To have stopped granddad's contact with grandson?

[Emmon]

My dad recently came to England from France to visit my 14 month old boy. I made sure all contact was tightly supervised as he was violent with me as an older child.

Things went well until my husband went out for a walk with baby in his pram. My dad and I got into a petty argument and he said when my son returned he would "put him in the road and let him crawl in the traffic. That way people would see what a dreadful mother you are and call social services".

I gave him 5 minutes to pack his bags and £20 for the bus to the airport. Since then I have blocked all contact.

I genuinely believe it was an idle threat, but it concerns me that anyone can visualise a baby crawling in heavy traffic.

Should I let him see his grandson or have I done the right thing?

Are you still hoping for love and affection from your mum? Because you might have to try to accept that that isn't going to happen.

Do you need to "part on good terms" because you'll feel guilty if you don't? Do you think it is possible to be on good terms with her now - will she enable that?

Given that they don't live in the same country, what sort of contact do you envisage? Can you call your mum for a brief, superficial chat occasionally? And then if visits are mentioned, be busy, and vague.

Although you would not be wrong to cut contact altogether. I shan't be visiting my parents when they're dying.

And yes, keep your son away from them.

Are you me? My father (no contact) would say something exactly like that, and then pathetically try to pretend afterwards that he was "joking".

And I'd take it very seriously because I know what he is capable of.

YANBU. You have done the right thing. Keep your son away from this vile man.

And I know you didn't ask this but I have some experience - please consider whether or not someone dying, in and of itself, is a reason to try to have a relationship that could prove harmful to you, emotionally or otherwise.

Yanbu - you did the right thing.

And take heart that your last contact with him was you standing up as a strong grown woman and kicking him out. Your dc is lucky to have such a wonderful mother.

YANBU, at all shudder

Could you think about what you mean by 'good terms' with your mother? I think it is important because she isn't going to change at this late stage and may in fact get more unreasonable as she gets more ill.

If you are thinking of having a mutually loving and sharing relationship, I think you may be grieving for the relationship you never had and setting yourself an impossible task. If she has always been difficult she isn't going to suddenly change and have a big heart to heart with you where she apologises, tell you how much she loves you, etc etc. Sadly we do not live in the movies.

However if when you think about it, you mean something more along the lines of accepting her for who she is, realising she was abusive but did her best even though most of her choices went wrong, and acknowledging the love both of you shared at the heart of a difficult relationship, then I think you will find the peace you are looking for.

Best wishes at this difficult time.