To ask you to tell me how you keep on top of all the housework! Please help :(

[AshamedAndNeedTips]

Have namechanged because I'm so embarrassed.

I have a 3 bedroom house, with 2 reception rooms and a large kitchen/diner. One bathroom upstairs. We have the children's toys in the main living room and have the dining table in there aswell, as the kitchen is really cold. I will be moving the table back into the kitchen this week to make more space.

I can't keep up with the housework. If I clean two rooms during the day, the others are left unclean. My children leave food and crumbs everywhere. I am constantly hoovering/cleaning/wiping after them. I can never do the WHOLE house in a day - my baby will cry or need feeding/nappy change. Then I'll get distracted and things get left.

Yesterday I bagged up one bin bag of clutter around 2 rooms. I have a pile of ironing in the spare room (about 5 loads of washing) that I don't get time to iron because I'm constantly cleaning the main living room and kitchen. Even then the kitchen is a mess ALL the time, because my Dad is living with me at the moment and he is constantly in there making food. He's ill and I can't expect him to do washing up aswell, and even when he does, he leaves food on all the plates, so I tell him to leave it. DH doesn't help. He works from 7am to 11pm 7 days a week (yes no lie).

I feel like I am constantly trying to clean but then get overwhelmed and I think I'm getting depressed, because I just slink into the bedroom when DS is asleep and stay on my phone trying to ignore the crap around me.

Before DS was born I gave the whole house a spring clean and tried to keep on top of the shit, but it's just got our of control again.

How do you keep on top of everything? How the hell do I keep everything clean when I have a crawling baby who is now crying for me every 2 mins.
DD goes back to school tomorrow. Please help me. I feel like I'm getting depressed in the mess.

My dog is a non-moulting breed so doesn't lose much hair, but I still have to Hoover a lot. Surely the kitchen and dining areas need doing every day even if you leave the front room and hallway?

Lovebunny, would you really recite rule number 1 to one of your parents? really? No way would I set that kind of rule. I would be asking him to tidy up after himself though.

I've just started flylady and I like it. Give it a try

What is flylady?? Sounds like I've missed a trick here....

So, you have very young kids, and an ill elderly father to look after, which you are doing (except presumably financially) effectively as a single parent...
Of course it's impossible to keep your house tidy, and of course you are getting depressed.
You never see your husband, and you are trying to keep on top of too much.

I am a single parent of one fairly tidy child, and my house is rarely properly tidy. But that's because I don't care. If the Queen comes for tea she will just have to move some crap off the sofa.

I also know that the more time you spend in the house a) the messier it gets and b) the more it bothers you, so that you notice every little thing.

I agree with the don't iron thingy, and also the 15 minute thing is a good plan, but really, I think your real problem is probably that your DH is never actually there.

certainly would tell people how its going to be if they were living in my house. its the only way for everyone to be happy. be clear, be concise, be consistent.

you could have been me a few years ago:) my dh still works mad hours, always working christmas and ny, its his career and job, he loves it, we are used to it and work round it. i am a sahm which i love, but at least he is at work, not carousing in a pub and it does get better, i promise (and he is not in transport)

you could try

• yes to table in the kitchen. why is it so cold? can you heat it up at all? everyone eats only in the kitchen and drinks too for little ones. no wandering round with beakers. sure your dad will be ok with that, ask him? he must be nice for you to let him stay!

if you can, put a big playpen in there too, with a mat so soft for lo and a few toys, then they can be with you when you cook and not under your feet. -have you got a dishwasher? please say yes! if not, order one asap..gift from dad perhaps? plus a great washing machine that does a quick wash and a tumble dryer. -use your 2nd reception room as a playroom. get a big dresser with big drawers like the ones you see for kids rooms, plus some open boxes (no lids as they fall in / catch fingers/ heads. all toys live in there. if they come out, just chuck them back at the end of the day. you can sort them out whilst playing with lo.

• kids rooms. big storage boxes for toys upstairs, assuming you have gates. dc can play in them whilst you tidy/ are upstairs.
• organise your recycling bins so its easy for you.
• online shopping for food only.
• keep a menu plan and write down anything you need on a pad in the kitchen for the next shop. if someones wants noodles and there is only pasta, its pasta then, not belting to the shops.
• do you have to feed dh? assuming not. my dh works those hours and he eats at work.

daily, do not try to tidy all day, you will go mental at this stage of lo, imo

beds made, dirty washing donwstairs. washing on. tumble dry, fold and put away. iron only essentials, not sheets etc. tidy bathroom, clean loos, chuck out all rubbish.
kitchen, keep all surfaces clear as possible. nothing out you are not using. unload dishwasher first thing, beging to reload with whatever is in the sink waiting.

admin. keep all bills and post you must do something with in a folder in the kitchen. once a week, one evening is admin night. file all other paperwork. use your pad for a list of things to discuss with dh so you dont forget.
kids - prep food in the morning if you can. cook things like spag bol, anything you can bung in the oven, roasted veg etc, casseroles, roast chicken, toad in the hole, quick steaks with mash or pasta and a pudding like a choc sponge cake, make lots and freeze them, you are then free to take them for a walk, swimming, garden, play...

• dc- 5- tidy time all toys away, bedrooms ready, curtains drawn, toys away, then cbeebies tv for 30 mins whilst you get dinner on table. eat at 6, then bath, then bed. all should be asleep by 7.30pm latest. NO TV after dinner. i had to get them into bed myself, they were and still are up at 6am. your dad can eat with them, so can you, and then chuck all cutlery etc into dishwasher, give them pudding whist you do that, then pudding dishes in dishwasher, turn it on.

optional at this stage -glass of wine-

after bed for dc. tidy kitchen. mop floor, plump cushions in lounge.

hoover 2 a week. clean bathrooms once, loos every day. dust 2 a week.

get a cleaner once a week if you can to hoover and do bathrooms.

ignore garden til spring. hopefully it will snow all over it:)

how long is your dad there?

weekends- your dh must have time alone with your dc, even if its just a walk round the garden centre in the warm bit or swimming with the bigger one, or a bit of footie in the park.

good luck, and then you can start to de-clutter! JOKE JOKE...

Do not feel bad. I started a thread like this recently cause I am struggling. Main points were;

• stop ironing, or put everything straight away
• cleaner
• everyone helps in there own way
• rota/plan for the week and stick to it
• reduce time spent on everything ie Internet shop, don't go upstairs without taking something with you
• it is a never ending cycle, it will never be done so don't ever stop or it becomes a huge job every time.

Iron (only if you must) in front of TV. For preference, don't iron.

Put a wash on every night as you go to bed and hang out, tumble, whatever in the morning.

Hoover at need - ie only when there is something visible eg crumbs.

All food to be eaten from a plate, sitting down at the table - cleanliness is only one of many reasons why this is a good idea.

Get a dishwasher and turn it on at night as you go to bed.

Have a shower and hair wash at night before you go to bed (see a pattern emerging).

Remember that no one ever went into the grave wishing they had spent more time cleaning.

Remember that after three months the dirt doesn't get any worse.

And above all, remember that this time with your children is never coming back.

Oh yeah one that I like is to set a timer for 15 mins and do as much as you can in that time

Buy good wipes, cloths and sprays to make.cleaning easier and more efficient. Get some rest because you need your energy for looking after the kids and house! Maybe would getting takeaway one night minimise kitchen mess and save time so you can clean instead?

DH & I work full-time and have a 3yo DD. We live in a tiny 2 bed house (kitchen, lounge/diner & downstairs loo on ground floor and 2 bedrooms and bathroom upstairs).

We find the following helpful:

• DD always eats at the table
• Wet wipes are your friend (wiping table above, floor below table above etc!)
• Keep wet wipes or bathroom wipes in the bathroom and clean/tidy while DCs are in the bath.
• Hoover the kitchen floor and I mop it less often than I like.
• Toy storage - for DD it's a toy box and some boxes. If it won't fit, I cull the lot until I make more space. DD therefore doesn't have much stuff but it does all get played with. Also makes it easy to put away, every box has a specific set of toys in it.
• I put clothes away without ironing (and only iron as I need it)
• We try to tidy every night before bed, not so it's perfect but better than just leaving it.
• Declutter the house. The less stuff you have, the less of a mess it makes!
• Storage locker. We rent one and regularly move DDs outgrown clothes there in boxes (from freecycle). Other bits and bobs you want to keep but don't have room for. Has freed up our house loads, DD's wardrobe has space, as does our shed.

Am I missing something? What is your dh doing in terms of his share of cleaning and housework?

Train your kids from an early age to clean and tidy their one messes.

How old are the kids?

Eat ONLY at the table so you don't have a trail of crumbs every time they eat.

Don't iron - if you have a tumble drier then fold from the drier, if you don't then hang clothes on hangers after shaking first.

Baskets and boxes in each room so things can be scooped in at a moment's notice.

If your dad is well enough to cook then he's well enough to tidy after himself.

I love the timer idea - dc will love this too. Gong to try it:)

Going, obviously...

Cut down on your luxuries budget and get a cleaner.

I have it a lot easier because I live in a small flat but I do the washing and ironing and whatever washing up there is when ds is at school and dd is napping and the tidying I do when they've gone to bed, I find if I try and tidy up after them they just get everything all out again. DH Hoovers when he gets in from work usually after dinner.

Oh yes was waiting for the 'cut down on your luxuries' post

Getting a cleaner only helps with about 5% of what I do every week. Probably less than that.

My cleaner doesn't tidy, sort toy boxes, make lunch boxes, do laundry, make beds, move furniture to clean underneath it, change bedding.

Never clean a whole house in one day.

One hour of ironing every day.

One load of dark and one load of white washing every day (using a tumble dryer).

Hoover whole house every three days.

Clean sinks every day.

Dust every three days (before hoovering).

Focus on properly cleaning one room per day.

(don't go to bed and leave your dishwasher or washing machine on.... my dishwasher caught fire once, thank god I was home and able to deal with it) ... just saying... !

oh and tumble dry and fold and put away - kids clothes don't need ironing if you can't bear to leave yourself crumpled!

i tend to do 1 room a day as a deep clean leaving weekends free. I blitz the rest of the house.

Your home should be happy in your home not letting it get you down.

Do you have any spare cash to pay for a cleaner.

I feel your pain op.

I have a messy Teenager, messy 10yr old, and a VERY messy toddler of 22months. I also have an older DM who does bugger all. We have a large 5 bedroom house with 2 reception rooms, large kitchen and 2 bathrooms..............I'm stuffed

My DH works from home, he is not into housework, but is really helpful in other ways....he'll take DD out for me when he can to give me a chance to 'blitz'. It's my only catch up time at the moment.

It must be so hard not having your DH there, ever. Really tough.

Just lately I've had a massive clear out, and got rid of all the clutter. Things are much better now, but I think this will be difficult for you, as you do need a good length of time to be able to get stuck in.

I agree with others who said cut back on ironing. I iron as I need stuff. I just don't have the time to stand for hours a week ironing atm.

Also give yourself a pat on the back for the massive amount of tasks that you're completing during the course of each day. It's not easy looking after a small baby, and it sounds to me like you are trying really hard, don't beat yourself up. It's easy to think that everybody else has a spotless home..............most don't (even if they say they do!), so try to be realistic about your standards. It won't be like this forever.

Be kind to yourself, OP. You are a being a great Mum and prioritising your children over your house, and that's how it should be. x