft choices, I'd rather that than anyone having the authority to police what they do on the grounds that they're nothing but a walking womb and lost all their autonomy the minute the sperm met the egg.

[valiumredhead]

No they don't hells - but smoking does cause low birth weight.

[hellsbells76]

I'm aware of that, and presumably so is she. It's still her body so her choice.

[valiumredhead]

I agree 100%.

[bellabreeze]

Yabu, if you researched this or knew how it worked you'd see it isn't dangerous for the baby

[LoopsInHoops]

And would you think of phoning SS if you knew she smoked cigarettes?

[bellabreeze]

In fact smoking it isn't illegal but possesion and selling are

[bellabreeze]

The low birth weight is because of TOBACCO not cannabis!

[valiumredhead]

Yes bella that is what I said

[EmmelineGoulden]

If you concern is about harm to the foetus (rather than concern that someone who's stoned every night isn't being an adequate parent to her current child) and you don't think she will stop taking canabis, then see if you can persuade her to change to eating it. The known bad effects of canabis when pregnant are due to smoking, especially when mixed with tobacco.

[bellabreeze]

the stress of stopping smoking tobacco wouldn't be worth it
And ok valium x-post

[firefliesinjune]

Thanks for all the replies.

As I said before I have nothing against smoking. I just worry for the baby. Its her personal choice to smoke - I get that. As bad as I may find it.

I know she has been on ADs before and she finds the weed is the only thing that "helps" her.

I dont think I will report her to anyone I dont want to make life hell for them and I suspect it may make life very difficult if I do tell someone.

I will however try and get her out of the house a bit and see if I can offer her the extra support she needs.