To be disappointed...

[theweekendisnear]

A few months ago we moved. We have invited two friends ( husband and wife) over and they have stayed with us (we are a family of 4 - mum, dad, 2 children) a couple of times for 3 days each time. These friends have then told us that if we are ever back to where we moved from, to tell them so we can meet up. I actually looked at hotels, but they were quite expensive for a family, so I mentioned it to my friends, kind of hoping that they would say that we could stay at theirs, but they didn't.

I know that their house is not huge, but they have a spare room, and they have hosted relatives before, and we are very easy going and the kids are 7 and 9, so not very small and demanding. I know that both of my friends work full time, so are quite busy, but they did find the time to come visit us.

They are very nice people, and they always come with gifts, but I am disappointed that they do not seem to want to reciprocate the invitation. It seems to me that they assume (because i work only parttime) that i have lots of spare time to get the house and food ready for guests. Having guests is nice, but I find it's also hard work, especially when you also have to get uniforms ready for Monday, homework done, etc.

Am I judging them too harshly?

I don't think you're being too harsh, we've all slept on the floor of friends if there's. Even no beds. I think it's polite to at least mention why they haven't offered you somewhere to stay.

I mean

Have you asked if you can stay with them? They could quite easily be thinking 'AIBU in thinking our close friends would stay with us when they visit rather then choosing a hotel? Do they think our home isn't good enough?'

Maybe they dont fancy having you and the kids, four of you in one room would be a bit of a squeeze wouldnt it?

When they came over the first time, it was me that said that we should stay in a hotel if we ever visited them, so we wouldn't bother anybody, but then, when I realised that we couldn't find a cheap hotel, I clearly said that the hotels were too expensive for us. Also, a month or so ago, another couple (couple B) invited us back, and we stayed with them (couple B) ( it was just me and my husband, as the children were staying with some relatives) and we had lunch with the first couple. On that occasion, the first couple said something like "we should come visit you some time soon". Maybe I should ask when we can all visit them instead?

I'd just be direct..... "We were thinking of coming back some time before Christmas. Would it be alright to stay overnight/2 nights with you?" then they know what you want to do and you'll know from their response if it's OK or not. I've been on MN too long to realise that there is no point in presuming other people are thinking the same as you. You need to ask sometimes.

Maybe I'll get some courage and do that, BackforGood. Hope it doesn't sound rude, to invite ourselves, I mean.