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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that this woman was a cow

69 replies

PrettyHairClips · 13/11/2012 18:12

I was sitting in the Morrisons cafe today with my two toddlers (living the high-life over a kids fish fingers and mash). A few tables away there was a screaming preschooler in the full throws of a tantrum and her very worn-out, bewildered looking mother. This poor mum tried every trick in the book to get her child to calm down: distraction, ignoring, firmly telling off.

This went on for 10 minutes or so.

Then a woman at a nearby table, got up, put her coat on, then said loudly to me as she walked out, "I can't take any more of this screaming" (she was beaming a smug smirk as she said it, then rolled here eyes and walked off).

wtf is up with people?

OP posts:
puds11 · 13/11/2012 18:27

I would have left if that was my DD. I don't enjoy screaming children i dont enjoy screaming anything but as jamie said, its easier to ignore when its not your own.

Arcadia · 13/11/2012 18:28

poor woman (the mum, I mean) my DD kicked off on the bus the other evening, she was overtired and it was literally only a few minutes, but I got such horrible looks from one man (literally staring psychotically at me) that I got off early and walked the rest of the way, with screaming and writhing child in buggy. so I sympathise.

Original poster
PrettyHairClips · 13/11/2012 18:29

mrskeithrichards - nah it's £3.50 or something like that.

OP posts:
Arcadia · 13/11/2012 18:29

So no, YANBU

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 13/11/2012 18:30

Back to the OP , yes, I do think making loud passive aggressive comments points to her being a cow. If she had something to say to the mum she should say it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/11/2012 18:31

I don't know what you do for the best, though. So, you want to teach your child to sit and eat nicely because if French and Italian children can, mine can. You can't do that if they never practice. You can't always leave. You can't use electronics or they will be the rude child who is glued to an iPod at 14. You can't let them scream. What do people with crazy, busy children like my DD do?

EuroShagmore · 13/11/2012 18:35

I would have moved too (and have moved train carriages to get away from screaming - an over-tired toddler testing their lungs is not what you need on the way home after 10 hrs in the office). I would have skipped the comment though.

TheMonster · 13/11/2012 18:41

Yanbu. I would have said something too.

TheMonster · 13/11/2012 18:42

I mean yabu!

scottishmummy · 13/11/2012 18:53

sympathies to all,bawling wean no fun whether you mum or shopper
but the snippy comment was called for
if I were alone id move and in under 10 min too

Havingkitties · 13/11/2012 18:56

This was morrisons cafe, hardly the Ritz. Supermarket cafes are normally full of old people and families with young children. Surely it's expected to be noisy in there? And toddlers do scream and carry on when you least want them to, they don't need some judgey pants its all the parents fault person making comments about it. If you want a quiet cup of coffee go somewhere quiet, like your own home.

I say this as the proud owner of a 3 month old who can rival any toddlers screams. He can go from 0-100 in the screamometer the moment I get my food in a cafe. Some of us just have screamers and we also need to leave the house. Obviously the ones of you who think she should of left immediately all have perfect babies and are perfect model parents. Lucky you.

Last week we were in costa, husband queueing for drinks and baby with me sat down, having a good overtired cry (the baby, not me). The guy next to my husband in the queue was holding his head in his hands saying 'make it stop, make it stop, I can't take that crying' to which my husband said 'that's mine, you don't have to live with him.' Another woman in the queue said 'you don't have kids do you? When you do you'll understand' To this guy, who nodded and apologised. And then we all had a little laugh about it...otherwise we'd all cry to.

Mousefunk · 13/11/2012 18:56

I can sympathise with both. I have no tolerance for loud noises, screaming is one I particularly can't stand. I never would make the snide comment, i'd just guzzle my food/drink down and make a run for it OR move places.

My kids have seldom screamed in public but they have had their moments and its awful so totally can sympathise with the mum too. Its particularly horrid when you're trapped on a train with a screaming toddler/baby that won't stop no matter what.. been there a few times. The woman's comment wasn't helpful, I doubt she was a mum herself.

thebody · 13/11/2012 18:57

Why would you go to morrisons cafe.

Vvv unreasonable.

10 minutes of a brat would piss me off.

ticktockcroc · 13/11/2012 19:02

Haingkitties babies were far from perfect. My first especially was prolific screamer. I wouldn't have taken her to a coffee shop if she was over tired though.I used to push her around outside coffee shops in the buggy til she went to sleep if I wanted 30 mins to sit down in peace

Lavenderhoney · 13/11/2012 19:02

I expect the mother was inwardly wishing she had some biscuits or something if her child was so hungry. I would have left tbh but more to do with the wait time than anything.

When I see yelling tantrums I always give what I hope is a sympathic smile to the parent, I hope they don't think am being smug:)

I always assume people with kids are relieved it's not then for once getting evil stares. My dm is embarressing to go out with, she is an eye roller and it annoys me to the extent I will always say something nice, but i expect often it's misconstrued with all the screaming and stress. But I mean well.

AnnieLobeseder · 13/11/2012 19:04

If my child didn't stop screaming within a minute or two, I would have removed us from the cafe. I can't stand screaming and don't see why anyone else should put up with it. I doubt I'd have commented to other tables like that lady did but I can see why she would be very annoyed.

Yes, kids scream. But they are also portable. Take them somewhere where their screaming isn't bothering everyone else.

rainbowinthesky · 13/11/2012 19:05

Why would you sit in a coffee place with a screaming child??

glamourousgranny42 · 13/11/2012 19:06

I agree op she was a cow. I had a toddler who was partial to a tantrum. One day a woman in a cafe said in a loud voice 'that child needs a smack'. To which I said 'if I want your advice on childrearing I will ask for it. And smacking is likely to make her scream even louder. Fool!' She looked mortified. Serves her right

scottishmummy · 13/11/2012 19:06

iPad glitch.snippy comment uncalled for but I would have moved
regardless of cost or salubrious setting I feel for woman
I don't like listening to someone else squawking wean,or my own squeaking weans

thekidsrule · 13/11/2012 19:12

mother should of moved sooner than ten minutes

its polite to others surely

scottishmummy · 13/11/2012 19:15

no the shopper wasn't cow,she was clearly distracted by screaming wean
that in no way makes her cow,no one has to selflessly think ah bless about crying wean
however the comment was uncalled for.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 13/11/2012 19:21

SM

that's the point though. We can't necessarily control how we feel. We can control what we say. My 9 year old knows that. Therefore, cow

tanfastic · 13/11/2012 19:23

Before I had a child I'd have probably done the same. Now I'd have just smiled sympathetically feeling sorry for her.

Havingkitties · 13/11/2012 19:25

Ticktock, the coffee shop is the perfect place to take an overtired baby. It's nice and quiet, perfect for relaxing....until we step in!

FromEsme · 13/11/2012 19:32

YABU for using the word "cow".

I would be pissed off at 10 minutes of screaming. However, I wouldn't make any sort of smug comment, I'd just leave.