The hypocrisy is killing me...

[JazzyTheSnowman]

OK, so I suffered badly with PND. Turned into post natal psychosis and I started hearing voices. It was a massively low point in my life but I'm through it now thank God.

Throughout the whole 11 months I suffered, my MIL was an utter bitch. I should "get over it", "stop my bitching" and "give it up because we all know you're pretending". DP defended me to the last but she was just unstoppable. I heard her refer to me as a frothy-mouthed psycho more than once...

You get the gist...

Well now the darling has been diagnosed with early onset menopause, and is expecting the whole world to stop for her. She's milking it for all it's worth and expecting me and DP to wrap her in cotton wool because of it.

Would I be unreasonable to tell her to "get over it" and to "grow the fuck up" because I think she's "pretending"??? I mean, she's going through a tough time I grant you, but I was going through something just as bad and had nought but abuse!!!

[PurplePidjin]

Because i was addressing the OP, not the MIL, Britannia

If the question was "AIBU to expect my selfish, lazy DIL to make more of a fuss during my time of intense suffering caused by early onset menopause" then HRT and evening primrose would have been top of my list :o

[JazzyTheSnowman]

So, I thought everyone deserved an update...

I went with the brisk "Why are you expecting royal treatment?" line, followed by the "And I didn't deserve such treatment when I had a severe illness I suppose?".

Her reply was (and this is VERBATIM) "But mine is serious. Yours was just a bit of stupid moping about on your arse."

Lovely. Cue a 25 minute argument where all she could say was "but she was making it up!".

sigh

We seem to have got somewhere after a while though, she admitted that she may have been "a little unsupportive". Small breakthroughs. At this rate she'll die before admit to me she's a cow in a coat.

[JazzyTheSnowman]

Thanks to all who did respond though - at least I know now that I wasn't imagining anything! And I had the official all-clear from my GP today. Off the tablets for good.

[JazzyTheSnowman]

It would be nice, don't get me wrong, but what I'd like more than anything is for her to accept that maybe she was wrong. She doesn't even have to apologise - just an admittance of wrongdoing would be fine!

[MrsBW]

My Mum had post natal psychosis and suffered repeated episodes until I was 12. She then relapsed aged 58 - last year.

I often, as a child, used to wake up in the middle of the night with her sat on the end of the bed watching me because she thought I'd died. My Dad left us before I was 1 so I had to cope with this by myself. It was horrific and something no one should have to go through.

I have recently taken the difficult decision never to have children because I've been told I have a 10% chance of developing post natal psychosis myself. This disease affected me so much that I think that it's just too high a risk to take.

You can tell your MIL from me that she's a bitch.

[MrsBW]

By the way - I hope you're feeling better and continue with your recovery.

[thekidsrule]

op how old is your mil ?

[JazzyTheSnowman]

I don't know, I think she's 49 or something in like 4 months? I'm not 100% sure, never bothered to find out.

[RuleBritannia]

PurplePidgin I meant that it would be a good idea for the MIL to take the HRT - then she would be sweetness and light.

[Chubfuddler]

Your MIL would never cross my door step again if I were in your shoes. Seriously. She's your husbands mother, not yours. No need for you to he involved with her at all.

[maddening]

What did your dh say about the conversation? How do you think you''ll manage through situation going forward?I would take the opportunity to eat some boundaries.

[maddening]

Set not eat

[JazzyTheSnowman]

He's on my side, which is great because he's so supportive. He just tries to avoid inflammatory topics when around her so as to cut down on the shocking comments, but we don't see her all that often (thank God!).

[LapsedPacifist]

How is menopause at 48 "early onset"?? Sorry, but 48 is hardly abnormal. A bit early perhaps but certainly not a clinical "early" menopause, which is defined as happening before the age of 45!

Your MIL is playing the sympathy card. You can now GENUINELY accuse her of "making it up" Tell her to get over it - her ovaries are packing up 'coz she is OLD innit - this is an entirely normal condition, not some sort of medical crisis.

[PropertyNightmare]

Why on earth do you have anything to do with Mil after her past behaviour? I'd have kicked that bitch to the kerb. It's not too late, you could still do it now then you won't have to listen to her latest whinge-fest. Life is too short to waste on chumps.

[LittleMissFlustered]

Agreed Euphemia! Cow in a coat is my new favourite insult:o

[thekidsrule]

mmmmmmmmmmm wouldnt call 48 that much of an early onset menopause

what age was she expecting it,77

op i think shes looking for sympathy and maybe (wrongly of course) jealous of the ill health you have been having and feels the spotlight should be on her

i hope you understand what im trying to say,im making a bit of a hash

ignore her op and dont give her the attention she is trying to get

[Whoknowswhocares]

Average age for menopause according to nhs website is 52. She's barely the low end of average FGS!
Stupid attention seeking cow in a coat

[JazzyTheSnowman]

Cow in a coat

I really hope that's gonna end up being a Mumsnet Thing where, on any given topic, someone just needs to say "cow in a coat" and we dissolve into giggles!

[WitchesTit]

Say, "Menopause is not an illness, its the natural progression of a woman's life as she becomes surplus to natures requirements".

Perhaps you should also explain to her that it happens to all women as they get closer to an age of decrepitude and incontinence, most likely ending up in a care home miles away from her family.

I wouldn't normally advocate such bad behaviour but she sounds like she could do with a bit of reciprocated bitchiness.

[DappyHays]

A healthly disinterest in her menopause coupled with turning the heating up for her visits, as suggested upthread, sound like just the job.

Sorry your MIL was such an arse when you were sick, and I'm glad you're better now.

[DappyHays]

*healthy