AIBU to subtly cold shoulder sister after row?

[mulranno]

There is a long standing family dispute around our mothers willl involving one of my sisters. I met with her a while back to ask her to stop involving my young children and my friends who she had told her (biased) side of the story to and to look to resolve her issue by discussions directly with her siblings. This was in a pub - I prepared very careful non judgemental language to make my point but she sprang into a rage screaming, standing over me and pointing at me before storming out. She followed this up with a text saying that she would not agree to my request and requested that I be civil to her in any public encounters - which of course I have been.

Yesterday, 4 months later, she turned up at the front door with her boyfriend - "just dropping by for a cuppa" - I said I was on my way out with my youngest - and she huffed off again. In reality it was a snub by me - I am very happy to have a resolution conversation but the fact that she had her boyfriend with her made me think that this was not her intention - more that she can just ignore things and expect a friendship. Should I have just indulged her?

I think I'd need more infor to decide if you were being unreasonable, but on the face of it I would say that cold shouldering her will never resolve anything! Perhaps she was tentatively extending an olive branch and brought her BF with her for moral support? In which case, you scored a bit of an own goal!!!!

No, she was testing to see if you would change your resolve,

I would send her a email and reiterate, that you would be prepared to start rebuilding a relationship if she is able to hear and understand your concerns.

I would be clear that you are not going to invest any energy in the situation unless it is positive energy.

Stick to your guns or you will be back to square one, where she feels the right to treat you badly.

The thing that screams out to me from this post is that why are you worrying about how and when the issue is resolved - why not just resolve it? That way she will cease to be upset and cease to get angry with you in public places.

The only thing that she will construe from you turning her away, is that you have no intention of resolving the issue.