to invite DS1's best friend round without having to invite his twin sister?

[ceebeegeebies]

Don't get me wrong, she is a lovely girl but would like it if DS1's best friend could come to play by himself occasionally - am I mean?

Their mum has said she would like the boy to come by himself as he is quite shy and thinks it would be beneficial for him to not have his sister to rely on but she always asks if she can come aswell and I can't really say no.

Thanks for all the suggestions - I think I will try and manage the situation better in future. It is slightly complicated in that DS1 and both twins are in the same class and seem to spend a lot of time together (unfortunately g/twin was seperated from her best friend from last year as they split the classes so I think she spends a lot of time with her brother and subsequently DS1) so it is not as if DS1 is not friends with her.

It just adds a slightly complicated dynamic to the play date and the g/twin does sometimes seek me out if the boys are doing 'boy' things - and I thought the whole point of playdates is that you can do what you like without having to amuse a child

If the Mum is concerned about their dependency, why don't you arrange with Mum that she'll do something 'girly' with the girl, and you'll 'look after ' the boy?

I think 6 is plenty old enough for her to understand a simple "not today, maybe next time".

YANBU, it is annoying and it is not necessarily a twin thing. DS had a friend with a sister about a year younger and when I took the boys out, I generally ended up taking the sister along as well. The boys then went off on their own and I was left to entertain the girl. I wouldn't have refused because they didn't have the greatest home life, but it didn't stop me being irritated. In your case, I think it is up to the mum to try and arrange something else for the girl.

I invited one of a set of twins for tea and it wasn't welcome. Not only was the Dad offended that I was excluding one, but the Mother thought that they woudn't want to be separate. Tricky for dd though as one she really likes and the other not at all, I can definitely say that they are very very different. TBH we don';t bother having either.

I really don't understand this??

You only want to invite your son's friend. The mother only wants you to invite your son's friend. So surely that's what you do and she sorts out her daughter??? . I don't understand the problem???

Of course you can.
You just say to little girl "maybe another time" and then mum can follow that up - she could maybe then invite a friend for her DD to play with at their house.

YANBU

I agree with the person who said arrange play dates via the mother. My twins also do the puppy faced "oh, can't I go too" but they need different activities and friends, not least of all because they have different interests. I have found many people are shocked when I suggest that they are two seperate individuals and therefore need their own seperate interests. It's not only the parents of twins who struggle with the concept of separating them.

One mum here actualy had the audacity to tell DD1 that she could come over when invited, but not DD2. DD1 was a little as she told me. It can be done, but a lot of people would be offended, I have the hide of a rhino

And don't says it is just the boys playing today...she may try and say "but I like boy games". Just say "it is just Daniel and Freddie this afternoon?". I am not hugely politically correct, but don't make her think it is because she is a girl that she cannot come. Just that it is a playmate for 2 individuals.

PosieParker "we don';t bother having either" - poor child!

It may be harsh, but it's a lesson they'll have to learn. My twins had to learn once they started school, in different classes, that one would be invited to a party and the other wouldn't. Yes, they moaned, but they have to realise that they can't always do everything together.

I suspect most parents would do as Posie parker did. We don't have other kids round because we enjoy playing childminders, we do it because they are friends of our children. If a child who isn't a friend insists on coming too, and if our child doesn't like the other child then you invite a different child.
In my experiance children aren't very good at playing in 3s.
If I had had twins I would have been encouraging them to develop their own friends and interests to prepare them for adult life. They have loads of time when at home to play together. I would probably prefer them to be in different school classes as well if the year group has more than one class, so the teachers see them as individuals as well and not "the twins".

Our girl/boy twins are 5 and in year 1. They both go to different friends houses on their own. As the twin mum I do often have a a friend each back for tea as they are in the same class and if ds has a friend then dd wants to play with said friend too!

I would most definatley in this instance only invite to boy over to play with your son. 6 is not too young to learn and especially as their mum would rather the boy went on his own to improve his confidence.

Can't your DS have the boy around and twins mum think of something else to do with her? Like the park, play with her, do some craft/cooking? Agree with other posters this is up to twins mum really, but I think YANBU.

I would do as PosieParker did-it maybe harsh but if we ask a particular child we don't want siblings.

My DD is 4 and friends with one twin in her class. I am dreading the "Can x come for tea?"

I think I don't mind both coming and will ask the Mum what she prefers.

I would ask your DD which she prefers-I can't think why the mother matters!

It is very peculiar that because they were born on the same day they have to do everything together. All siblings have to learn that they can't always do the same-I can't see why twins are any different.
Three isn't a good number to play.

I think it's a bit odd that the mother has said she wants him to come on his own, but then lets the girl go too?
I have twin girls and they often go friends houses without each other. We do sometimes have the "why can't I go too?" line, but that is the point where I say no. They are separate people and have their own group of friends as well as all playing together. I would hate for people not to want to have one around just because they thought they 'may' have to invite the other one too!
I think maybe arranging it with the other mother when the girl isn't around is a good idea, if she does mention it, I'd go with a quick, no just the boys this time, maybe next time - and run!! Ultimately though, it's up to the mother to tell her daughter.
Personally I love having just one to myself for a while!

I am not sure on this. One of my 5 year old twins cried all the way home once as their friend only invited his twin brother. Luckily turned out was a mistake and he was meant to invite both. With older twins though i think would be fine especially opposite sex as in juniors they tend to play in same sex groups on the whole. However the mother can easily turn the invite down if she is not happy. She isn't obligated.

Mine are 20 months apart and played with the same friends. It is upsetting if only one gets invited, but it is the parent's job to help a child get over disappointments-not to make sure they never get any!

It's pretty sad for twins that people don't invite either of them because they are worried about having to invite both. The adults should be able to discuss it and work out what's best. For example MrsCan'tSayAnything says she is dreading the day when her DD wants the twin for tea. It shouldn't be an issue. Twins are people too. I think the twin mums who expect both to be invited are very much in the minority.