To think I can't take my toddler to a hospital appt?

[MyLastDuchess]

I don't think IABU but I am feeling guilty so want to check.

I am 39 weeks pregnant and was referred to hospital today due to reduced movement (anterior placenta, so it's hard for me to feel much at times). We have a DS aged 2.3, he was with my DP when I went to see the midwife and I was immediately referred to hospital. They monitored the heartbeat for 45 mins and then did a scan. All looks great with the baby but to be on the safe side they want me to go back again tomorrow.

As it's a Saturday there was a limited choice of times and my appt is for 12 noon (DS normally naps at 11). DP is scheduled to work but I've asked him to cancel as I can't see how I can handle a knackered toddler while having a scan and possibly more time on the monitor.

When I write it like that it sounds perfectly reasonable but I can't help feeling like I should be able to cope ... That's silly though isn't it? And obviously for the health of the unborn baby I MUST go to the appointment.

(Due to circumstances there's nobody we can ask to mind DS tomorrow.)

AIBU?

Yanbu. Had similar situation when pregnant with dd2. Important to look after yourself and the baby. And anyway, soon your dp will need to take time off for the birth etc! Also sounds like you could do with some rest.

no. he should be going with you if it is really that serious.

Hope all goes well tomorrow, rest up (if remotely possible!)

Of course your not being unreasonable. It must be hard to lay there and relax while they monitor the baby while trying to entertain a toddler.

Was all set to say,oh take the toddler - but no,in those circumstances I don't think you can.Physically I can't see how you can combine dealing with your toddler with heartbeat monitoring and a possible scan,unless he is guaranteed to sit quietly looking at a book,or to be asleep (are there any 2,3 year olds that'd be true for??)
Your DP does need to cancel work IMO.
Good luck with it all!

Only you know if it's ok, believe in your own judgement. My 2.4 yr old would be fine, but that's him. I'd probably take both personally, dh and toddler but it's your call. You know how YOU feel and how your toddler would be.

YANBU to feel like its too much (most things are by 39 weeks pg!) but there are bound to be ways of making it a lot more manageable.

Have you got a portable DVD player or similar that your DS could get plugged into for the duration? Or will he sleep in the pushchair/car on the way there?

I was all set to say it would be fine, but in those circumstances YANBU.

If you do have to take your toddler is there any chance he will sit strapped in a buggy with a snack?

A gentle YABU. Your appointment tomorrow isn't your ideal time slot, but it's perfectly manageable. You're about to have two kids, there will be plenty of situations where you'll have to meet conflicting needs, different nap times and so on. Think of this as practice.

You know your DS, consider the options and pick the most practical one. An early night and an earlier nap? A snack and some toys? A nap in the pram with a special blanket? Worst case is he gets tired and cranky, which is occasionally unavoidable with toddlers. The scan is important so you'll find a way to make it happen. I know things can feel overwhelming this late on in pregnancy but it doesn't seem like something so difficult you can't manage without your husband missing work.

Agree that ideally your dh should be going with you. That's not a great appointment to be attending on your own. Yanbu at all regarding not wanting to take a toddler on your own. I hope it all goes well tomorrow.

Fenix- if they put op on the monitor then she literally won't be able to move or the trace will be lost. The monitoring might be for 45mins or so. There is no way she could control her D's unless he's strapped in the buggy. Screaming would be really unfair to everyone else there for monitoring. They will be stressed out enough already!

Property, I know how it works. I'm just coming to things from a different perspective and probably a different culture where a lot of the time people have to make do and try their best in difficult circumstances. I have a tendency to think there is very little situations which are actually impossible, and a lot of the time, we say 'can't' instead of 'won't' or 'would prefer not to'. If the OP had no other choice, she'd make it work. If she decides she'd really prefer her DH to be there, then she'll make it happen. She knows herself and her kids, and she'll decide best for them all, but I see no point in not offering a valid opinion since that's what she's asked for.

YANBU. I had an anterior placenta with my second pregnancy and went into hospital for monitoring a couple of times. I don't know what I would have done if I'd had my other children with me!

I don't think it would be at all practical to go on your own with a 2.3yo, IME they just don't do sitting still in one place for that long, you may get lucky and he be asleep, but you can't count on it.

Also what if god forbid they were not happy with the trace etc, your dp needs to be there.

I remember having to do the annoying back and forth thing for traces, even when I had had an ok trace and scan 2 days before and was due an elcs 3 days later, I didn't see the point, but obviously had to go just in case.

Good luck, hope you have a smooth delivery.

I really don't think you should attend this appointment on your own with a toddler.

I had to do loads of traces when expecting DC2 - there were times I was at the hospital for 4 or 5 hours. There is no way I could have coped with entertaining DC1 while strapped to a monitor, especially because I had to get a 45 minute continuous trace, so any movement (even letting go of the monitor which I had to clutch to my belly) would have meant starting again from scratch.

Good luck, I hope you DH gives your the practical help and support you need.

YANBU
You need your DP to be with you and to look after your son.
You may be asked to stay in the hospital for monitoring. You may be referred for a c-section. You may be induced. You just don't know. These things would be stressful enough with no other chilld to look after never mind having a toddler to look after on your own.

Good luck for tomorrow.

The lovely (public health!) maternity hospital I am referred to has a free drop in crèche for this type of situation. I was stressing about what to do with my DS during check ups etc until I found out about the crèche. Without it, my DH would have to have taken time off for all the appts, as I couldn't have concentrated on my health and the health of DC2 with DS going feral if he was strapped in a pushchair (he's ok if we are moving anywhere, but if its being used as containment he gets very unhappy....)
So I don't think yabu to want either your DH there to look after your toddler.

Yanbu I'm 26 weeks but under consultant care so lots of hospital appointments. Luckily I haven't needed to take the 19 month old with me. He did come with dp to the 20 week scan though and the sonographer sent them out the room as ds wouldn't stop chattering noisily

my 2.3 year old would be running around, pressing the buttons and all sorts, there is no way i would be able to take him to this type of appointment, unless I could move around to restrain him, put him on quiet time etc.