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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a little bit hurt

14 replies

TheCatSatOnTheMat · 05/11/2012 17:17

About 5 years ago my mum bought my sister a house. She was living in a high rise flat in a pretty rough area so my mum sold her house and downsized, using the extra equity to buy my sister a house.
She has since had another baby and her 2 up 2 down is not big enough for them anymore so she wants to move and is looking at bigger houses, which naturally costs more..... which she cant afford. My mum is now considering stepping in to increase her mortgage to help my sister.

At the moment we are living with my mum. My 2 children and I are in a small room, all sharing a double bed. We have a box each to store our clothes in. We have been forced out of our own home because of anti social neighbours who have been making our lives hell. The council are supposed to be rehousing us but so far dont seem to be doing much despite constant nagging from me.
I have started looking at buying my own place due to the councils lack of action and had found a shared equity property which would be perfect for us. The only problem being that I dont have a deposit and might not be able to get quite enough of a mortgage to buy the place.
I have never once asked my mum for money but she has constantly said she feels very guilty that she isnt able to help/buy me and the kids somewhere to live like she did with my sister.

This latest revelation has really upset me. I assumed from my mums comments that she wasn't in a position to help my children and I and so I have left it at that. Where as now it seems she is going to help my sister out with a substantial amount of money to get a bigger house.

I know it my mums decision what she spends her money on but I cant help but be very hurt by this news.

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 05/11/2012 17:19

Yanbu at all.

MrsCantSayAnything · 05/11/2012 17:20

YANBU. It's' very odd that she'd do this when you need a home. Can''t you rent?

Original poster
TheCatSatOnTheMat · 05/11/2012 17:25

The area the kids school is in seems to be rediculous in terms of renting prices. Ds has autistic traits and so I dont want to move him to a different school as he has made such progress since going back in sept.
The house we were looking to buy was within walking distance of the school....would have taken us about 30 mins each morning.

she has probably been bullied into the idea by my sister....she is a bull. Still doesnt lessen the sting of it.

OP posts:
BarredfromhavingStella · 05/11/2012 17:26

WOW, this is favoritism at it's very worst & YA absolutely NBU to feel hurt.

Justforlaughs · 05/11/2012 17:28

YANBU, can you suggest that your sister moves in with your mum and you move into the "perfect, could have been built for you and your 2 DC's house"? Grin. It won't work, but it might make a point.

SmoothOperandus · 05/11/2012 17:29

Is it possible that your mum actually enjoys living with you and your DC and doesn't want you to move out?
and YANBU at all.

controlpantsandgladrags · 05/11/2012 17:31

Yanbu at all. I think if your mum goes ahead with this you and your dc should move in with your sister....she'll have more room than your mum by the sounds of it!!

Original poster
TheCatSatOnTheMat · 05/11/2012 17:34

I just cant believe my sister would be so selfish to do it twice! Im more angry with her than my mum. Like I said it is likely that my sister has bullied my mum into the idea of this. My mum is by no means well off and my sister will take the money as a gift..... I would take the money and repay it to my mum.

I get on well with my mum. We have similar tastes and hobbies so spend a lot of time together. My sister has always been jealous of this and the time my mum spends with my children. If anything I would say I am her favourite. I feel guilty for posting on here. Its not to bitch about my mum. We are very close. I consider her one of my friends and I can not say how greatful I am for her putting up with me and the kids.....its not easy. They are 4 and 5 and can turn a room from tidy to messy in about 2.5 seconds.

Like I say I just a little hurt and cant see the logic behind the idea.

OP posts:
cantspel · 05/11/2012 17:34

Did you mum give her the house or does she just rent it off her?

In any event i would be having a word and telling her how hurt you feel by her even considering this.

Bubblenut · 05/11/2012 17:35

This is favouritism and its clearly not helping in her childrens developments. If both daughters have children but are struggling to have a home to raise them in then its clear she maybe doing too much.

I say she shouldn't do anything and let the sister sort this out herself! And no, it's not fair on you but it might give you the spur to get things sorted - hopefully your housing will get sorted soon!

I also hope these things won't effect your relationship with you sister but I can imagine those feelings will be hard to contain.

Original poster
TheCatSatOnTheMat · 05/11/2012 17:35

controlpantsandgladrags lol I dont think I could live with my sister..... we would argue constantly. We are the complete opposite of one another.

OP posts:
Bubblenut · 05/11/2012 17:37

I actually think you should say to your mum about needing the deposit for the house.

Just say it straight to er

PickledFanjoCat · 05/11/2012 17:38

You need to talk about this. It's so bonkersly unfair is there something about your sisters circumstances you don't know?

PickledFanjoCat · 05/11/2012 17:39

And if your mother can't afford it have a straight talk with her and stop her doing it.

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