Not to give my 3.5 yr old a snack?

[NoNoNoMYDoIt]

She is crying and whingeing that she is hungry. She is a nightmare at breakfast time and eats very little. I am sick of it because then I end up giving her a snack at 10 and then she doesn't want lunch at 1140 (has to be then as nursery at 1245). Then she cries she is hungry after school so another snack and then she won't eat tea.

So AIBU not to give her a snack now even tho she ate no bfast and is going to cry for the next hour and 20 mins that she is hungry?

Distracting her isn't working. So if I ABU can someone tell me wtf to do with her for the next while? I have tried arts / reading / telly. Nothing is working!

Why don't you just give her her lunch instead of snacks? If she has no breakfast, a very early lunch, a small snack after nursery, then she could probably manage tea with everyone else.

My DD(nearly 3) has just started to refuse her breakfast. Her dad can't stand food first thing either, whereas I'l likely to start eating the furniture if I don't get breakfast on waking! I just give her a drink to start with, then when she's hungry she'll ask for breakfast. It was 9 before she asked for some fruit today.

In your shoes, I'd probably just give her a drink in the morning. If she's hungry at 10 I'd give her a brunch type thing, cheese, ham, bread, brioche, fruit, yoghurt etc. On a Monday I'd probably try to get her to drink something like full fat hot chocolate, or a smoothie, then have lunch ready when she gets out. I would also give her a small snack after nursery, bread sticks, fruit or cheese, in a box like Raspberrysorbet suggests and tell that's it to last her till tea.

Also, I find that DD gets whingey about being hungry, then picks, when she's actually thirsty. I tell her she can have (whatever the snack is) if she drinks her drink first. If she's thrsty, that's the end of it, if not, I know she's genuinely hungry, and she gets fed.

I'm in agreement with you NoNo, let her wait, block the whining out, giving her what she wants will make her fussy and spoilt! Whenever my children have a late snack and early lunch, which results in lunch not being eaten I accept it as being mostly my fault for giving them a late snack. Fruit is a great snack, grapes and blueberries etc as they are digested within an hour so they will always eat lunch. Don't give in to her demands, she does absolutely understand what's happening, it's sounds like alot of parents on here underestimate their pre-schoolers!

cant you give her lunch now and then a snack before nursery? and the same when she comes home (dinner and then a snack later)?

Give her a tiny breakfast, small snack if she needs on and then a late lunch. Some kids need to graze rather than have big meals.

it's not spoiling your child to geed them when they are hungry!

It's been going on for 2 years!? She's used to you giving in and now her digestive system is used to to food at those times. I think you should retrain for want of a better word. you have two choices:

1 - refuse to give her a snack and make her wait and hour for lunch, then remind her the next day that she needs to eat breakfast as she as so hungry the day before

2 - give her a small fruit snack now to bide her over and refuse to give her more. Or a cup of warm milk so that she's not too over fed for lunch.

If you haven't given in yet, then give her lunch soon. Hope it all settles down for you.

She is actually 4 at the end of feb so is 3.9. Can't help thinking her brother started school at 4.2 and her eating is so far off at the moment! I know she would get through the school day because she would have no choice. But I just want to cut the whinge cycle.

She is now in bed sucking her thumb because she is tired. She probably is tired as has spent so much energy whingeing all morning

The solution, I don't think, is not to give her lunch at 10 because that screws up family eating at the weekends and during the holiday. Her brother is fab and eats regular meals and never asks for snacks. She, on the other hand, would graze on stuff all day. But it isn't like I can give her sandwiches to eat as she won't eat anything bread based or any cold protein. So chicken is fine but must be hot. Likewise sausages.

I feel like I am brewing a child with disordered eating here. She is fussy to the point of being controlling with it.

She has plenty of latitude in choices she makes. She has options (not too many ti be confusing but sufficient) and I am careful to allow her to choose her own activities / clothes etc. but this eating thing is starting to ruin family life and I won't tolerate that.

I still don't know what to do. I don't think giving her a meal at 10 is the answer because to be honest there is only one day a week (tues) where this is an option.

Anyway only 30 mins to go till this awful morning wait is over. I have hated every second of it.

It may not be spoiling her to feed her when she is hungry, fanjo, but giving her a snack doesn't stem the whinge flow. If a snack satisfied her and tided her over till lunch I wouldn't quibble. But it doesn't. It sets off a whole new wave of whingeing. Which I have now had an absolute bellyful of (hahaha).

she is hungry give her something to eat. At this age they at growing so rapidly and have a tinyntummy most children will eat little and often and should be when they want to not when it fits in with routine. Ds is in reception they have snacks morning and in the afternoon along with a hot lunch I doubt snacks are not given to those who have not eaten their lunch

My DD is actually the same and she is 6...so I can identify with the being sick of the whinging, surprisingly..however I accept it as she has a very fast metabolism and needs to fuel up little and often.

valium - can't do small breakfast, snack, then late lunch because nursery starts at 1245.

freudian - the difference at school is that snack is just a piece of fruit or similar. Which is fab. No problems at all with that. DD would eat the fruit then whinge, cry, tantrum for more. All morning. Clearly at school that won't happen. I don't seem to be able to stop DD from doing it though. Even if we go out for the morning she cries constantly for snacks.

fanjo - how do you cope with the fact that the whingeing goes on all day because she never eats a proper meal? Because DD won't eat sandwiches, wraps, cheese, pasta salad etc I am restricted in what I can give her as snacks to crackers, rice cakes, breadsticks, fruit, veg and sodding pepperami. Oh and yogurts. She eats very little protein as she won't eat anything cold. Not even eggs which she loves hot. And I think that is part of the problem for her. The only thing she will eat on a cracker is peanut butter which isn't the best thing when you are out and about and is a no no in settings with other kids (eg after swimming in the soft play etc)

I'm of the "don't give in" school of thought. I also like the idea of making her wait for her lunch but giving it a bit earlier than usual today, a piece of fruit after nursery and then tea with the rest of the family. Every day you can move lunch until it is at a time that fits in with what you have to do. It's relatively easy to fit around one chil dbut when you have more than one you have to go with what works for teh whole family and not just one of them. Is there anything that she would eat for breakfast, mine are a bit older now but I can guarantee that an offer of a bacon sandwich will get a very different response to a bowl of weetabix! . How about the mini boxes of kellogs cereal?

I don't really because my DD also eats meals, however it is still difficult as she has severe allergies and is also a bit fussy.

Everybody is different and that goes for children, some need small meals often and others can go for longer. A child will eat when they are hungry there is no point imo in creating a battle ground and making your lives miserable . My dd would never eat breakfast but would have a glass a warm milk. If she is asking for food then offer a healthy snack, fruit , yoghurt, dried raisins, rice cakes. It only becomes a problem if you are offering her unhealthy things at snack times. Abroad the kids have breakfast early to be in school or creche by 8 , they have a snack at 10 or 11 and have lunch at 11.45, so it can be done. When i used to pick my ds up from school i had to have a snack for him at 4.30 even though tea would be at 5.30 he could not last that long without being hungry. I would create a nice time for both of you tomorrow when you get back from the school run, both sit down and have a snack and a drink and ask her to help you prepare lunch.

Yabu....just give her a breakfast type snack. She's only small.

Thanks for your comments

She won't eat breakfast cereal. Well not more than a few spoonfuls anyway

I am now cooking her salmon, pasta, home made veggie sauce and peas and sweet corn. She had better bloody well eat it after 90 mins of crying!!

Oh and no to bacon sandwiches because she won't eat bread.

The only thing she will eat for breakfast are those crunch corner yogurts with chocolate balls / hoops.

She would eat eggs, beans and bacon occasionally. At about 1030!!

What does she have for bk'fast? Have you tried to see if she would eat something else?

I think it's hard if she is genuinely not hungry in the morning. Ask any adult who can't stomach anything at all at 7.00am. You won't be able to 'force' her to eat if she really isn't feeling hungry.
Attractive foods might 'push' her in the right direction.

How much is she eating ion the evening too? Perhaps a lighter evening meal would also mean being more ready for food in the am?

Sounds like a nice lunch OP, can I join you?

It's annoying I know but I would go with her tbh and let her eat later. I know they have to get used to eating earlier when school begins but cross that bridge later.

My DD is 4 and a half and was the same as yours...she's just got into the habit of eating a little before school. Not much but something. It's fine imo to eat her breakfast at 10.30.

R u sure she's whining cos she's hungry or is she whining for sake of whining. 3 going in four is the wielrst time ever for this they just whinge about anything and everything. She's not gonna waste away cos u made her wait and with nursery and school in a year u really need to stop the cycle. Do u offer alternatives of she makes a fuss? Or do u present her with a meal and she eats it or goes without? I think I'd just make her wait till lunch time and just not focus on it cos sounds like food is her way of controlling things.

yes but she is 3 ds is 5 and as soon as I pick him up he is hungry if he went to after school club he would be eating sandwiches and fruit

at his nursery they had breakfast, snacks of fruit and rice cakes, lunch with fruit then another small meal like soup and sandwiches so for the children that needed food little and often they had enough and also suited the children that are suited to 3 meals a day

I know nothing is more irrational that a child whining I winge when I am hungry just accept she will not always fit in with routine and relax a little the most important thing is that she is eating enough food

Give her a piece of fruit and a large drink to keep her going. Is she confusing thirst with hunger? A glass milk might do it.