Well AIBU

[KelperRose]

Im ask­ing for advice and opin­ions on how you would han­dle this sit­u­a­tion

My son, 19, left col­lege ear­lier this year and even­tu­ally signed on at the end of August when the casual work he had at his Uncles café dried up and all his job appli­ca­tions were unsuc­cess­ful

Since then he has been sanc­tioned twice (once for being 3 mins late to a group ses­sion at no fault of his own , but which I think fuelled his atti­tude ?of you have treated me unfairly so why should I respect you ?atti­tude?

They then after the sanc­tion rec­om­mended him for ?a work place­ment? and he went to the com­pany (JHP) for an ini­tial inter­view and the guy there told him your here and you?ve been put on a work place­ment ?as a pun­ish­ment?

He, rightly or wrongly walked out and said some­thing along the lines ?being pun­ished for being 3 mins late to a group who?s best advice on how to find a job was ?look on the inter­net for vacan­cies?

He also asked ?if? work place­ments were the great gov­ern­ment scheme to help peo­ple into work why are you admit­ting you are putting me on this for pun­ish­ment (his think­ing here was if he hadn?t been 3 mins late he would not have been referred for a work place­ment)

. he also asked ?If I go and stick price labels on stuff at the back of a char­ity shop for a month do you really think I?d put that on my CV when I have skills and qual­i­fi­ca­tions already , what does that say about me other than I was unem­ployed and put on a workscheme?

They then sanc­tioned his job seek­ers again.?.then sus­pended it indef­i­nitely . Then sent him p45 form say­ing he was obvi­ously not enti­tled to JSA as he did not want a job!!!!!!

We now have Alas­dair Dar­ling MP , and Andrew Burns leader of the Edin­burgh coun­cil involved too but , but this is my point.?.?.?.?.?.?.?

I cre­ated in part his atti­tude towards the DWP, Job Cen­tres and work place­ments so should I just suck it up and con­tinue pay­ing for him (food, travel, roof over his head, clothes, hob­bies etc) or should should I say .?..you?re unem­ployed and until you get the means to sup­port your­self your going have to suck it up and play ball with what­ever they want you to do for £56 a week

I?d really appre­ci­ate some views , thanks coz I?m torn between going ?gonna my son It is shit, it wrong and I?ll sup­port you? and ?Well you need to stand on your two feet

[KelperRose]

yes first and only

[Bogeyface]

Sorry, but I think that you are making excuses for him.

He was late and they chose to use the sanctions that he agreed to when he signed on. Whether you or he agree or not is irrelevant.

The same with the work placement thing. My son was on one, it wasnt great but actually he did learn some new skills.

Tbh from what you have written, his attitude does point to the fact that he either doesnt want a job or doesnt want to do what you have to do to a) get a job and b) get JSA.

Whether you agree with the system or not, this is how it is and he must either suck it up or learn to live on nothing. The longer you keep defending him and paying for him, the longer he doesnt have to do anything for himself.

[procrastinor]

You know what? I have met plenty of young people around your son's age who show amazing determination and dedication in trying to find work / make opportunities in what are very difficult times.

I certainly wouldn't believe in a man who thinks that he's better than working in a charity shop. I don't care if they said it was a punishment, so what? He knows his JSA is contingent on jumping through hoops, and actually he would have got some work experience out of it. A lot of employers prefer that over someone who has just finished a college course where their hand would have been held to a large extent.

[AnaisB]

Has he worked before? What is he doing to find work?

Doesn't seem like it'd win me any mumsnet friends, but if I was told I'd been sent to do unpaid work because I'd been three minutes late to a meeting due to an accident I might walk out too.

[Tuttutitlookslikerain]

There are jobs out there actually. My DS1 is counting the days down until he is 18 because then he can apply for one of the many pub jobs in our very small county. Yes, it is not ideal, but he doesn't think the world owes him a living and just wants to earn a few pounds before he goes to Uni!

[KelperRose]

sizry he is obviously playing call of duty black ops (or the new one eh) coz no way could he be partaking in our fammily .......lol

[KelperRose]

Of course I'm going to make excuses for him he is my son

[Sirzy]

Whats with the sarcy answers?

In a thread of this nature it is a pretty important question. If he is spending his days doing voluntary work and applying for jobs good on him. Otherwise I have no sympathy.

You seem to be struggling to understand that the person responsible for his position is him. He chose not to take the opportunity given to him as he deemed it to be below him.

[Sirzy]

Making excuses for him isn't going to help him.

[WorraLiberty]

Of course I'm going to make excuses for him he is my son

Riiiiight and yet I'm "the exact reason our sons and daughters age 19 get met with no-one believing them"??

If it was well covered in the newspaper, why didn't the appeal panel believe him?

[procrastinor]

No you don't have to make excuses for him. Yes, he's your son but he's also an adult who needs to learn.

I know it's not nice but what are you hoping for us to say? no, actually he sounds like a go-getter, a lovely lad and how very dare they do that to him. That's not really going to help him in the long run.

[Tuttutitlookslikerain]

There are 13 pages of jobs on job centre plus in Edinburgh, does he not fancy any of those?

[Bogeyface]

You making excuses for him is exactly why he walked out of a required placement, and didnt see why being 3 minutes late was a problem.

Late is late and an employer wouldnt appreciate paying someone for time they arent there, be it 3 minutes or 3 hours. It shows a lack of commitment to the job. Part of job seeking advice is to instill the understanding that the employers are paying you for a service, you are not doing them a favour everytime you show up, which is the attitude you seem to be helping him develop.

[WorraLiberty]

I still don't believe he was sanctioned for being just 3 minutes late when he's never been late before.

But having said that, if he was sat on a bus going nowhere, he could have rang ahead and told them surely?

[procrastinor]

Did the letter state he was three minutes late or just that he was late?

[HanSolo]

YABU, but I think you know that.

I would take a very dim view of a 19 yo whose mum was writing to her MP etc on his behalf, and certainly question his capability and commitment to job hunting.

He is an adult- let him live his life.

[stinkinseamonkey]

Did he phone from the bus when he realised he would be late?

You seem to think 19 is too young to be expected to know to phone ahead to say you're on your way but.. and to apologise properly when you arrive late?

You don't sound like you are doing him any favours OP

[Bogeyface]

tuttut

There are lots of jobs in my area too, but my son is 21, with minimal experience and a disability. Even without the disability, getting a job at his age is almost impossible as there have been alot of redundancies and so he is competing with people who have more experience and sometimes better qualifications too. He is back at college, doing the most hours he can without losing his JSA, but he still hasnt had an interview in 18 months :( There was an article in our local paper, cant remember the figures but the biggest group of unemployed in our area was 18-24 yrs by a massive margin.

It isnt that easy to get a job, but it is easy enough to get JSA if you are entitled to it and follow the rules. In 2.5 years of signing on, he hasnt been sanctioned once.

[Shenanagins]

So he has been told that it was a punishment, ok, not fair given he was 3 mins late but he's an adult now who needs to learn when to suck it up in the big bad real world out there.

the labour market is tough so having the correct attitude and willingness to work will help.

he also needs to understand that there are thousands of graduates who have good degrees struggling to get any kind of work so he needs to get off his high horse and realise that quickly.

also is there any reason he needs to limit himself to Edinburgh as the labour market in aberdeen is pretty good.

[Bogeyface]

Actually, I dont believe the 3 minutes thing either, as that could be put down to a slow watch or something.

[kinkyfuckery]

He sounds like his attitude and the way he speaks to people stinks. Yours doesn't sound much better, tbh.

He needs to suck it off, apologise, and ask for their help seeking work.

[WorraLiberty]

Suck it off???

That just brought wine tea out through my nostrils

[Tuttutitlookslikerain]

Bogey, your DS sounds like a hardworking young man. I wish him well in his search for a job. He really deserves to find a job soon, by the sound of it.

OP, why is your DS playing computer games, why is he to out looking for work?

[honeytea]

I think he just needs to start seeing things as oppertunities rather than punishments, surely a job placement is better than sitting on your bum all day doing nothing.

What are his hobbies? could he look for volentry work that used his intrerests and qualifications?

[Bogeyface]

:o @ Suck it off!

Maybe if he does that he will get a job much quicker :o