AIBU to leave 1 year old alone while eating?

[Jojoba1986]

DS has recently developed a cheeky side which involves watching us for a reaction while dropping food on the floor. It only seems to be a problem at lunch time. We were tearing our hair out trying to communicate that this isn't behaviour we want. 'No' or 'Stop' at any volume & using any tone of voice produced giggles. He's clearly capable of feeding himself & has a tantrum if we take the food away.

Recently I've been struggling with exhaustion, nausea & dizziness due to pregnancy so took to giving him a sandwich & lying on the sofa in the room next door while he ate it. He eats the whole sandwich with lots of appreciative 'nom'ing & no fuss/mess & calls out when he's finished. It takes all the stress out of the mealtime for everyone.

DH seems to think I shouldn't be leaving him alone but I can't see the problem given that I'm just in the next room & listening to his loud eating & check on him if he goes quiet. DH deals with lunchtimes on the weekends & still has the same problems. Personally I feel that telling him no/stop is currently an ineffective method of discipline as he thinks it's funny but I've discovered that turning my back when he's not behaving appropriately is much more effective as it's the attention he's after.

AIBU to just let him get on with it at lunch times or should I be persisting in trying to get him to stop being silly?

Disclaimer: I realise the above makes me sound like a strict disciplinarian but I'm really not! I know he's only one but we feel it's important for him to have boundaries that he can learn to understand. This is the only issue we have any need to try to correct at the moment, other than some deliberate kicking during nappy changes! He's the perfect child in all other respects!

I agree with Sirzy and would like to add some advice. I have had some problems in the past of my DD throwing food down own on the floor. After fruitlessly telling her 'no' and 'stop it', both of which she understands, I soon realised that I only ended up getting frustrated and her carrying on. It seems to me that your DS is just attention seeking, so I would say the best thing, since saying 'no' and getting frustrated is reacting to his attention seeking, would be to completely ignore it. After all it will get harder and more frustrating once the new child arrives.

What worked for me was ignoring the throwing food and instead leading by example. Every time my DD threw food around I would say 'no' or 'naughty' once only. Any food she had spilt or thrown onto her highchair table would go straight back into the bowl and I would make her help me clear up any food on the floor. Soon after she started to do this of her own accord during meal times with food she had spilt by accident and there was no more throwing food around.

At extreme times when she would just simply not be interested in eating and be intent on throwing the food I would simply take it from her, clear up the mess and ignore the tantrum. Once she had settled down I would offer her the food again and if she ate it I would give it to her, if she tried to play with it I would take it away. She soon got the message but it is still a work in progress. The idea is eat nicely or not at all :)

So are you still going to leave him? It sounds like you are given your explanation and what you are leaving him with. There could be that time when he doens't shred his sandwich, stuffs it in and chokes.

actual choking is silent. My charge choked on mash potatoe which is hard to dislodge as isnt a solid and he went silent as couldnt breath and a little discoloured. it was very frightening and his little face looked scared. He got over it a lot quicker than i did and i was really scared at meal times for a while after.
I think the problem is a lot of people are confused what choking is and you can tell when a child starts coughing and parents start bashing them on the back (which is so dangerous), this isnt choking, this is a defense mechanism which is your body getting the food up yourself (which is why other people 'interfering' makes it dangerous as you are trying to cough it up and the backslaps are fighting with the direction of the movement).

Anyway, only you know your baby and what they are like developmentally. ALso the layout of your house. Could you wash the dishes or do laundry (if in kitchen) or something where you are occupied and he isnt aware you are paying attention to him, but you are in same room and there if needed. Id also worry about him falling out of highchair if i wasnt there, but that could be the nanny in me (and have seen dodgy chairs).

YABU for lots of reasons which you seem to be choosing to ignore.

Why ask if you've decided your going to continue?

Do you run in literally every time he is silent for 10 seconds? That sounds stressful for you and it's likely you'll doze off or get distracted some time. It's not a risk I'd take with a 1 year old.

I would ignore the food throwing and just silently put anything that deliberately leaves the table/highchair in the bin and ignore the resulting tantrum. This worked very quickly with both my boys, in less than a day in fact. The key is the total non reaction from you. No sigh, no look, no eye roll, nothing.

I wouldn't leave him dd is 22 months and genrally eats well. A few weeks ago while eating a sandwhich she put too much in and nearly choked as the bread was wedged in. She gagged but it was stuck on the roof of her mouth. She hasnt really done gagging etc since around 1ish so it really took me by surprise.

I wouldn't leave him alone to eat no, incase he does choke. My 2 both inhale their food at times because they eat so fast.

But at the same time I don't know why you are "tearing your hair out" at him chucking food everywhere it's what they do at this age. ignore it and clear up after he's finished. He's got a reaction from you (a strong one at that!) so no wonder he wont stop! He'll get bored if you stop making such a silly fuss about it!

It just seems such a weird conclusion to come to to. You're going to encounter lots of incidence over the next 18 years where he is annoying and not doing as he's told. You cannot just leave him to it every time.

It is dangerous to leave him on his own whilst he eats.

Listen to your DH.

No I wouldn't leave him to eat on his own, you need to ignore the food dropping COMPLETELY and make to response at all. He's doing it for attention. At the very least I would give him his lunch and perhaps do the washing up or something at the same time so you are in the same room as him.

Agree with Desperate regarding your reaction.

If you ignore him, he will stop. In fact it's what is happening now. You are leaving the room, he isn't getting a reaction from you, so he's eating his food.

Carry on ignoring him but stay in the same room as him.

No don't leave him alone for the reasons already stated.

As for the food throwing just ignore, take the food away & ignore the tantrum that follows-he wants a reaction & you are giving it to him.

You shud NEVER leave a child alone to eat ever especially not a 1 yr old! YABU! Just because your certain practice of discipline hasn't worked doesn't mean u give up? I means u try harder!!! Your dc could choke and you wudnt no!! And believe me it is much harder to revive your own child! Believe me I've been there do you can have all the qualifications in the world and u will still panic if u walk in and he's choking on food! I think maybe u need to be a little stricter!! If he continues to chuck food on the floor warm him firmly! If he continues to do it take his food from him tell him dinner is over because he won't eat properly and leave it til next mealtime! He will soon realise being hungry isn't funny and he will soon eat his food rather than throw it! If ur fed up of it now wait til your 2nd dc is here and u have one screaming and one throwing food about! This needs nipping in the bud and leaving him alone and sitting on the sofa won't work!

ChestyNuts I'm confused, what are these multiple reasons? So far the 2 reasons I've heard are the choking issue & that he might get lonely.

I have experienced a child choking so do understand how fast it can happen & how scary it can be. At the time I was nannying for a 2 year old & following the mother's request to ignore silly behaviour at mealtimes & was reading a book. His silence was the first thing that alerted me to the problem, despite being sat next to him. Thankfully he cleared it himself while I was picking him up & after a few minutes sat on my lap he was trying to get back to his chair. Choking can happen whether or not you're sat next to them.

I only left him in the first place because I felt faint due to this pregnancy & after trying to lie on the floor in the same room I decided that I was actually just making myself a target for his food. It's not laziness as someone suggested, it's a medical condition that I am trying to control with prescribed medication.

I am trying to decide what to do next, I haven't already made my decision. This worked surprisingly well for a few days while I was physically unable to be in the dining room with him. I check on him within 5-10 seconds of silence as I know how rare it is for him to stop noming while eating. I've only had to check on him twice due to silence & both times it was a cat in the garden distracting him!

I'm beginning to get on top of the dizziness now that I have tablets & was wondering if it really would be ridiculous to continue with this method as he genuinely seems happier to be left alone with me chatting to him from the other room. Even when he's chatting away I check on him every few minutes to see if he's nearly finished, I just found I couldn't be upright for more than a minute or 2 without feeling like I was going to pass out!

Dizziness or not u shud either bring him into he room your in or sit down next to him! You had experiences with someone else's child, not your own, it is very different!

5 or 10 second of silence could be too late. I can't believe you can justify leave such a small child, it's one of the top rules of child care - never leave a child on its own when it's eating, never leave it in the bath unattended can't think of the others atm

If you need to lie down, he should have his lunch in the front room with you.

Your right in that choking can happen if you are there or not, however if you are there you can save him.

I am a neglectful parent relaxed about safety & no way would I do this.

Yeah me too rilla I'm a real slack Alice and it's a massive no no.

So are you having to lie down for most of the day? That sounds dreadful, I personally wouldn't be happy to be left with a baby if I felt faint every 2 minutes.

However, if there is absolutely no alternative to you being on your own with your son, then put down a plastic mat in the lounge and feed him in there with you while you lie down on the sofa.

Me too! I'm pretty bad with safety but my dd tends to bounce (literatly) when she hurts herself! Still Hve safety gates etc. I'd never leave her alone eating though

OP, I'm afraid you are going to get the same answer, no matter how much you justify leaving him.

It is dangerous to leave a child to eat alone. It is not actually encouraging good table manners. It is annoying when they push boundaries, but it possible to ignore whilst being present in the room.

Everyone agrees, and most of us have been there and experienced this.

I can only assume this is a wind up. No one with 'childcare qualifications' would think it was ok to leave a 1 year old to eat by himself. If it's not a wind up - pull your finger out. You're not the first person to be ill and pregnant while having a child to look after. I was ill for the entire time I was pregnant with DS2. It's grim but too bad, safety comes first. If you really lie on the sofa all day then send your son to nursery where he can get some stimulation and company, and where he can eat in safety.

He's one - he has no idea he's being naughty. He's a baby.

No you shouldn't leave a child of that age to eat alone.

When he stops good on the floor I would simply take the food away and wash up. Keep him in the high chair and ride out the tantrum.

Keep calm though. He will learn. Bad behaviour ignored becomes even worse behaviour in my experience.

Throwing objects and learning they get given back is part of child development - every child does it, it's not naughtiness at all.