Paedophile hysteria on MN-should DH quit?

[socharlotte]

DH is a qualified gymnastics coach.Something he got into when our teenagers were small.He always works in the company of other coaches and there is a parents viewing area.
However most of the gymnasts are little girls (there are a few boys).the jog obviously involves physical contact with the children supporting their flips and vaults etc.But I am thinking he should quit after reading some of the posts on MN recently .A dad hanging round a nursery and a headteacher hanging round a classroom are viewed with suspicion.Are people saying this about DH too.How sad it is that men can't work with children without being viewed as weirdos

My DDs are taught swimming/ athletics/gymnastics by male coaches. All lovely young men who are enthusiastic and encouraging. It has never crossed my mind to be concerned in any way. They handle the children very well, keeping interaction appropriate, moving away from any over enthusiastic attempts at hugs from the kids.

I think anyone who has been abused or has witnessed friends or relatives being abused is going to be cautious. That's not everyone, but it is probably the majority. There was a lot of it around me when I was growing up.

Neither of the threads mentioned actually were paedo hysteria though.
The headmaster 1 was actually very disturbing and as the nursery 1, well I read it as a private nursery and to be honest I would want to know why another parent was in the nursery all the time sat chatting staff.

Take Mumsnet with a pinch of salt.

People tend to spout crap on here to get themselves attention and there is this mob mentality that once someone has lit the touchpaper, everyone gets involved. The extreme the opinion or reaction the more I tend to think that they are just after starting a bunfight or wanting to be the centre of attention.

I certainly would never ever let threads on Mumsnet dictate how I live my life or how people might perceive me.

This is not real life. You'd do well to remember that.

And it's a free country, you fon't need a licence to take pictures of people. And frankly what harm does it do?

Cardea this thread started at the same time as (and the OP mentions) a thread about a man hanging round a nursery. That's what i mean by hangers on. Someone who's there for social reasons, not to support the staff.

My husband has worked as a tutor and won't tutor any under 16's now, even though it is good money. It's just not worth the risk. Everyone on here is saying 'well, if he never puts himself in a position to be accused'...but even if you ask parents to stay around, they are not necessarily sitting in the same room and watching the children all the time and in some ways, that would not be conducive to learning anyway. It's sad but many of the comments on here prove why- if you have to prove that no one ever could make an accusation to make yourself safe, by always having other staff around, that's impossible for certain groups who work primarily on their own with children, such as childminders, nannies or tutors (music, academic).

I don't think I'd be pleased if a random photographer started taking photos of me in the street or in a cafe. Whether they had a licence or not

He wasn't taking photos of people. He's taking photos of buildings, graffiti etc. But people suspect he's taking photos of them so they get awkward.

Also there's no such thing as having a licence to be a photographer which is why he was so confused when he was asked...

Your DH does not need to quit and I wouldn't worry about having a male coach for my DC.

However, It would be sensible for him to make sure he is never put in an awkward situation to protect himself from any false allegations.

fluffy I missed that thread, thanks for clearing that up!

It is ridiculous to suggest that all men are paedos.

However, it is just as ridiculous to pretend they don't exist.

It is frightening to realise, both on here and in rl, to realise just how many people have been victims of child abuse

No probs cardea.

mumsy that's sad. DDs tutor was a great help to her, and i'm so glad i got over my wobbles she went to him. He gave her lots of confidence in herself, and was a bloody good tutor.

I don't see why our children's everyday, common sense interactions with adults should be dictated by a few perverts.

Having read the precis of the 'headmaster' thread on here, it worries me greatly that you consider this hysteria OP.

I read the nursery thread as "Help! The workers are focussing on one parent rather than my child."
The breakfast club one is weird as most people would not hug a child who said that they don't like it.

For his own protection he should operate the same guidelines as peripatetic music teachers do. (In their case it is very tricky as they are often 1 on 1, with even the door closed because of noise.)

However I haven't seen the hysterical threads you have referred to. Unless you meant the strange Dad who hugged a DD, and justified himself when she told him not to. In that case it was very odd behaviour, and a lack of respect for the boundaries of others.

until we have more men working with young children and it is not seen as being unusual then attitudes will not change. I hope your dh carries on ds had a male worker at his first nurery (we moved that is why he changed nursery) he was great the children loved him as they did all the other nursery workers

Fair enough there may be some 'hysteria' about paedophilia, but perhaps that's just because people are starting to wake up to the fact that there are a minority of adults, usually male, who are sexually attracted to minors. Those paedophiles try to get into situations where they will be able to abuse children. If your dh is never alone with the children I don't think he needs to worry.

I have some sympathy that the hysteria makes all men look like potential paedophiles, but I'd rather this than go back to past attitudes where abused victims were disbelieved, brushed under the carpet.

That's really interesting shesariver - we do have a friend who wants to use us as soon as he is set up which will probably be early next year. They have a little girl, but then I wonder if it will also help a little that our child is a girl?

It is tricky - he's been thinking about it for ages. So far I have only been able to find one other male solo childminder here (Edinburgh) and he has no mindees but he is newly registered too.

I feel quite sorry for men working/volunteering with children

My DH used to be a volunteer youth football coach.

We have daughters who are not in the slightest bit interested in football.

The amount of comments about why he was coaching was pretty shocking to be honest, people found it suspicious that he would volunteer for such a thing if his own kids weren't involved - he likes football, enjoys working with kids and is generally a nice bloke who was talked into it by our next door neighbour who was desperate for volunteers

There is hysteria, and it's been around a good while before the Savile revelations. It can be illogical too. Parents outside my DS's school joked about a young male student teacher being a 'paedo' (sure, hilarious) but moaned that the school needed a male headteacher. I know a good few men who are terrified of unwittingly finding themselves alone with a child and refuse to even consider taking paid or voluntary posts where this might happen.
I say this as someone who grew up in the 70s and can vouch for the casual groping and inappropriate sexual relationships being commonplace.

Gossipwitch said "There are on average 250,000 convicted peodophiles in the uk". Where are these figures from Gossipwitch?

The BBC reports child sex offence convictions as follows

Quote
2005: 1,363
2006: 1,675
2007: 1,747
2008: 1,888
2009: 1,916
2010: 2,135
Source: Ministry of Justice
Unquote

at www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-14596811

Yes, it is serious, but please let us be accurate, not alarmist!

Most people are not peados.

Some people chose a job working with children and use their position of trust to abuse the children in their care

Most wouldn't,but some do.

I will be vigilant with my dc safety in all ways that I can.
Op I don't think your DH should quit.
Children need good male and female role models.
I would just make sure he was never alone with a child (not his own though!) to protect himself.

No no, no no, and no. Your DH should not quit!

To do so would be succumbing to the notion that "everyone with a penis is a threat", which has caused innocent people from paediatricians to pedestrians to be attacked in the street, and it would be a victory for mob hysteria if your DH did quit simply because of this.

I myself used to worry about the same thing, then I learned about "DM mob hysteria".

I don't think its being alarmist there only figures for known offenders who are convicted and found guilty another that I know of was added to the list on Thursday and is now registered remember not all are found guilty either some extremely clever lawyers out there who try to pull victims apart in court.