My brother is getting married next year. I am really happy and can't wait. I like future SIL, but there have been a few niggly things lately that make me think she isn't how she seems. I'll try and be brief but I also don't want to drip feed.
Before they were engaged, she said she had already decided that DD would be bridesmaid as she would look really cute (her words, not mine). They got engaged, nothing was said about DD but she gave me a long speech about how her 2 friends and 1 cousin were her bridesmaids and nobody else because people get funny (or something similar). Recently she told me that my brothers cousins DD is a bridesmaid (someone who lives 300 miles away). Out of all the people they could pick on my brothers side I don't know why its a more distant relative and not his (only) niece but there we go. It just feels like there is something she isn't saying though. I can't put my finger on it. My sister also told me that DBro told her they weren't having anyone from his side involved in the wedding as it would cause problems (my children are the only ones apart from cousins children who live far away so I am not really sure what he means), plus they have now picked someone distant from his side to be involved in the wedding.
On 3 occasions she has deleted messages from me on FB. I know she has as after the first one disappeared (I though it must have been a glitch) I checked after that it was on her page and it was. They then just went. The last time it happened, I was trying to find out when my DBro was coming home (in the Army) she deleted it so I picked her up on it with a "oh, I thought I asked you when he was coming home, don't know what happened to that comment" so she had no choice but to answer then. All very friendly as I have a feeling she won't say anything to peoples faces.
On her bday, we all went out for a meal. She made a point of saying how much she would really hate it if someone gave her a cake in front of the whole restaurant and doesn't like people looking at her (a few people did this to others on the night). My sister didn't hear any of this and had arranged it. When it happened FSIL thanked my sister with a big smile on her face and was saying "thank you, no really, thank you" sounding convincingly sincere but I knew otherwise based on what she had already said. I could tell that she was thinking badly of my sister but no one else picked up on it and thats what made me think that she can be quite the actress.
Recently she posted out most peoples invites to the wedding. I got a text out of the blue saying "I have yours and your family's invites, when are you coming to pick them up" I wasn't aware that I was suppose to so I sent a jokey text saying "oh I am picking them up am I" and she replied with a "yes etc etc". No asking if it was ok or anything. A text conversation followed and I have a feeling she now has the hump. She was suppose to be posting them all to my nans even though I went out of my way to provide her with everyones addresses, but she couldn't possibly change the labels now. They haven't been sent but everyone else I know has theirs.
I wasn't able to go to my brothers passing out parade (not enough spaces for me and my sister to go) and I wanted to go out with my brother (and my DH and FSIL) when they got back. FSIL said "not this weekend I am taking him out" so we couldn't go out then. When we did arrange it, it was to go to the cinema then out for food. A message went on FB saying they were going to see x, the film we had all planned to see together, the week before we were going to see it. When I asked about it on FB, she deleted my comment and didn't answer me. Come the night of the meal, I got a text from DBro 3 hours before we were due to go saying that her work (dental surgery) had booked a 2 hour appointment (at 5.30 on a Friday?!) and she wasn't feeling well so they couldn't make it that evening.
DBro has since been away with the Army and I again tried to arrange to see him when he came back but FSIL said not for at least a week as she wants him all to herself. I still haven't seen him and I said again about going out for a meal, which to my face she is all "oh yeah sounds great lets do that" then nothing ever happens. I communicate with her more that DBro as he never bloody answers half the time and the rest of the time he is away so I can't get in touch and it has to be done through her.
It seems like petty things but something just doesn't sit right. I mentioned it to DH and I was surprised when he said he had never liked her, something doesn't feel right to him either. DBro is head over heals and what she says goes. He told our sister that she was dead to him because of a minor disagreement between his fiance and our sister (he did later appologise).
FSIL is an only child, it is just her and her mum (who she and my brother live with and is very much involved with everything) and she only ever wants 1 child because she didn't have siblings and she doesn't want her child to have any. I think this is quite telling. Many of my dads family are only invited to the evening of the wedding and a few are not invited at all. It is their guest list so fine but I can't shake this feeling that she is trying to 'distance' DBro from his family. His mum (technically half brother as we only share a dad) and our sister were asking if I had seen him recently as they hadn't either. I think it is pretty much the same story with them as it is with me.
I'm just not convinced that she is as nice as she seems. All lovely to our faces but there is often the odd little funny look she gives plus the above 'incidents' that are making me question whether she is as nice as I previously thought.