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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit bewildered by MIL's choice of birthday gift for DS?

69 replies

JoInScotland · 04/11/2012 21:20

That's it really. Our son is 3 in January, and though my DP's Mum knows we are both atheist, she wants to give him a children's bible for his birthday. DP was a bit, "er.... okay". While we want him to be exposed to religion, we will be filing the book beside Mog and Hairy Maclary, et al.

She also gave DS a Noah's Ark, which I think he views as a floating version of his circus train with animals. Are these just standard children's toys, books? Or is there some sort of agenda? DS gets books all the time, I don't see that he will view the book any differently to any other story book.......

OP posts:
Cahoots · 05/11/2012 09:38

Christianity is part of our families heritage. We are all atheists but our grandparents were religious. Our DCs are taught Religeous Studies GCSE which has a heavy leaning towards Christianity and we live in a town where lots of our nieghbours and friends are Christians. We don't have a bible in the house but it would be more relevant to us than any other religious work such as the Koran.

Our DC's have always been taught to respect different religeous views but being a nice kind human being is what we are all about Smile

Hexenbiest · 05/11/2012 09:51

We are atheist - but our DC go to C of E school where they were given bibles. The school a good fit for them and I went to a C of E school as a child.

We don't have a bible home but have taken one of out the local library as they needed to know about Moses for book week at school.

If a family member gave them a bible I'd be fine with that but like you OP I'd wonder if there was more to it then forget about it.

We think it is a good idea that they know the main Christian stories - our country was Christian for centuries and there is a lot of cultural baggage from that and spates between branches of Christianity have influenced the development of various branches of state.

The C of E School has taught them about several other main religious - and when they ask question we try and answer or look stuff up as we would for Christian based question. They can choose what to believe when older.

cantspel · 05/11/2012 09:59

You wont catch God from owning a childs bible, nor is an ark toy a strange gift to give to a non religious family.

No doubt he also has a farm when he is not a farmer or castle when he is not a knight. They are just toys so they can use their imagination and play.

WearingGreen · 05/11/2012 10:21

A children's bible gives a good foundation for other Abrahamic faiths. The Ishmael vs Isaac debate is alive and well so I wouldn't want my children to not know who either of them were although it is irrelevant to Christianity. Whether you like it or not lots of our culture and language is rooted in the bible because until very recently everybody knew scripture so to have this as a gap in your knowledge is not necessarily something to aspire to. It just lends an extra dimension to your understanding of other stories/writings. If you don't know what Eden is then you can't know what east of Eden means. You wouldn't know the origins of why someone might be called Jezebel or doubting Thomas or a shorn Sampson. I've just read Lighthousekeeping, its very good. I would have enjoyed it regardless I think but if you don't know the bible it would be harder to 'get it' but I wouldn't know I wasn't getting it because you don't know what you don't know. It also references Greek myths, Arthurian Legends, Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde and a basic knowledge of the Stephenson family and Darwin is also useful but nobody would even think to censor those.

VolumeOfACone · 05/11/2012 10:22

I always thought the children's bibles I was given as presents when young were very boring and pious. Not just stories.
I wouldn't be offended if someone bought one for my DC, but I would in all likelihood charity shop it straight away.

My neighbour gave us a Christmas story book which is full of angels. Kind of her, but... It is rubbish, and it doesn't really make sense to children who aren't religious to be honest.

VolumeOfACone · 05/11/2012 10:27

I don't expect my DC to have heard of God pre-school at all. I'm happy for God to exist as a "school-story" sort of thing. And they can pick up the useful general information aspects there, as I did.

BrittaPerry · 05/11/2012 10:38

Well, I expect my children to have heard of a few bible stories, the odd greek myth, fairy tales and so on before the age of five, and dd1 did (dd2 is only two, so we have just read about Perseus etc up to now)

Awkwardsquad · 05/11/2012 10:43

I had a child's bible as a young one, though I grew up in an atheist household. I enjoyed the stories and they are part of our culture so it's good to have a basic grounding, I think. Also good to have a basic grounding in other myths - I had books of Norse, Welsh, Roman and Greek mythology as a kid, too Grin

Awkwardsquad · 05/11/2012 10:45

Oh and a Noah's Ark, which I loved. There are many similar myths in other cultures.

EmpressOfTheSevenRomanCandles · 05/11/2012 10:56

I agree that DCs need to know the stories, for the cultural references if nothing else, but the Noah story is pretty sick really. I know it's not real but still.

Imagine the moment when all the other people actually realised that this was it, they were going to drown. The water was rising to their necks. Maybe they were desperately trying to hold their children above their heads. Frantically swimming until they were exhausted. And there's one family who have an Ark and look like they could survive.

Do you think people were begging for places? Begging Noah to save their children? Their babies? As the Ark came afloat, their ears must have been ringing with the despairing screams. And surely, when the water finally lowered, the earth must have been one big graveyard.

Lovely stuff.

Awkwardsquad · 05/11/2012 11:25

Gosh. Best stay away from nursery rhymes too. They're usually based on some rather gruesome tales.

EmpressOfTheSevenRomanCandles · 05/11/2012 11:27

Not to mention fairy stories. Look at what happens to Cinderella's stepsisters & Snow White's stepmother in the original versions.

MulledWineOnTheBusLady · 05/11/2012 11:34

We're atheists and I've got a Bible on the shelf the same way I've got Shakespeare and a thesaurus. And I don't have a Koran because I don't have any Muslim heritage. If I did, I expect I would have a Koran and not a Bible. That's simple enough, surely?

I do think it's funny that Bible stories are thought suitable for children though. The Bible's full of sex and violence.

Roseformeplease · 05/11/2012 20:31

Teaching quite a lot of English literature is difficult when pupils don't know basic Bible stories and imagery. For example, references to serpents in Hughes' poem, "Work and Play" or the many, many references in Shakespeare. I find myself doing rather a lot of explaining in class that I wouldn't have had to do 20 years ago when these stories were more widely taught. However, children also need a grounding in classical mythology, fairy stories etc.

Original poster
JoInScotland · 05/11/2012 22:09

Okay, it seems that most people wouldn't have a problem with it. As a book of stories, I don't have a problem either. I guess there may be some tension in the relationship due to a few issues. Although I have friends & family all over the world, and DS received cards and gifts from Japan, Germany, the US, Canada, you get the picture... he never received a gift from his only grandparents (my parents are dead). We finally found out that it was because they were waiting for the christening.... which we never had because we're atheists.

Both birthday presents have been very late, as well. I'm not materialistic, don't get me wrong. I am not sure what to say, the day when my DS reads his baby book and asks why his only grandparents didn't give him a gift when he was born? (Will this happen?) And little children do like a present to arrive on the day (or before).

So I just wonder where my MIL is going with the bible. My DS can read (please, I'm not bragging, he just can) and I wonder if she's trying to get the bible into his bookcase while he's young (and impressionable?)

For what it's worth, I'm the only atheist in my large family. I went to bible school as a child and received prizes for various things. I stopped believing at 11. So I know my bible pretty well, and the King James version has some lovely language in it. I also think there are values worth teaching children in the bible. I just don't believe it as truth

OP posts:
Cahoots · 05/11/2012 23:14

I think DC's only care about when they get presents if the parents care. My relatives don't always give presents. It very hit and miss. They do all love my DC's and that's what I think is important. My DC's don't expect presents, if they get them they are pleased but they don't care if they don't.

vamosbebe · 05/11/2012 23:26

Quite frankly I'd tell her not to buy the bible and, if she did, I'd charity shop/bin it.

If your MIL is going against your wishes, then she should be told so.

3 years old is a bit early for all that, let them grow up a little - if you're worried about your dc not knowing the stories for 'cultural' purposes, like studying English Literature at university, they'll learn it sooner or later at school/after questioning Granny!

WinkyWinkola · 06/11/2012 06:45

Fine you don't believe it as truth. I don't either. But don't you think you should let your ds make up his own mind about stuff in his own time?

And I don't think kids care less if presents arrive on time or not or if at all as long as they are made a fuss of on their birthdays or whatever occasion it is.

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