Well AIBU

[KelperRose]

Im ask­ing for advice and opin­ions on how you would han­dle this sit­u­a­tion

My son, 19, left col­lege ear­lier this year and even­tu­ally signed on at the end of August when the casual work he had at his Uncles café dried up and all his job appli­ca­tions were unsuc­cess­ful

Since then he has been sanc­tioned twice (once for being 3 mins late to a group ses­sion at no fault of his own , but which I think fuelled his atti­tude ?of you have treated me unfairly so why should I respect you ?atti­tude?

They then after the sanc­tion rec­om­mended him for ?a work place­ment? and he went to the com­pany (JHP) for an ini­tial inter­view and the guy there told him your here and you?ve been put on a work place­ment ?as a pun­ish­ment?

He, rightly or wrongly walked out and said some­thing along the lines ?being pun­ished for being 3 mins late to a group who?s best advice on how to find a job was ?look on the inter­net for vacan­cies?

He also asked ?if? work place­ments were the great gov­ern­ment scheme to help peo­ple into work why are you admit­ting you are putting me on this for pun­ish­ment (his think­ing here was if he hadn?t been 3 mins late he would not have been referred for a work place­ment)

. he also asked ?If I go and stick price labels on stuff at the back of a char­ity shop for a month do you really think I?d put that on my CV when I have skills and qual­i­fi­ca­tions already , what does that say about me other than I was unem­ployed and put on a workscheme?

They then sanc­tioned his job seek­ers again.?.then sus­pended it indef­i­nitely . Then sent him p45 form say­ing he was obvi­ously not enti­tled to JSA as he did not want a job!!!!!!

We now have Alas­dair Dar­ling MP , and Andrew Burns leader of the Edin­burgh coun­cil involved too but , but this is my point.?.?.?.?.?.?.?

I cre­ated in part his atti­tude towards the DWP, Job Cen­tres and work place­ments so should I just suck it up and con­tinue pay­ing for him (food, travel, roof over his head, clothes, hob­bies etc) or should should I say .?..you?re unem­ployed and until you get the means to sup­port your­self your going have to suck it up and play ball with what­ever they want you to do for £56 a week

I?d really appre­ci­ate some views , thanks coz I?m torn between going ?gonna my son It is shit, it wrong and I?ll sup­port you? and ?Well you need to stand on your two feet

[WorraLiberty]

Bogey stop it!!

I've now read the entire sentence with what you just said in mind....

"He needs to suck it off, apologise, and ask for their help seeking work"

Sounds like a great plan!

[Bogeyface]

Thanks tuttut, he is, or he would like to be

Its heartbreaking, because him and his GF of 2 years, are devoted and really want to live together but they cant afford it on her wage alone, and he wont move in until he can pay his way even though she would happily support them both in a cheaper area. Looks like they will be living apart for some years yet :(

[Bogeyface]

You know what Worra? That has given me an idea for some job search advice for DS :o

[OpheliaPayneAgain]

he also asked ?If I go and stick price labels on stuff at the back of a char­ity shop for a month do you really think I?d put that on my CV when I have skills and qual­i­fi­ca­tions already , what does that say about me other than I was unem­ployed and put on a workscheme?

Attitude attitude attitude ..... lots of people out there with years of experience, degrees, and a postive attitude who cant find jobs at the moment. It is easy to get disillusioned, but his attitude is pissing people off.

If he had all these sills and qualifications he is so sure of, people would be beating down the door to employ him.

You make your own luck in this world. My friends son, articulate, bright, well groomed, personable walked into a select wine bar with the offer of working for a week for free on the provisio that they employ him at the end of the week if they liked what he did. The manager liked his cheek up front request and had employed him by the end of the night. It was his pocket money through 6th form.

[TandB]

He needs to sort himself out. The system is far from perfect but there is a reason and a purpose to everything he is being asked to do. He can moan and sulk and flounce and think he's too good for it and finish up sitting up at home with his mum making excuses for him, or he can develop a bit more of a willing attitude and find the benefit in anything they ask him to do.

For someone with minimal work experience there is no such thing as a pointless work placement. There will always be something he can take out of it.

This has set my teeth right on edge because I am constantly dealing with clients who moan and whinge about the job centre, the probation service etc because they don't think they should be doing what they are being asked to do. They think the world owes them a living and that they are entitled to special treatment from every organisation they work with. They have an anwer for everything, usually involving someone giving them "attitude" or "having it in" for them, or it being a "waste of time."

Your son might think he is too good for the services being offered, but to the people offering it he is one of many, many young people who come and see them every day and kick off about being asked to lift a finger to help themselves.

[Himalaya]

Kelper

What is it your son wants to do?

You and he need to put your energies into finding that opportunity.

[ImaginateMum]

If this were my son, he would get my ongoing finanical support / ability to live at home if he did the following:

• jumped through any required JSA hoops
  
• got a voluntary post which he performed diligently and enthusiastically
  
• applied for at least three jobs a day or at least had a set of online sites he diligently monitored
  
• was prepared to work in pubs, at McDonalds, etc, as he waited for a dream post (and, actually, some jobs like that have great training schemes)
  
• agreed to a family routine where he did x amount of regular/scheduled cooking and regular/scheduled cleaning
  

I would also be encouraging him to keep up with some kind of regular sport, even if it were jogging or swimming and also any hobbies.

I say all those because they give him things to put on his CV, give him structure to his day, and also will help the family and help his mental health. Stagnating at home playing computer games is not healthy for body, soul or employment prospects.

[KelperRose]

thank you

yeas he was sanctioned for being 3 mins late

[KelperRose]

cheers imagianateMum ............he does Martial Arts

[ImaginateMum]

Both my brother, my BIL and my husband were unemployed in their twenties for a while. It is very tough. But you need to build a purposeful life to feel good about yourself and to keep yourself employable.

Martial Arts is great. Are there classes for younger people? Maybe the leader would like his help with those? Something like that would mean he was doing something for them, but also for his confidence and his CV.

Does he like animals? Could he walk neighbours dogs? My brother did that, not really for money, but it gave him a routine and got him outside exercising.

[ImaginateMum]

Does it help if I add that they are all happily married, happily employed, house owners now?

[complexnumber]

Does it help if I add that they are all happily married, happily employed, house owners now?

I think that helps a lot, and should reassure a lot of us

[KelperRose]

yes yea that would ImagagimateMum


He i unemployed and skint and getting shafted left right and centre by th job centre

[KelperRose]

*is

[kinkyfuckery]

Ah buggering bollocks.

Yes, he should suck it off, that is a career there in itself!

[Purple2012]

What was the other thing he was sanctioned for?

[Sirzy]

Thats part of the problem, you (and so I guess he is aswell) are so keen to blame others.

HE needs to take some responsibility for it. HE needs to get out there and do whatever it takes to get himself employed (voluntary or paid) or into further training/education.

[KelperRose]

errm no Sirzy . You have know suggested it's partil my my fault

Keen to blame others ........oh dear come on and insult me and my son more

[EverybodysSpookyEyed]

How did people get jobs before job centres?

[Sirzy]

So again i ask (and perhaps you will bother to give a proper answer this time) what is HE doing to change the situation?

[Purple2012]

And I ask again, what was the other thing he was sanctioned for?

[stinkinseamonkey]

what good is it doing him and his situation if you're both putting lots of energy into complaining about how "shafted" he is being

noone is going to turn this around for him if he's not in the right frame of mind, and you're not helping that

[mrskeithrichards]

What kind of work is he looking for? My dh works in same area and will be looking to take on a labourer for a few weeks soon. (building site labouring)

[Sausagedog27]

I can see both sides- my bil left uni and couldn't find a job which related to his degree. He signed on and they job centre would put him forward for the most unsuitable jobs (by this I mean ones miles away where he would struggle etc), trying to get him to go to cv sessions (he had done a really good one already with the support of his uni) and generally just wanted him off their books at all costs, making him feel very small in the process.

But on the other hand, he sucked it up to get the money, played the game and in the end has found a really good job (through his uni careers centre I might add and lots of research off his own back- no help from the job centre).

I think you need to focus on the goal here- him getting a job/earning a living. I think his attitude does need addressing and I think you both need to focus your efforts on job hunting- not complaining etc.

Does the college have a careers advisor? My bil was put forward to a company by his course tutor and got the job that way. Your ds should maybe look at other options.

[1sassylassy]

I gave you an idea to help him find work,instead of bleating about being screwed by the JC,get him round all the recruitment agencies tomorrow,lots of firms looking for Christmas workers,if he gets his foot in the door even on a temporary basis it might lead to permanent work.