to start another thread on 'mummy friends' but to ask a genuine question about it?

[emeraldgirl1]

I am in throes of trying to work out what to do about an NCT ante-natal course; we may (or may not!) be moving area and I am getting myself worked up into a ridiculous paranoia that if I join a class where we live now and then maybe (or maybe not!) move areas I will have wasted money joining the class as the only reason I really want to join is to try to meet other mums-to-be so I am not suicidal isolated when I have the baby.

Looking at MN I get the sense that it can be difficult to meet people in a similar life stage (not wild about categorising it as 'mummy friends') unless you do quite structured things like NCT etc.

The only experience I have had so far is ante-natal yoga where (and this could just be the location I did it in, a very swish bit of London near where I work) the other mums-to-be terrified me. It was like being back at school with little gangs and cliques and giggling. I think this (plus hormones, plus uncertainty about where we are going to live) is now why I am getting into a state about being very isolated after arrival of the baby.

I am pretty self-sufficient and don't want to spend every day drinking coffee with anyone (not even my current friends, let alone new ones!) but I would like to be able to meet people for a chat, either about kid stuff or about what's in the news, I'm honestly not bothered.

I'm shy with new people (though a hoot when I relax, honest!) and the thought of broaching conversation with women if they're anything like the lot in my yoga class is giving me cold sweats!

Any advice or personal experiences of the whole 'mummy network' thing?

I wouldn't bother with nct classes if you don't think you'll be in the area when the baby's born - all you learn at the class you could learn from a pregnancy/birth book, /mumsnet/ frantic 4am googling

I felt it was more geared towards social aspects, and as most of my group knew each other already from work it was v cliquey. I did make one lovely friend however.

As other posters said- sure start centres are great - baby massage / yoga / toddler groups. Ask your health visitor about postnatal groups - they are good, and bf support groups/ cafes.

And don't worry- you'll be fine - I am pretty useless in new social situations but everyone's in the same boat..knackered and unwashed and there's always tea and biscuits.

I wouldn't bother with NCT antenatal classes if you're definitely moving a fair distance away, OP - the point of shelling out all that cash is less to do with the actual classes than to meet people who will be geographically close by for meet-ups. One of our group (babies all seven or eight months old now) moved house within a couple of months of giving birth, and has only been to two meet-ups in all that time, because it's too much of a hassle travelling back.

I don't think I would spend the money again, looking back - my group are perfectly nice, but I haven't even enough in common with them for regular chit-chat. I've made my most important connections at children's centres, classes and at a discussion group for mothers.

I did nct purely to meet people and lucked out. My group was / is ace and we're still v close. We adopted a couple of families from the groups before and after ours into our core group, plus met loads of others. I was Branch Chair for a while and can guarantee we welcomed all walks of life.

I didn't do the nct, not for any particular reason it just wasn't on my radar and I didn't have any trouble meeting new mums. I went to groups run by my health visitor and met lots of local mums that I'm still friends with many years later.

I'm happy to talk to new people and by definition you have masses in common with anyone you meet in an ante/post natal group so conversation should be easy.

I didn't do NCT as due over the summer and the course offered was all days in the week. Went to a new parent group run by health visitors and am still friends with the people I met and we are all on second time round maternity leave.

I met a great friend at an NCT group after the birth (about £1.50 a week). The group was awful, very cliquey but we got on, exchanged numbers and never looked back.

You meet people in cafes, I have met another person this time in the doctor's waiting room, you will be fine.

P.S. I don't have my number on cards just handing them out. I am relatively normal and not at all stalkerish!

We joined up for NCT antenatal classes as we'd just moved here when I was pg with ds1. As it turned out some of them were lovely people and lots of fun but lived (literally) miles away from us and we never really managed to keep in touch. I was gutted and thought I had blown it lol.

This was 8 years ago and it's rural here so there weren't any baby classes as such so I just asked my HV to introduce me to some other mums with babies the same age. Ended up with a lovely bunch of pals there. Actually they've all moved out of my village now but we still meet up every 6 weeks-2 months or so (without children - yay!)

Let your friendships evolve I would say. There seem to be many more activities to do with your baby now, so it's easy to get out and meet other mums. I've got lots of different friends I met in different places and that suits me just fine

I'm not super good at meeting new people but I met people I got on with through NCT classes, baby groups (joint surestart/Nct), postnatal yoga, and baby signing classes.

I was close to some people during maternity leave who I've barely spoken to since I returned to work, and others have just stuck. It really is a bit like workmates in that way.

I did have to force myself to be open to talking to people a bit more than I used to but it really is easier when you've got babies to start off the conversations - "how old is your LO?" "I love her t-shirt, where did you get it?" bla di bla. And most people at baby groups are really keen to chat to an adult!

The people I knew who struggled usually didn't persevere going to the same groups week after week until they got to know people, if they didn't immediately click with anyone they gave up.

I always thought that baby / toddler groups are the work of the devil. BUT... I went to a few different ones when dd was really small, mostly to break up the day. Some of them I only went once, but I found one I could cope with that was only attended by 5-10 mums. All our babies were around the same age and the friendships developed from that. Now I have a group of 5 friends who I see regularly (with children in tow and without).

I think you prob need to try a few if you want to meet people. Before I had dd, I.never thought about.meeting "mummy friends" but I was.really glad of it when I was on maternity leave as I live far away from my family and most of.my friends worked full time; maternity leave would have been a lonely time for me if I hadn't met them.

And def find the baby groups that provide tea and biscuits - the lady who ran the baby group i went to was like an angel providing.endless supply of hot tea, hobnobs and support when anyone was having a hard time.

Yes to the genius "workmates" comment. Maternity leave for me really did feel like starting a new job, and I had to navigate my way to friendly people and places. I did do NCT and lucked out with my group, but also made friends through post natal groups, SureStart activity, Buggyfit. I was the person who brightly suggested "coffee?" at the end of a group and took all comers, and have made what I consider close & genuine friends 18 months on. With a tiny baby, it does all start a bit nappy-chat/poo comparison but you do also quickly share some deep dark stuff if you don't have another space for it. I hear about cliques where it's all super competitive (and if anyone overheard a conversation I had in a cafe about local schools when our children were Oooh 3months old I would forgive them a ) but it doesn't have to be: if you're not, there's no law saying you have to keep meeting the people who are.